Hello, I also am pretty sure I have herpes = [

[theSTIG]

My name is Dan, I'm 23 years old and I am pretty sure I screwed up my life by not being true to myself and abstaining from sex. I feel so stupid... one girl... one girl and now I have to life with this for the rest of my life. I haven't been officially diagnosed but I am so sure that I have it. What a kick in the gut. I posted a long story in the other forum describing my experience. How I thought I got away with it... and how now I don't. I'm so down and out about all of this... but trying to stay positive.

Dan

[gossamer]

Hey Dan, s&%t happens. I (entirely) feel your pain, and am trying to be optimistic about the whole situation. On the up side, having herpes (allegedly) doesn't mean you have screwed up your life, people (one in four to be exact) live happy, healthy lives even with the big H. I'm 23 too, and am facing the possibility that I also have this sneaky little virus. Hey, look at in perspective- it's not life threatening, it's very controllable, and WHEN you're with someone that truly loves you...y'all will find a way to deal with it. Consider it a test for them... best of luck to you!

[RealisticGal]

Dan, I read your long story. You are really beating yourself up, hon. Golly, you don't need to beat yourself up. Trust me, life will do it for you!

I agree with someone who answered you there on that other thread. It doesn't sound at all confirmed that you have herpes. In fact, the tests you have taken over the past couple of years seem to suggest otherwise.

And at the same time, I read that your lovely lady Carolyn is supportive and accepting of the whole situation.

Just my opinion, but if I were you I would go through Terri Warren at the Westover Heights Clinic (as a phone patient if you are not in that area) and get a Western Blot test done. Then I would believe what those test results, as well as Terri, tell you about your HSV status.

And whether the results are negative or positive, I would give Carolyn the credit she deserves to be an adult who can make her own informed decision about you and your future together.

[theSTIG]

Thank you guys for you posts. I understand where you are coming from realisticgal and have made huge progress as of late coming to terms with the likely possibility that I do indeed... have the big H. I am someone that doesn't forgive others easily and forget about forgiving myself about anything. I am hard on myself because I brought this down on myself, there is nobody to blame but myself.

Carolyn has been unbelievably supportive. She could have run off scared for herself and her own well being but has not let it affect her at all. She was shocked with her HPV diagnosis but was fine in a day. I get on the phone with her crying about the possibility that I do have H and she has been so good to me. She always calms me down and tells me it will all work out. That I will be fine and we will be fine together regardless of the outcome.

If it comes down to Terri Warren then I will go through her. I already ordered her book. My parents have seen what all this worry has done to me and one way or another, they are getting me that test to ease my mind one way or the other. My parents and whole family have been very supportive. I sobbed crying to my sister and she has been such a good sister. I couldn't ask for any more support through this. This has really made me realize what is important in life. Good relationships, good times... and taking it one day at a time. Every day you wake up and breathe is a gift.

Thanks for the response. I appreciate it, I really do. =]

Dan

[RealisticGal]

Good for you and good for your very supportive family and girlfriend!!!

As for you "bringing this down on yourself," try to get past that belief, okay?

We are humans. We have drives and desires and needs. It seems clear to me that Carolyn recognizes that. The fact that you have only been with one other girl before her is very rare, as I know you realize.

Seriously, there is nothing wrong with sex. It is a natural, wonderful thing we have. The fact that some folks have made it out to be "bad" or "dirty" or "naughty" is really the only reason that herpes is considered a big deal. It is the social stigma of this infection, based upon puritanical mores, that causes problems.

Medically, it isn't much concern. That's why most doctors pay it little attention.

The good news is, you and Carolyn can go ahead and have a relatively "normal" sex life (whatever normal means).

So just get tested for a definitive diagnosis, and then relax and stop focusing on this --- either way.

[theSTIG]

Hello again, I appreciate your responses so far and am glad you have taken time to respond to me. Your responses have been helping me as well and telling me that I can still most likely have a normal sex life.

I have a few questions that maybe you can help ease my fears.

If my first outbreak or I should say noticeable outbreak was "mild" without sores or blisters and happened after three and a half years, can I expect future outbreaks to be even less severe or similar?

If it takes years for it to show up, does that bode well for not having many recurrent outbreaks?

Do many people do constant suppressive therapy regardless of if they have lots of outbreaks or not? If I do have this, I am leaning towards just taking 500mg of Valtrex daily, for mine and Carolyns sake. How do you feel about this?

Thank you for any insight on these questions. You have already been more than helpful.

Dan

[RealisticGal]

Hello again, I appreciate your responses so far and am glad you have taken time to respond to me. Your responses have been helping me as well and telling me that I can still most likely have a normal sex life.

You should talk to a couple of the guys here, MrHonest and JBnATL. They have both had herpes for quite a while now, and can give you insight from the guy point of view.

One of them has been married twice with it. They apparently have never passed it to any of their partners. They can give you more specifics about the mechanics of their own sex lives, but it sounds to me like they have been pretty "normal."

These guys are both moderators here now, so they are fairly easy to locate.

I have a few questions that maybe you can help ease my fears.

Let's give it a try. You ask questions. I'll give some answers. Let's see if they match!

If my first outbreak or I should say noticeable outbreak was "mild" without sores or blisters and happened after three and a half years, can I expect future outbreaks to be even less severe or similar?

If it takes years for it to show up, does that bode well for not having many recurrent outbreaks?

The problem is, herpes didn't read the book on how it is "supposed" to behave. It seems to have a different course for each individual.

However, it seems much more likely (based on the personal experiences I've read here, as well as official "expert" information) that a mild initial outbreak is likely to bode well for you having fewer and less severe recurrences. You might not even have another outbreak at all.

This is all assuming that the symptoms you recently experienced even were herpes related. There are many other possibilities.

Do many people do constant suppressive therapy regardless of if they have lots of outbreaks or not? If I do have this, I am leaning towards just taking 500mg of Valtrex daily, for mine and Carolyns sake. How do you feel about this?

I have no idea if "many" people use the suppressive regimen versus intermittent therapy. I guess those stats are available somewhere.

I would say that a lot of folks who are sexually active with uninfected partners probably do, because it has been proven that Valtrex decreases the instance of asymptomatic viral shedding, thus protecting the uninfected partner. I believe the statistic says that suppressive antiviral therapy decreases the chances of transmission by something like 40-50%.

That's pretty significant!

So I would say, it's a pretty good idea. Especially since you are so worried about passing herpes to Carolyn, if you have it, daily suppressive therapy is probably a good idea.

Thank you for any insight on these questions. You have already been more than helpful.

Dan

You're welcome. Be sure to discuss it all with Carolyn. She has a clear stake in the decisions.

[theSTIG]

Thank you for the response... again! You have been more than helpful to me. Hopefully... if I do have it... It will be mild for me... forever. I fear seeing blisters on my crank like you wouldn't believe. Redness and horrible sensitivity I can deal with... although I guess I don't have much choice do I now. That is if I even have it... Western Blot here I come. I hate that it has had to come to this.

I will definitely talk to Carolyn about it... but right now... she doesn't want to hear me talking like I already have it. She says I have had a defeatest attitude about the whole thing where as feel I have had a realistic attitude about it. I won't talk to her about it at this point until it's clear as mud whether or not I have it. Only then does she want to talk about it. She said when that happens, we will cross that bridge when we come to it. So for right now, she says I have to live under the assumption I don't have it. She didn't even want me to get another test done. She said she was fine with the testing I have had done so far. Part of me just wants to say ignorance is bliss... but at the same time... I want to protect her even though she is apparently fine with it and thinks that I am fine. We will see I guess.

Dan

[RealisticGal]

I think Carolyn has a very good attitude. Why borrow trouble before it lands on your doorstep? I also understand exactly where you are coming from. Uncertainty sucks. You want to know!

Just get the WB test so your mind will be at ease, one way or the other. And then once you know you and Carolyn can get it all figured out.

Oh, and of course you hate the image of lesions on your penis. Men are very freaked out about anything affecting that part, and why wouldn't they be? For that matter, if you read some of the stories from women here, they are understandably devastated by the image of their own private bits being covered with sores. Sure, of course.

If nothing else, you have this site as an awesome resource. You can learn many tips here for minimizing and managing the herpes virus, if you need to do so.

Hang in there, Dan.