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This wasnt suppose to happen... i just need someone to talk to


BamBam007

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Im 24 years old, and a very laid back girl. Ive never had a problem meeting guys but i tended to always date "Bad Boys". I met this guy who was the complete opposite of a bad boy. He was a little lame but he really handsome, a college grad, very well rounded, and has his own business. This guy just seemed like such a breath of fresh air at first. I liked him--- no flashy cars--no big bank roll. This same guy gave me herpes. The funny thing is Ive never had an STD before never been "pregnant". I thought it was a yeast infection went to the doctor where she said that she was 90% sure i had Herpes. No tests were taken. I went and told him he's all like "I dont know if i have this but were gonna make it through this together." He "schedules" a doctor appointment that he "goes to" to tell me that the doctor said he had it. The same day??? He Has NO visible symptoms. The guy knew the whole time. I feel so betrayed. He doesnt care, he doesnt take medication, he tells me "you'll be alright, i know people living with it"

I look in the mirror and i dont see the same girl. I see a pretty girl who has herpes that doesnt have anyone to relate to. No matter how hard i laugh and joke with my friends in the back of my mind i here a voice that says,"your not like them, YOU have herpes". I feel like Who will never get married and probably never have kids.

p.s. i stopped dating the guy. Especially after I asked him where do we stand and he said "we're dating". Like really dude? What other options do I have?

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Oh BAMBAM!!!!!

I know EXACTLY how you feel, because the same thing happened to ME!!!!! **EXACTLY EXACTLY EXACTLY***....the guy who gave me Herpes went as far as showing me his STD results on paper, convincing me that he was clean (little did I know I didn't ask about Herpes...I mean...who thinks of HERPES in their life, right?) herpes is a separate test.

Yeah. That guy lied to you FOR SURE. Same with my giver. I just wished I hadn't stepped out of my 4 year relationship in order to get it. My 4 year relationship was on the rocks, and for the first time in my life, I cheated on my boyfriend, and contracted Herpes from a guy who I started to fall for, I stupidly slept with him in the heat of the moment one night, but hey, I figured, I had been talking to him for a few months, so its not like I didn't 'know' him, right? WRONG!!!!! He blatently lied to me!!! He couldn't even GET IT UP before we had sex!!! So, he was HIDING SOMETHING!!!

When I ended up with symptoms he outright denied it and called me a 'lunatic' when I 'accused' him of giving me Herpes stating he's never had it...but OH!! He's had HPV before - so he admits! I FREAKED! I said "WHAT?!!?" he said, "Yeah...one time I went to my dermatologist and he poked at this thing on my penis, and FLUID came out, so he burned it off" - at this point I KNEW RIGHT THERE he was lying to me. I said to him. "Fluid does not come out of genital warts, it comes out of Herpes lesions" - and then he got all defensive and threatened the cops on me.

But he has GUILT written all over his face, and now I have to live with this for the rest of my life.

So I know how you feel!

Now - my double whammy is - I just broke up with my boyfriend of 4 yrs, and when we got back he assumed the risk of contracting Herpes from me because he wanted to be with me. Now we are no longer together. His last test was negative. I HOPE TO GOD he still is.

Things will be better for you. I know they will. At first I didn't believe it either, but that's just it - we have to BELIEVE :)

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BamBam i so relate, im pretty much the funny sexy chic in my group of friends and each time my friends and i go out and someone hits on me i always think to myself "umm you might wanna try someone else, im sure u dont want my herpes" its so sad and makes me want to cry the way i feel depreciated and valueless.

On the other hand im so sorry about you and kitty's experience, some people are just straight ridiculous. I got mine from my bf and unfortunately i feel like im stuck with him cos nobody else would want my crap! lets just hope for a vaccine soon...either a therapeutic one or one that would prevent people from getting it, so u can at least be able to say hey i have herpes...get a vaccine before we get busy! (sorry that was my lame attempt at a joke)

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Bambam,

I honestly don't know what to say. I was diagnosed about 6 months ago. My girlfriend (now ex) withheld the fact that she had herpes from me and decided to tell me after we slept together. I had a terrible outbreak and have been absolutely depressed ever since. I feel exactly the same way as you. I feel like I am damaged and that I will never be able to have a relationship . I've always dreamt of having a wife and kids but I just don't see that happening with my herpes. Just hearing the word makes me wanna die. I swear every damn movie I watch has some kind of herpes joke. It is absolutely killing me. I have so much anger and depression that is related to this condition that I don't know what to do. I am just hoping that at some point it will get better, but right now sh*t looks pretty bleak.

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My story is JUST like yours too. The guy that gave it to me lied to my face when I asked him if he had anything, and it took a year of us seeing each other on and off for me to finally sleep with him. I'm really sorry that you're going through this, I know how bad it is. All I can keep thinking is- How can someone be that selfish to not say anything? And dinki, nice try :) haha I agree with you though, if they had enough funding they could definitely find one in the recent future.

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Hey girl- you should get something other than a visual diagnoses. Get a blood test or a swab if you have sores. Then you know for sure what you have. For all you know it COULD have been a yeast infection.

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Oh, BamBam, I'm so sorry you are having such a hard time. I am sorry that any of you on this thread, or in the world, has to deal with this devastating diagnosis. It is so awful to get herpes from someone that you trusted, someone that you loved. I have a pretty good idea who I contracted the virus from (though some can never be sure), and I have left him several e-mails and texts. He has ignored them all. Unfortunately this is someone who I truly loved and trusted, and he has broken my heart in more ways than one. Still, I hope that he will get himself tested and be honest with his future partners...but I'm not keeping my fingers crossed.

I know how you feel about looking in the mirror and seeing a pretty girl who feels so badly about herself, because I have felt the same way. However, please know that this diagnosis doesn't change who you are as a person, and it doesn't change how the people who love you most see you. You got dealt the wrong end of the stick, and it sucks. Someone wasn't honest with you, someone who you trusted, and that sucks, period. It's one thing if someone tells you about his diagnosis and lets you make your own decision about being with him. It's another when someone knows and still has sex with you, putting your health (and your soul) at risk. You did nothing wrong, sweetheart, and if I have to tell you that 100 times, in 100 posts, I will.

As for being married and having kids, that will happen for you, too. These were the first things that I thought of when I first found out about my diagnosis. However, I have accepted the fact that I will have to tell my future partners about my diagnosis, and if they don't want to be with me after they find out, then they won't be the right ones for me. I guess I've had to put a little more faith in the concept of fate lately, and I keep telling myself that the person I'm truly supposed to be with will love me for me, and for all of my imperfections.

I don't know why your post jumped out at me more than others, but for some reason, I felt that I needed to respond. Hope it helped. :)

P.S. I just found out about my diagnosis a few days ago, so I know what you are going through right now! Let yourself have every emotion possible, and hopefully each day will be better than the last.

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I look in the mirror and i dont see the same girl. I see a pretty girl who has herpes that doesnt have anyone to relate to. No matter how hard i laugh and joke with my friends in the back of my mind i here a voice that says,"your not like them, YOU have herpes".

It's somehow scary to see your thoughts typed by someone else...THIS IS EXACTLY THE WAY I FEEL. You know when you are having a really good time and you forget about it for a sec, but then remember... I hate that soooooo much.

I think we are very lucky to feel we can relate to somebody else...It could have been so much more harder without any of this!

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This is really a hard thread to read. My heart is heavy just reading your pain and I have so much to say but don't know where to start. I want to tell you all to be strong but I know its so tough. I live with HOPE that it will get better and maybe someday it will leave me alone. I think about H2 everyday and take steps to avoid another OB. Just remember that you are not alone.

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Remember your AMAZING!!!! Anyone that is worth your time will look past the herpes and love you for who you are including the herpes!!! Remember it's not something we asked for!! and one in 4 has it so there is a good chance someone you meet could already have it. It's hard not to feel "damaged"...but I don't feel damaged, I still feel like me ...it's just the remembrance that you have a sexual past with a present bf and girls even in these "modern times" that that's wrong and dirty. Don't feel ashamed, treat the herpes, forget about it, if you don't see it as a big thing the people you meet you want.

Chin up :) xx

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Thank You Everyone!

You guys have no idea how much better reading your words of encouragement have made me feel. I see im not alone and im starting to understand that I AM still the same person. I thank all of you because you really have no idea how much light you all have shined on a dim situation

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As hard as this thread is to read, I think it will be one that I keep going back to again and again. I never thought I would join a forum, but it is really helping me to be able to communicate with people who are going through the same things as me! I like that I can hear from people who are newly diagnosed (like me), but also from people who have been living with herpes for some time and have assured me that I'm going to be okay.

It's been a week since my diagnosis, and for the the most part, I'm doing well. Guess I'm one of the lucky ones who has never really had a terrible outbreak; this, however, is hard because it makes it even more impossible to try and figure out when I got herpes, and from who. I think what hurts the most is that my ex-boyfriend, who hurt me so much (and who is the one I suspect gave them to me) has never answered any of my e-mails or texts about the diagnosis. It kind of feels like he's rubbing salt in the wounds....

So, thank you all for your kind and supportive words. I know that I am not alone.

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      Hey @WilsoInAus ok thank you, I will do my best to move on and stop trawling forums haha. 
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      Hey @sgt98 but there is no feasible infection or outbreak to suppress and antivirals do not suppress an initial outbreak in any event 
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Without lesions, it is highly questionable that the ailment is related to herpes, yet testing is useful if you have concerns as you have done so.] About a month after that [herpes causes issues within days, if the first 'symptoms' are a month later - its extremely unlikely they are related to herpes], significant discomfort downstairs, however every test I have ever taken for HSV 1 and 2 has been negative. Here are the details: Face: Previously, some significant tingling and itching on the right side of my mouth, lips and chin (still there, but milder) [herpes does not cause general tingling and itching, it can cause a reasonably concentrated feeling of itch/throb from which a herpes lesion appears within hours]. Occasional hot flashes near my right eye, cheek and ear [herpes does not do this, it may be a immune response to something, or stress]. Sometimes it will feel like the skin is crawling on the right side of my face [herpes does not cause a general crawling sensation]. Never seen anything that looked like a traditional cold sore [that's extremely telling, even people with associated atypical symptoms will have experienced herpes lesions]. Occasionally, the left side of my face will have a momentary feeling of skin crawling, but it's so mild that I am not really worried about it. Downstairs: Thankfully, most of these are now milder than they were before. Occasional momentary pinch of pain at the base of my genitals. [herpes does not cause a general pinch feeling.] Aching pain in my boxer area (groin, leg folds) [nor this] Occasional feeling of cold in my boxer area, butt, or lower back. ( also in my shins and occasionally even my arms) [nor this] On 4/30/2022, I had been in discomfort for almost two months. I scratched an itch, noticed it hurt, and then checked - I did have an open ulcer down there. Took myself to the ER to get swabbed, came back negative. 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There are hundreds if not more than a thousand experiences on this website alone that are similar to yours that are truly negative for herpes I'm one of them!]  
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