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Mari922107

By Mari922107
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Mari922107 Honeycomb Member

Mari922107

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Hi, I found out I have herpes 3 weeks ago. I suspect I got recently infected. It was my own fault for not using protection, and playing the field. I unknowingly infect one man and endangered the health of another cause of my selfishness and stupidity. The worst thing for me is living with that guilt and the fact that I lost the man I'm in love with. There is not a day goes by that I dont cry and wish I could turn the hands of time. Thank God that man I'm in love with is negative, but I am afraid to be with him again, so cut it off. The one I infected has been the one most supportive, incredibly that he say he still is in love with me no matter what. He' great! But my delema is that my heart still belongs to the other. My heart is in such torment. Because of this condition I feel I have no more choices. I am an outcast. Will this ever get easier? I hope so.......Thanks for listening.

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Dogwatch Established Member

Dogwatch

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I suspect I got recently infected.

That's certainly possible. On the other hand you could have been infected for years and not known about it (it's estimated that as many as 80% of all people with HSV don't know they have it).

It was my own fault for not using protection, and playing the field.

Don't beat yourself up too much on that score. Condoms are notoriously unreliable for preventing herpes because it's a skin condition, and the virus can be present on any part of the body in the "boxer shorts" area (and of course the mouth).

I unknowingly infect one man and endangered the health of another cause of my selfishness and stupidity.

Again, don't beat yourself up. You didn't know you had HSV - and if you had no symptoms before, how could you know?! It wasn't malicious. Like I said above, most people who have it don't know.

And saying that you "endangered the health" of someone is most definitely overstating the case, because of all the STIs, HSV is the one that actually has the least medical implications (except in a very few extremely rare cases). In fact medically, it's probably the most minor STI out there: It won't make you sterile (chlamidya / gonorrhoea), it won't melt your brain or drive you do-lally (syphilis), it won't cause cancer (HPV) and it definitely won't kill you (HIV / Hep B). For the vast majority of people, essentially herpes is nothing more than just a minor viral skin condition and an occasional inconvenience.

Thank God that man I'm in love with is negative, but I am afraid to be with him again, so cut it off ... The one I infected has been the one most supportive, incredibly that he say he still is in love with me no matter what. He' great! But my delema is that my heart still belongs to the other. My heart is in such torment.

Sounds to me like a dilemma of the heart, not one of herpes!!

And this other guy is clearly no fool, because he seems to understand what a minor deal herpes actually is in the grand scheme of things.

Because of this condition I feel I have no more choices. I am an outcast. Will this ever get easier? I hope so.......Thanks for listening.

You're only an outcast if you decide that's what you are. Herpes is only as big a deal as you choose to make it.

And yes it will get easier. Most definitely. For most folks, herpes is a psychological problem rather than a medical one. Once the initial shock wears off, you'll be fine.

And from where I'm sitting it looks to me like you have two very good choices: One bloke who wants you despite herpes. And another who you've cut off yourself due to guilt.

So follow your heart, not the herpes. Don't let a common, minor skin virus call the shots. You have HSV. It doesn't have you!

Live long and prosper!

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Margaux Established Member

Margaux

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It's ok, Mari. It really is going to be ok. Don't settle for someone else but the one you love. You are not limited in dating nor are you worth less in a relationship for having herpes. (((HUGS)))

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Mari922107 Honeycomb Member

Mari922107

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@dogwatch. This has been worse for me more mentally then physically. Thanks for all your comments, they are very helpful. I think with all the support in this site, I will be ok. I still have a lot of questions and doubts but as time goes on I will post them. Thanks again.

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norcallove Established Member

norcallove

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Hi Mari. I just wanted to say hi. I am glad that you are starting to feel a little better. This site helped me a lot as well. I only went to the doctors a little over 2 weeks ago, so I understand all of your emotions. Try not to feel guilty. You didn't know you had HSV, and your partners were willing participants. I know it is easier said than done though. I am glad you're not feeling so alone anymore. We're all here for you and we all understand what you're going through :)

I agree with everyone above - follow your heart and don't settle for anyone you aren't in love with. Don't let H take over your love life. It is a sometimes irritating skin condition and should have nothing to do with who you date. :) Take care hun.

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      What is the usual order of events in initial infection for GHSV?

      By sgt98 · Posted

      Hey @WilsoInAus ok thank you, I will do my best to move on and stop trawling forums haha. 
    • WilsoInAus
      What is the usual order of events in initial infection for GHSV?

      By WilsoInAus · Posted

      Hey @sgt98 but there is no feasible infection or outbreak to suppress and antivirals do not suppress an initial outbreak in any event 
    • sgt98
      What is the usual order of events in initial infection for GHSV?

      By sgt98 · Posted

      Thanks @WilsoInAus I understand apologies for this but the only other thing I am worried about is that I did take a course of Famvir on day 1 as I felt like I was having an outbreak of cold sores and am worried that has suppressed the initial outbreak genitally 
    • WilsoInAus
      What is the usual order of events in initial infection for GHSV?

      By WilsoInAus · Posted

      Hi @sgt98 it is not feasible to obtain a HSV-2 infection from receiving oral sex - only HSV-1 is feasible but you've already got that and immunity from any further infection with HSV-1. You do not need any further tests for HSV. You're feeling regret, try to forgive yourself and calm down, let the rational take over. You know the answer here and it won't be long until you believe it too.
    • WilsoInAus
      Looking for some insight on an atypical experience.

      By WilsoInAus · Posted

      Hi @NerdP423 and welcome to the website. You raise a lot of points and I think the best way to address your concerns is add some comments at each key point. I've copied your note again below and added these comments in square brackets. I appreciate any insight (even speculation) as to what has been going on with me. I'm a 37y/o M. I last was intimate with a new partner on 2/11/2022, and a few days later started having a huge amount of discomfort in my face. [The first thing that happens though is that herpes causes lesions or at least some skin based disruption. Other symptoms are then related to the actions of the immune system responding to the virus. Without lesions, it is highly questionable that the ailment is related to herpes, yet testing is useful if you have concerns as you have done so.] About a month after that [herpes causes issues within days, if the first 'symptoms' are a month later - its extremely unlikely they are related to herpes], significant discomfort downstairs, however every test I have ever taken for HSV 1 and 2 has been negative. Here are the details: Face: Previously, some significant tingling and itching on the right side of my mouth, lips and chin (still there, but milder) [herpes does not cause general tingling and itching, it can cause a reasonably concentrated feeling of itch/throb from which a herpes lesion appears within hours]. Occasional hot flashes near my right eye, cheek and ear [herpes does not do this, it may be a immune response to something, or stress]. Sometimes it will feel like the skin is crawling on the right side of my face [herpes does not cause a general crawling sensation]. Never seen anything that looked like a traditional cold sore [that's extremely telling, even people with associated atypical symptoms will have experienced herpes lesions]. Occasionally, the left side of my face will have a momentary feeling of skin crawling, but it's so mild that I am not really worried about it. Downstairs: Thankfully, most of these are now milder than they were before. Occasional momentary pinch of pain at the base of my genitals. [herpes does not cause a general pinch feeling.] Aching pain in my boxer area (groin, leg folds) [nor this] Occasional feeling of cold in my boxer area, butt, or lower back. ( also in my shins and occasionally even my arms) [nor this] On 4/30/2022, I had been in discomfort for almost two months. I scratched an itch, noticed it hurt, and then checked - I did have an open ulcer down there. Took myself to the ER to get swabbed, came back negative. 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I was taking the Arganine to see if I could induce an outbreak. [This is irrelevant, there is no known linkage between herpes outbreaks and arginine/lysine intake - its a myth - and B12 infers nothing.] I think what I am asking is - has anyone here ever repeatedly tested negative over and over again over long period of time, before getting a definitive answer, be a positive test, or something else? [The answer to this is: Extremely few people with a HSV-1 infection and even more rarely HSV-2 test repeatedly negative on Westernblot and actually carry the virus. Of the cases that I know of that had delayed detection by a swab and negative blood tests in the meantime (and that's only 3-4 cases), they had some form of lesions within days of infection but did not obtain a swab for various reasons and then obtained a positive swab of a subsequent lesion with the record being 11 months later. A couple of the cases did have some 'background' symptoms they thought might be related to herpes but that isn't ascertained and some did not have any unusual symptoms at all apart from the lesions. Hence as you did not have lesions around your mouth or lips within days of the last sexual encounter as is exceptionally common for a primary oral HSV-1 infection, that pretty much rules out herpes orally as it is. The fact that you had no genital symptoms for a month also rules out genital herpes. I am not aware of anyone at all who has genuinely gone on to test positive by swab or blood in your specific circumstances. There are hundreds if not more than a thousand experiences on this website alone that are similar to yours that are truly negative for herpes I'm one of them!]  
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