Feeling angry & hopeless

[Betrayed2010]

I want to try & keep my story as brief as possible, but there is just a lot on my mind. To start off I am a 25 year old female. I met a guy, we connected, after a few months, we decided to have sex. The condom broke and he continued, but he didn't inform me until after the fact. In addition to feeling angry, bitter, distressed and hopeless, I am am also extremely worried about pregnancy at this point.

Here's a short timeline of exactly what happened to me:

Wednesday 12/01/2010 - Sexual intercourse

Friday 12/03/2010 - Red/white rash on my vulva. I applied hydropcortizone.

Saturday 12/04/2010 - The red turned into a cluster of marks similiar to paper cuts & tiny red bumps

Sunday 12/05/2010 - Huge amount of yellow watery discharge, more bumps developed

*At this point, I told him that I was feeling different and a bit sickly. I felt slight fatigue, and muscle spasms? like tingles or something throughout my leg, thighs and feet. Even my hands, I seemed to get a loose grip & drop things easily. I just asked him to be honest with me and told him that I wouldn't be mad. I didn't tell him my exact symptoms. He called me a lying bitch, told me that I was overreacting and then he hung up.

Monday 12/06/2010 - 2 swollen & enlarged lymph nodes in my groin area. They were very painful. The red bumps turned into a large amount of open sores.

Tuesday 12/07/2010 - Slight burning when urinating. There was a now a foul smelling, thick & yellow discharge that appeared to be secreting from the sores on my vulva and not from my vagina.

*I called him up again and I told him that I made an appt for my GYN and that it's important that he tell me if he had anything so I can explain this to them him or her during my examination. He then got angry and said something like "It burns when you pee, you just got a uniary tract infection....you already had a bump on your vagina. Isnt it weird that I DIDNT TELL HIM MY SYMTPOMS, but he seemed to expect to know what I was going to say? AND he had the nerve to be mad at me? If this weren't so serious, it would actually be comical. Also, if I already had a bump on my vagina, why are you not concerned with being infected with something? If I already had a bump on my vagina, Why did u continue to have sex with me unprotected when you were the one who knew the condom broke?

He also mentioned something about "being clean" because he uses herbs to cleanse his body...yeah, okay. I am 100 % that he knew he had something and exposed to me to. I told him again, that I'm not angry, just concerned but he refuses to acknowledge anything.

Wednesday and today, I am just having the same symptoms as Tuesday. Swollen lymph nodes & open sores and discharge. I can do nothing expect wait until Saturday, at this point, I am not diagnosed with Herpes, but if they tell me that I am, it wont come as a suprise. In case I start crying, I've written down the list of dates/days and symptoms that I've been experiencing.

I was recently tested for all stds in September and everything back negative. Prior to him, I haven't had sex with anyone in almost 2 year and I've never experienced nothing like this in my life ever. So I am 100 % sure that if I infact do have herpes, it's from him.

Right now hes acting very distant and like a totally different person. Although I feel betrayed I told him that I am not angry with him and I would just appreciate if he's honest with me. He is more angry than I am. I can't tell my mother and I really don't have many close friends to tell this to. Will the doctor be able to prescribe me something to stop the discharge? Will the swollen lymph nodes eventually go down? I know that you are not doctors, but thank you for reading.

[Sunshine2you]

Oh, Betrayed, bless your heart. I'm so sorry that you are having such a painful, awful time with this! You are not alone, and I'm so glad that you found this website (though I'm sorry you have had to experience the things you have to get you to it).

First of all, I'm so glad that you have made an appointment with your doctor, and I think you are very smart to keep a journal of all of your symptoms, with corresponding dates. Your doctor will probably culture your sores, and he/she should also do a type-specific IGg test for herpes antibodies. Please ask the doctor to prescribe you something for your symptoms ASAP! He/she will probably start you on Valtrex, but you can ask for something for pain, too. Also, see if there is anything topical that will work to alleviate some of the symptoms. In the meantime, it might help to sit in a luke-warm bath (if it's not too painful), and try to keep your sores clean and dry at all other times. I don't know if you're working right now, but also try to get plenty of sleep over the next few days, because your body needs that, too. As for the swollen and painful lymphnodes, take some ibuprofin or Tylenol.

As for the guy, he is acting very "shady." Who knows what he's thinking? Maybe he's scared, too, or maybe he's feeling guilty about his behavior. You have done the very best you can with confronting him, and you have been more than patient. I recently e-mailed and texted the last guy I had been with before I was diagnosed, and he is ignoring me completely. It hurts a lot, and it also makes me very angry. He is someone who I trusted, and also someone who told me he had been tested for things and was clean. The problem is, most doctors don't include herpes blood tests in their STD work-ups, and I think that's a mistake. As a nurse and future nurse-practitioner, I'm going to do everything I can to counsel men and women about herpes and encourage them to get tested. It's so much more common than people realize!

I hope that by the time you receive this message, you will be feeling a bit better. You are not alone, sweetheart, and you will get through this, I promise. Take it one day at a time, and make sure that your doctor takes good care of you!

[Misty67]

Hi and welcome

First I'm very sorry for what you are going trough right now. I agree with sunshine, glad you made an appointment with the doctor. If the sores are still present the doctor will be able to swab them and test you that way. However, if the sores are not there you will have to wait to get a blood test, it's to soon for HSV antibodies to show up in lab work. It can take up to 3 months for antibodies to show. The tingles/spasms I'm very familiar with! my muscle twitch all the time..I can even sometimes see them jumping. That will get better with time! I also started having symptoms the very next day after exposure.

Sunshine gave you some good advise! try to take care of yourself as much as you can right now!

As far as your giver goes...he sound a bit like mine. Mine told me I was over-reacting and sent me a bunch of info on herpes...like I had no been researching it to death already! He also assured me he had no idea he has HSV.....and at this point it truly doesn't matter if he did or not.

This is a wonderful site! lots of helpful info...also, after you make 2 post you can join in live chat, there you will meet lots of great people willing to offer advise and give support!

[Mek]

I honestly think you should cut him out of your life. I was diagnosed yesterday. Saturday was the last time I was intimate with my boyfriend. Monday night comes and it felt a little itchy. Tuesday I notice bumps rising and you can absolutely not touch them. As the day continued i noticed sores and EVERYTHING was three times the size. Discharge and all of that. I strongly believe you have herpes as well, but it can be somewhat controlled. Don't blame him, don't blame yourself. If you don't have any close friends to talk to about this, you have all of us.

Once you go to the doctor you will be prescribed with a medication that will reduce the outbreak and clear the symptoms, so all the swelling and such will go away. The more you stress, the more outbreaks you have. Good luck! <3

[aquatic]

Please stop the Hydrocortosone immediately! Its a steroid. Please read up on it, I made the mistake too. Sorry so brief here

For anything Google: Herpes and xxxxxx

Fill ion the xxx with the subject word and you find a lot. Also this site excellent. Search foods, meds, drugs, herbs, diets, etc

[Betrayed2010]

Thanks sooo much for the responses. I really do appreciate them. I've been busy these past 2 days with schools and 10 hr days at work =( Unfortunately I had to postpone by appt with the GYN (it was supposed to be tomorrow) b/c that time of the month came 2day. I am extremely angry because it means 1 more week of going thru this pain and not knowing =( but at the same time, I am relieved because pregnancy is not a concern anymore.

I am definitely gonna stop the hydrocream. I applied it only oncewhen I first noticed the rash, not knowing what it would turn into =( Thanks again for the responses and the advice, it really means a lot to me at a time where I am hurting very much emotionally & physically!