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Newly diagnosed? Confused and sad...


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This is probably going to be lengthy but I am newly diagnosed, very confused, and need some advice. Here's some background info: been dating current boyfriend for 3 months, last STD test until now was in June, and used protection with the boyfriend I had between June to the current. I've never had any outbreaks or any problems of any kind, however I do suspect now that my previous BF is the one that spread this to me through trying to pass off other STD tests as herpes tests and avoiding sex for no real reason certain times we were dating.

Now to the present: Two weeks ago I was at home with my boyfriend when I started to feel slightly off, nothing specifically wrong but I just really started to not feel well. I was having PMS and just figured that was the case. Before we went to sleep that evening I started to get a headache and again just figured it was PMS so I ignored it along with alternating between feeling very hot and very cold. That night I woke up around 4AM shaking terribly, covered in sweat, had a piercing awful headache, and my entire body ached like I had the flu or something. I did notice I had an itching in one spot in my groin, close to my thigh and I ignored it assuming it was just irritation from the type of underwear I had worn that night. Took some meds and went back to sleep and the next morning I felt mostly ok, the headache was still there and I didn't feel fantastic but better than I had before.

Later that day I get a panicked call from the BF stating we need to talk and asking about my sexual history, I told him everything about being last tested in June, using protection with the ex before him, and never having anything out of the ordinary happen. He tells me he has blisters all over his penis and crotch area and I should probably check myself out too. I go to the restroom and to my horror I have them everywhere! They are all over my outer lips, inner lips, and I had 3 in the spot I had extreme itching in the night before. Needless to say I pretty much lost it and we agreed to go to the DR together. To further add to confusion we hadn't had sex for 2 days leading up to that night so it was confusing that we both broke out that way at the exact same time.

We get to the walk in clinic where both of us are examined by the DR. No swabs taken, he gets bloodwork done and I don't because I wanted to get into my normal gyno for further information. DR diagnoses both of us with genital herpes, we both get 20 of the 1 gram Valtrex and we're sent on our way. I was pretty devastated and the diagnosis is definitely putting us in a rough spot with issues of pointing fingers, asking if this was done on purpose, and adding blame.

I'm in horrible pain, my blisters began to pop and some remained just red spots which never turned into blisters. They stung horribly when I used the restroom and I had horrible itching sensations and burning and lost sleep for 3 days it was so bad. Finally they began to clear up and healed over with tiny scabs, the bumps never turned into huge sores. I finally got into my gyno 5 days after the initial outbreak, she checked me out and said it didn't look like herpes based on how well it healed and never turned into sores and she refused to give me more valtrex until we have a confirmed diagnosis. She did take my blood to be tested for HSV1 and HSV2 and I go back next Tuesday to get the results. She did find however very bad yeast to which I was given diflucan and a cream which did clear up.

A few days ago BF got his results back from the DR, the office tested him for HSV2 and all other STDS, and his results were negative but they told him that given what it looked like and how we reacted to the meds I'd probably infected him so it was negative since it was so new. Great right? I'm interested to get my blood work back to see what it says based on that.

That brings me to now. My Valtrex ran out on Saturday. Saturday morning I woke up with the horrible itching again and thought oh no not another outbreak so soon... Instead I've developed no rash, but in my entire groin and buttocks area it tingles, itches, and burns, not just on top of the skin but it feels like it's deep in the tissue. Still having it today, not getting better at all but no rash or blisters. Is this normal for herpes? I'm just trying to figure out any other options or what to do at this point until I can get a diagnosis and more meds, nothing is giving me relief from this burning pain!! Also my lower back has been aching and itching, not sure if this is related or not but I felt miserable the whole weekend with aches in my body. Any advice is appreciated, I'm having a really tough time with this and just wish I had answers..

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Hello ack11,

wow, that is some story.

First off, did the doctor swab you or your bf to see what would culture? A culture is usually pretty reliable unless the sore are old and there isn't enough fluid etc to swab. Second, some people can take months to to test positive on a type specific blood test. I believe the average is around 3-4 months. So, he could test negative but be positive. Third...five days to clear up an inital OB like you described does seem pretty fast but every one reacts differently to herpes. It is possible the valtrex helped with that.

My suggestion is to take good care of yourself for now and wait to see what comes back from your doc. This may not be herpes and you might be stressing yourself out for nothing. Hang in there.

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Unfortunately no she didn't, if I'd been thinking right I would've asked for one! I didn't know much about the accuracy and timing of the tests until I researched it more. When I finally got into my gyno she was pretty upset that they didn't suggest swabs for either of us since by the time I saw her it was too late. I've read about the timing for people to show up positive so that's what we're thinking so far and I'm having a TON of guilt thinking it probably came from me even though I didn't know, I'm really wanting my results to come back soon so I can see what shows up on mine. I'm hoping there's still some chance it's not and I've been looking into everything else that it could be, however when I really think about what happened I think it's way too unlikely to be anything but this considering me and BF had the exact same visual symptoms at the same time and both reacted well to the Valtrex. :(

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Visual diagnosis is very unreliable and I am surprised that the doc didn't do the swabs.....

Did you know that herpes is not part of the standard sti testing? I mention that because unless you specifically ask for it is usually doesn't happen. Were you or your bf SURE of your status prior to becoming sexually active? Most people are not since they assume that herpes is part of the routine STI check.

Anyway to ask previous parnters to get tested?

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I was definitely sure of my status up through June. I'd gotten out of a long term relationship of 2 years that was also long distance so I suspected some cheating and wanted to be safe. As for my current BF he hasn't been tested for it before. He has only been with 3 women, 1 cheated on him and the another he doesn't think did but wasn't sure so he's assuming he was clean based on his negative blood work. I'm somewhat angry that the doctor told him it HAD to come from me seeing as he's testing negative. I understand the logic in that because of new infections taking time to show but still really pisses me off because now he is straight up blaming me. I did ask my previous long term BF about it and he's getting tested on the 21st this month. I dated one guy between him and my current BF over the summer, we began dating after my testing and broke up in mid-August. We had sex once and used a condom and then for some reason for the rest of the time we dated he would never have sex with me again for no real reason. Looking back on it now I have a suspicion he is positive for HSV, knew it, and was trying to hide his outbreak from me. I've contacted him and he e-mailed me a copy of his latest STD test which was a week after we broke up, all is clean but he claims that the herpes test is labeled "cytomegalovirus CMV". I thought this was strange so I looked it up online and discovered this is a test for the mono virus, not HSV1 or HSV2! Someone please correct me if I'm wrong on this. I asked him what types of herpes virus the test covered and he claimed "all of them". I figure it's not worth fighting over because it won't change my outcome so I just let it go.

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