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I thought this was kinda weird.


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So when i was eighteen i met a girl and hit it off with her. she was really great. Then before we were about to have sex she told me she had hsv2 i didnt really care too much at the time and really liked her. we met with her doctor and he gave us all the facts. Then after about three months i started getting really really worried, like waking up with panic and all that. so even though im kinda ashamed to admit it i broke up with her for no other reason than she had herpes and i was scared. She mentioned how i would probably meet another girl who had it and the same thing would happen. a year passes and i meet this girl and hit it off again. we had unprotected sex for about three months before she decided to tell me. I tested neg but i was just bummed she didnt tell me. Anyway i really liked her but broke up with her for the exact same reason and i regret it all the time. IM an idiot.

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I dunno i guess just the whole thing. I ended one relationship because of it and started another one only for it to end for the same reason. And the first girl totally said it would happen.

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It happens...1 in 4 so maybe the next 6 girls you will date will be herpes free!

Don't over analyse it. A person is more than the occasional herpes outbreak...if you are really worried ask them to take valtrex and wear a condom it is almost 100% safe.

I have herpes and have dated other people with it and even I get paranoid about getting it somewhere else. But it is makes no sense.

Look at it this way...a girl who know and tells you, takes drugs for it ect. is probably far safer for you in the long run than somebody who has it asymptomatically and passes it to you without knowing.

Also on numbers lets say 40 people over a year: 30 are 100% safe, 9 who don't know or are asymptomatic are a 95-97% safe, and 1 person who knows and takes suppressive therapy is 98-99% safe (more if you use a condom). Just get over...it isn't HIV...you won't die and even if you got it 9 time out of 10 you wouldn't even get sores!

You may even already have it for all you know...or HSV 1 most people have that (which for the record you could be spreading around). Go and get a blood test before you start giving yourself over to unrealistic fears, judging other people and possibly denying yourself a relationship with a wonderful person who happens to have a recurring skin condition! Its not good for you or them...

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That is all very true and insightful i really appreciate the post. I just obesessed about it way to much, which i have a tendency to do with lots of other things too.

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hey do not beat yourself up over it. You did not say whether you have H or not but I assume you dont. First of all before I got herpies and my exboyufriend, who gave me H( example) had told me he had H i would of broke up with him too. there nothing wrong with that. You were not willing to risk getting herpies and there not a blazing thing wrong with that

as for the 2nd girl why sweat that. She was not a great find. She was disshonest with you for not telling you in the first place, she robbed you of your choice in the matter and just because she only told you after being intimate with you posssibly exposing you to the virus does not make her any less of disshonest person

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  • 1 month later...

Right there with ya man, im a straight up idiot. My case was a little different and I would say I had a little less of choice but you decide. At this party, SUPER blacked out, I remember yuking for over an hour with my decade long friend pressuring me into hooking up with this girl (since I hadn't been laid in 6 months). They even pulled some bs truth or dare makeout/lap dance maneuver on me, then the next day was like the Hangover. Not a clue what the eff happened. I felt like Doug, a Doug that was never found :(

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To VTiny:

Dude how do you live with yourself if you pass it on to someone else is what I want to know. I wanted to end the chick who passed on to me.

The guy who passed it on to me did it intentionally...we had, had an abusive relationship, its a long story but I ended up in a situation where he forced me to sleep with him by threatening my family. He then gave me oral sex knowing that he had a cold sore. Later he told me I deserved to suffer for ruining his life...apparently deciding not to be beaten any more is grounds for ruining somebodies life enough to give them herpes. Thats my background. My point of view is that I can't be angry at him because then he stays in my life...and every time I get an OB he is there continuing to ruin my life and have power over me, no thanks!

But sadly most people who pass on herpes do it out of ignorance either not realising that cold sores are herpes...or not knowing that they have herpes at all. There is no point being angry because that is just poison in your life. You just have to do your best to be better than the person who past it to you, to be responsible and give people a choice...and remember it is very common. You just can't let it rule your life.

In regards to passing it on, I haven't yet--at least that I know. I have had it 9 years now. I take suppressive medication, I am careful to listen to my body...and I do tell the people I am with (sometimes in better ways than in others...it gets complicated given that it forces me to talk about a time in my life I want to forget). I was misinformed for a long time that on medication I was no risk...which I have since found out is not true. But despite that I did tell...in some cases "eventually".

Surprisingly of the 5 people I have slept with 3 turned out to have it on the lips (and none of them felt it important enough to tell me before they kissed me!) and the other 2 didn't mind. Its odd (I have gHSV1...) that the double standard exists that somehow mine is worse and I have more obligation to tell than the people who have it on the lips...even though mine is less infectious...such is life!

The stats on transmission are small, with medication and safe sex smaller. If you allow somebody to make an informed choice to take the risk and they do...then there really is nothing you need to live with.

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ok maybe you were a iodot with the first one but you were scared. That understandable. Even with precaution there is still a possblity of getting it from her. as for the 2nd one not forgivable. She knew she had it and robbed you of the right to make a decision on whether you wanted to take the risk or not. 3 months later is a little late in my book and is unforgivable. The fact she did not tell you and was being dishonest was a good reason to brake up with her so why the regreat?

you need to find some who more honest

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