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Primary OB question


ack11

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So what are the odds of both partners having their primary outbreaks at the exact same time? Such as down to the day? From what I've been told so far it's highly unlikely especially considering one of us has been asymptomatic this whole time until now (assuming one of us had it for sure, have had a visual diagnosis with 1 neg blood test for him and still waiting on mine). I just keep going over it in my head and am not really understanding how it could happen this way, I always hear about it happening days later or days apart at the least.

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I've never heard of two people having an OB at the same time- especially primary...but I am new to all of this. What are you thinking besides that it is a coincidence?

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I guess I'm just thinking it's strange that it happened like that since I couldn't find much anything on it and even my doctor thought it was strange. I'm also trying to figure out if has anything to do with timing of who got what when just for my own peace of mind. I already had BF's doctor tell him it was a new infection for him and his DR straight up blamed me for all of it so I'm just trying to learn as much as I can about outbreaks and timing to defend and educate myself.

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Yeah pretty much. The DR told him since his blood work (which they tested him for HSV2 only) was negative it HAD to be new and I must've given it to him. Talk about way to make me feel bad! It's also causing major issues with BF and there's a lot of blame which is really putting a strain on us. I had a blood test done this week with my regular DR instead of the walk in clinic we'd gone to and I don't get results back until Tuesday, but I got tested for HSV1 and HSV2. Very curious to see what results are but before we broke out together I'd never had any symptoms at all and no clue I had a problem.

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I've never heard of two people having an OB at the same time- especially primary...but I am new to all of this. What are you thinking besides that it is a coincidence?

I've read about that same thing happening several times here on this forum. It generally means one of the two unknowingly brought HSV along when they started the relationship, but had not yet had a primary outbreak.

Sorry about the jerky doctor. That should never happen!

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Thanks it's good to know there are other cases like this, I've had a hard time finding any similar so I guess I just need to look around more! I've been trying to explain to BF how that can happen (I unfortunately suspect the unknowing one was me looking back on previous relationships now :( ) so hopefully it'll help knowing that it can and does happen this way.

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No I told him about the site but don't think he's using it, I think it would help way more than the general sites he's read on. Most of the info he's gotten has been either from the DR or from general med websites which I don't think answer all the variables that can play into this. I've been trying to inform him more but unfortunately it backfired, along with the DR blaming me he started to think I've had this and knew it and didn't care to tell him because I seem to "know so much"! What a mess! In reality I didn't know anything until we both found the blisters and I researched it like crazy so I could immediately start trying to cope.

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Of course you "know so much" because you have been educating yourself and seeking support. Two VERY smart things to do. Your bf would indeed benefit from this site. He could gain a lot more understanding of how complicated this all can be. Variables as you've said-yup. Lots of 'em.

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Here's the bottom line, in my opinion. It is about a 50/50 chance on which one of you had herpes first. But unless your BF is lying, whoever had it first did not know.

That is typical. It is estimated that at least 70% of those who have herpes are not aware of it.

There can be no blame for something you didn't know about, which is not to say your BF won't try to put that blame on you.

But don't you accept it! It is not your fault if you had it, because you did not know. Herpes is a sneaky bastard of a virus. This is exactly how most folks get infected, from someone else who doesn't know they have it.

If the BF is recalcitrant about learning the truth, there is nothing you can do about that. If he wants to stay in the dark and play the blame game, that is his problem, not yours. :hmpf:

Good for you for educating yourself.

Knowledge is POWER!!! :rock:

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