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Really down today - exactly 1 month in

enlightenlife3

By enlightenlife3
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enlightenlife3 Honeycomb Member

enlightenlife3

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Just realized exactly 1 month ago today I found out I had HSV2. Things started to look up and now I am so depressed again. This has turned my life upside down and changed it completely. I just want to die. I am so emotionally drained, I just want to not feel anything anymore. All the anti-depressant medication, therapy and talks with close friends does not seem to help. It's not even about the physical aspect of H, first OB was not even that bad. I was betrayed by a so called friend, got H and am losing the man that I love on top of it. I feel so alone and hopeless.

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boopboop Established Member

boopboop

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big hugs to you.

We all have our up and down days. Keep telling yourself this is really common and people have lived with it for thousands of years! Look after yourself, be healthy and exercise and you'll forget about the herpes and hopefully have less breakouts. How is your relationship going downhill...is it because of how feels about it or how you now see yourself?

Best thing is to pick yourself up and dust yourself off and remember your still you. x

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enlightenlife3 Honeycomb Member

enlightenlife3

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How is your relationship going downhill...is it because of how feels about it or how you now see yourself?

Hi boopboop,

Thanks for replying. He doesn't seem to bothered about the H. He doesn't believe me about how I got it. (I was roofed at a party and then taken advantage of by a so called friend) He thinks I was more of a willing participant and feels like I cheated on him and to him that is an "unforgivable act". He doesn't even what to hear all what happened, so he is making assumtions on what his mind conjures up. It is just so sad and I feel alone in a time when I need him the most :(

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Margaux Established Member

Margaux

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((((((((HUGS))))))))))) HOW you got herpes is probably an unknown if you've had sex with anyone else in your life besides this horrid friend and your bf. Has the bf ever tested for herpes? If not, he may find that he has it (and has maybe had it a long time) but just never suffered the symptoms, in which case it is possible he gave it to you. I know how badly you are aching over all of this. We are here for you. The people on this site have made me feel cared for. I hope I/we can do the same for you.

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enlightenlife3 Honeycomb Member

enlightenlife3

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((((((((HUGS))))))))))) HOW you got herpes is probably an unknown if you've had sex with anyone else in your life besides this horrid friend and your bf. Has the bf ever tested for herpes? If not, he may find that he has it (and has maybe had it a long time) but just never suffered the symptoms, in which case it is possible he gave it to you. I know how badly you are aching over all of this. We are here for you. The people on this site have made me feel cared for. I hope I/we can do the same for you.

Hi Margaux,

After my friend confided in me early in the year that he had HSV2 because he needed someone to talk to, I did some research online so I knew what I was talking about when giving support and advise. Finding out that someone could have herpes and not know it, I had myself tested (type specific blood test) back in July. This is how I confimed I had oral HSV1, I figured I did since adolesence. I was HSV2 negative in July. I had broken up with my finance in June and we were just going to get back together within days of this happening. We had not been intimate since the break up because we were taking things slow and I hadn't had sex with anyone else either, so it was from my HSV2 positive friend who took advantage of an opportunity and then I had symptoms and an outbreak about 2 weeks later. Thanks for the support. I really feel awful and just want it all to end.

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Paiggeypoo Honeycomb Member

Paiggeypoo

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Hey. (: You need to be strong. Everything will get better. I know how it is that your boyfriend would not stand by you, mine didnt either, But there are other fish in the sea.

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nycgirl87 Honeycomb Member

nycgirl87

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Hi enlightenlife3- so sorry that you are down. It really sucks, plain and simple. I understand about a bf not sticking by you, things are different with mine after I told him about my diagnosis of HSV2 the other night, and our relationship might possibly end. But if it does, for any of us, we can handle it. We can use this time to think about what WE want, how WE are going to get better. Because a boyfriend isn't going to do that for us. I wish you the best during this time :)

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Msprofessional Newbie

Msprofessional

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I understand how you feeling. The only difference is I contracted it from my ex husband who I just back with. The worst thing is a woman called me and told me to get tested. Its crazy because I spoke to my doctor about bumps in my vaginal but she assumed it was boils because of how caution I am regarding sex. Unfortunately, I was having outbursts. I feel so alone. I lost my desire for sex and I don't want to sleep with him any more. I am still young, and i hope I can have a healthly sex life.

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Msprofessional Newbie

Msprofessional

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How do you tell a new partner you have herpes! I am so afraid to move on it's crazy. I can't forgive my partner and don't ever want to hurt anyone like I've been deceived and hurt. This is a life long disease; I can't believe someone uninfected is willingly to take a chance with me!!!

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boopboop Established Member

boopboop

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hmm.. I think you need to sit him down and tell hims straight what happened. He probably isnt sure how to deal with this- he has the thought of another guy taking advantage of his girl and then herpes...but if hes not to bothered about the herpes maybe he does have it?

Overall hes being really selfish and immature.... if he doesnt get his act together id be shot of him because if this is how he treats you about something SO awful and when ur feeling soooo many horrible emotions ( i was assualted when 15 ...minor but i know the HORRIBLE thoughts and emotions that run through your head) and really need to feel accepted by someone...especially when you are left with a reminder...hes not going to be much use for anyother event that is tough in your life. He is being an right immature ass!

Having another negative person around you really wont help you at all right now. Keep your chin up and work on yourself! Move forward and put people not worth your time in your past.

Hugs!

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enlightenlife3 Honeycomb Member

enlightenlife3

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hmm.. I think you need to sit him down and tell hims straight what happened. He probably isnt sure how to deal with this- he has the thought of another guy taking advantage of his girl and then herpes.

I tried to tell him what happened a couple of times but he just gets upset and doesn't want to hear it. When all of this happened I was scared and told him a lie about how it happened. I tried to soften the blow out of love and it only made things worse. So I came clean and told him the truth. So, now he says that he can't believe what I say. I have never lied to him before. So, it's not like I cannot be trusted. He says he needs time to "forget" what happened, so I leave him alone and then he calls like nothing is wrong. I am getting such mixed signals from him. It's like he's mad and feels he should leave, but then can't. I'm confused. I wish if he was going to go, he would just go already so that I can get on with my life!! Ugh!! Like I need this on top of everything else.

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nycgirl87 Honeycomb Member

nycgirl87

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Hi Msprofessional- when did you get diagnosed? I know the first few months are going to be tough, we probably won't want to have sex (I know I am even scared of my vagina, I feel I don't know it anymore!), and that's okay. It's part of the process. But soon we will learn how to 'deal' and feel better and sex drives will come back. Telling a new partner isn't fun, my boyfriend and I have been together just over 2 months. It blows. But if they can't accept it, or try to learn about it, they aren't worth it. I've also learned I may start wanting to wait longer when becoming intimate (not a bad thing). So our lives will be a little different, but not all bad ways. Good luck :)

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dontknow1H Honeycomb Member

dontknow1H

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I agree with you. Nobody that is unaffected is going to take that chance. The doctor keeps talking this 1 in 5 people have it shit, well where the hell are they at? We should have a get together everyone from here in the NY/NJ/ area it would help us out a lot, being able to discuss things with each other and people with our condition. No one else is going to understand us.

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Dogwatch Established Member

Dogwatch

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Sounds to me like your emotional turmoil and depression are rooted far more in guilt and regret about your transgression than they are herpes-related. The "man you love" doesn't even seem bothered about the herpes issue, added to which your physical symptoms are by your own description minor.

You probably need relationship counselling more than you need herpes counselling.

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Dogwatch Established Member

Dogwatch

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NYC girl you told your new boyfriend that you had HSV and he stayed with you?

Why wouldn't he?

Herpes is (for the vast majority of people) a relatively minor skin condition that's an occasional inconvenience. Not some "terrible disease".

Fortunately, there are some intelligent folks out there who are well-informed and don't buy into all the silly, undeserved, media-driven hysteria that surrounds it. This guy appears to be one of them.

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Dogwatch Established Member

Dogwatch

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I lost my sex drive dick hasn't been hard in weeks, is there anybody out there that still has sex even though they have hsv1 or hsv2?

Yes - untold millions of people.

And given that an estimated 80% of adults have hsv1, 25% have hsv2 and some have both, the future of the species would be very bleak if they all suddenly stopped having sex just because of some minor, relatively benign (for the vast majority of people) skin condition.

Don't buy into the hype and stigma.

Live long & prosper!

http://herpesisnormal.com/?page_id=19

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enlightenlife3 Honeycomb Member

enlightenlife3

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Dogwatch, you are probably right. But I wouldn't be going through this shit if I didn't get herpes out of it. I would have kept it to myself and suffered internally about what my friend did. I would still have my guy by my side and I would still have my life the way it was before. I would not be sad and lonely. I would not wake up and think about downing a bottle of Xanax. I would still love me.

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Dogwatch Established Member

Dogwatch

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Dogwatch, you are probably right. But I wouldn't be going through this shit if I didn't get herpes out of it. I would have kept it to myself and suffered internally about what my friend did. I would still have my guy by my side and I would still have my life the way it was before. I would not be sad and lonely. I would not wake up and think about downing a bottle of Xanax. I would still love me.

The herpes clearly isn't an issue for him, so it shouldn't be for you (at least not in relation to this situation). And the fact that he still calls should tell you something.

Time can be a great healer - so give it time. Just be patient, it's still early days. From what you've said, I think there's a good chance he'll come round and give the relationship another chance.

There's no reason why you can't have your life back the way it was before. Shit of one form or another happens in life to everybody from time to time. And there are far worse things than a relationship crisis (we all have 'em). And there are definitely far worse things than a minor skin ailment like herpes.

Try and look at this as a bump in the road, and not some life-altering trauma. Because it doesn't need to be that at all (unless you allow it to be).

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enlightenlife3 Honeycomb Member

enlightenlife3

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There's no reason why you can't have your life back the way it was before. Shit of one form or another happens in life to everybody from time to time. And there are far worse things than a relationship crisis (we all have 'em). And there are definitely far worse things than a minor skin ailment like herpes.

No kidding Dogwatch. I am just so tired of always getting the shitty end of the stick..... I longed for a son. After 2 yrs of infertility issues, I got pregnant, had a son, he got cancer and died at 19 months old. Then my Dad finally got sober after after being an alchoholic all my life and then he dies 10 months after my son. I finally get out of a crappy verbally abusive 12yr marriage, find a really good man and then am losing him because I got roofied at a party and taken advantage of by my so-called friend and get herpes to boot!!! So, yeah, I know there are far worse things than herpes......I've lived them! But it still sucks and I am at the end of my rope with life.

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enlightenlife3 Honeycomb Member

enlightenlife3

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Thanks Margaux, you have no idea. It's like all of the hurt and loss has all come back up and I just cannot cope. I just want all of it to go away. I seriously have been debating all morning to end it all or not. I have come to the conclusion that all I ever wanted in life was to be loved. I never felt it as a child, teen or young adult. Now that I finally get to a place in my life that I loved myself and am truely loved by another, it is ripped from me by an event I was not completely in control of and now I have lost it all. I am no longer loved or love myself. It took over 40 yrs to get to that point of true love of self and to find true love. Now it is all gone.

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nycgirl87 Honeycomb Member

nycgirl87

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Hi dontknow1H- don’t say that no one that is unaffected won’t be with us, I know that there are members in the community whose partners have it, and they are knowingly with them. It doesn’t have to be “us” versus “them.” But trust me I feel like that right now. I love the idea of a meetup. I would love to meet new people anyway so this seems like a good way to do two things. Why don't you pm me and maybe we can start to figure something out?

I did tell my boyfriend the other night, but since then I haven’t heard from him much. He let me know that “he can’t deal with this (herpes talk) right now” since it’s finals, so it’s not exactly a good time. We will see what happens with him.

Dogwatch- I appreciate your support but I don’t want to jump the gun and assume he will stay around. It’s a very new relationship (just over 2 months), and he basically said “we will see what happens and how it affects us.” Sad because I was falling for him

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