Jump to content

Who is responsible?


newbie2010

Recommended Posts

I have had this many years and have been in herpes chat rooms for several of them and I have never heard of any way of truly knowing whom you received it from.

Come to the Chat Room, there you will find many nice Herpsters who can offer you their support.

Good luck!

JB

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The Big Picture...

Newbie,

Maybe you are referring to the antibodies that develop in an HSV+ individual after several weeks to months, and can be evident with blood tests; however, in the grand scheme of life how will this make a difference? My experience has been that the blame game only causes more stress. The answer is probably already in your heart.

Concentrate on getting yourself well and healthy. Come join us in chat. The peeps in there are a great support system, and often very informative.

I hope to chat w/u soon,

1 :wavey:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

As far as I know, there is no way to medically trace who your infector was. Sometimes it is possible to know whether the infection is a new one; if the blood test is negative but the swab test is positive and then, after 3 months or so, the blood test is then positive...that usually means it was a brand new infection, not something that came out of dormancy. Under those circumstances, sometimes the time frame and your personal experiences can identify your infector.

One comment, wastedhousewife: Condoms do not always protect against getting herpes so maybe there was nothing to forgive. Having unprotected sex is often a risky way to behave (like drinking too much alcohol, or smoking, or not washing your hands after using the toilet or overeating), but it would be a stretch to blame yourself for catching hsv, especially since the facts of transmission (that is can be transmitted even with a condom) are not generally known. I can see you are a responsible person but sometimes even responsible people acquire a common medical condition.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Recently diagnosed with HSV-2, can the virus be traced via DNA testing to prove which

HSV-2 sexual partner was responsible for the infection?

There are different strains of the virus, so if your previous HSV + partners have different strains, I think it would be possible to determine which partner infected you. Whether there is a test out there that is commercially available to the general public to accomplish this, I don't know.

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2238078/

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I quite understand if someone wants to blame someone so irresponsible at the early grieving stage, mainly because of various implications in a number of levels. I don't personally think it's wrong to grieve over the lifelong disease with life-long recurrences and perhaps how you "got it" etc.

Unless someone is totally stuck" in the "blaming" stage so long, I don't particularly think it's so damaging. After all, repressed anger can manifest in all kinds of mental health problems.

I remember my local sexual clinic did say, it's a criminal act of someone knowingly passing HSV to someone (in uk) but I'm actually not sure if the police would be responsible and how we can prove the offense.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

After I was diagnosed with HSV-2 a few weeks ago, I wanted SO BADLY to pin it on my ex-boyfriend, who had already devastated me with lies and who had completely broken my heart. Then, because I learned that you can acquire HSV even when using condoms, I spent some time obsessing about the few people I have been with in the past. Did I get it from them? Did they know they had it? I felt like I was going insane, trying to remember if I had had any symptoms and when and where I had them. Of course, I blamed myself, too, and I constantly wished that I could just go back in time and start all over. Then, it gradually began to dawn on me that I am never going to know how I got HSV and from whom, but the simple fact is that I have it and I have to deal with it. I'm still having a really hard time, but I have gotten a lot of support in this site, and I realized that I haven't done anything wrong or anything to "deserve" this virus. Sometimes all I can say is, "it just sucks." Now I know I have it, and I can protect my loved ones in the future...that's the very best that I can do.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Trust me on this one: knowing who your giver is makes no difference! I am 100% certain who my giver is and she didnt know she had it. Bottom line, I still have herpes, its not going to go away, and I just deal with it. I chose to have sex with her, and I am an adult. Its partly my fault for not educating myself.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Why would you be so dead set on finding out who did it? For your own information or to somehow make them feel bad? Are you looking for compensation? Chances are, your partner may not have even know they were infected or a carrier. And if they did, how would you prove it was intentional? Sex is like any other activity...it carries a certain amount of risk regardless of how safe you are, how informed you are and how careful you are.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I was just diagnosed 2 days ago. Honestly, there's no one I can blame but myself. I'm grown and know the risk, but chose to practice unsafe sex. Were ALL responsible for our own actions

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 weeks later...
Who is really responsible? The person who gave it to you without telling or me, for not asking?

Just my opinion, but perhaps both of you. If the person you were with knew he/she had it, he/she should have told you.

If you knew about herpes, you should have asked.

But many, many, many folks (about 70% of those who have herpes) do not know they have it.

And many, many, many folks do not know much of anything about how herpes is spread. Most think there is such a thing as safe sex, but with herpes there is not. So if you didn't know that, how could you have asked?

All things being equal, the responsibility should be shared. But things are rarely equal.

Again, JMO.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.



  • Donate

    If Honeycomb has helped you, please help us by making a donation so we can provide you with even better features and services.

  • The Hive is Thriving!

    • Total Topics
      72.1k
    • Total Posts
      486.4k
  • Posts

    • WilsoInAus
      Hi there @ScubaSteeve and welcome to the website. If you have had genital HSV for 10 years there is a chance the testing did not distinguish type. The answers to the following questions will help a bit: - where are your outbreaks specifically and what frequency? - have you had any IgG antibody testing for HSV?
    • CHT
      Hi LLS.... I'm very sorry you are having so much discomfort from this outbreak.... the first outbreaks are always the most troublesome but  they will get less aggressive as time passes.  I personally find that valacyclovir is much more effective than just acyclovir so you may want to ask your doctor about switching and seeing if that helps.  Ask your doctor on Saturday if you really need to take a higher dose.... and as WilsoInAus suggested, I would ask for a 1,000 mg tablets with at least a 90 day supply to start.  As for pain, you may want to ask your doctor for a Rx of Zovirax ointment.... it contains acyclovir and the ointment form calms the sores down and reduces friction.... it should lessen the pain down there. As for diet, many people, myself included, learn what foods often act as triggers for outbreaks.  I can tell you from experience that the following are big outbreak triggers for me:   1. Too much caffeine (I've basically stopped coffee and have learned to enjoy a variety of decaf teas) 2. Any kind of nuts - including corn and even popcorn 3. Chocolate 4. Too much alcohol - particularly red wines  5. If possible, avoid any kind of steroids/immunosuppressants like prednisone in high doses.... anything that suppresses your immune system will give the virus free rein to run amuck - I learned this the hard way! 6, Stress.... although easier said than done, it will help with your overall health.  Studies show that stress is a common HSV outbreak trigger.... try to find a way to lower your stress levels. 7. lack of sleep.... personally, if I get less than 6  hours of sleep this often leads to an outbreak within a day or two.... work at getting a good 7-8 hours of solid sleep each night (I often use melatonin to help here). Some people find certain vitamins that boost the immune system, like zinc, help with overall healing and can lessen the severity of outbreaks and possibly prevent some outbreaks.  I personally take a number of antiviral/anti-inflammatory/anti-oxidant herbs/vitamins not so much for my HSV2 but for overall health (I don't have the healthiest of diets so, I feel I need to supplement to offset my lousy diet).  A google search of supplements that help with herpes will provide you with a long list of vitamins/herbs that may be of benefit but, try not to get carried away - many/most won't make much, if any, difference.... but, you can always experiment. As WilsoInAus also mentioned, a healthy diet is likely your best option. I should also mention that while some find vitamin C to be helpful, I found it to have the opposite effect.... the more I took the more it seemed to provoke outbreaks.   Things are always the toughest after initial infection.... it's going to get better, trust me.  Stick with the antiviral meds daily, try not to obsess on the fact you've contracted this virus, and try to avoid some of those triggers relating to outbreaks.  With time the number of outbreaks starts to decline and when you do have an outbreak, they will become less virulent. As WilsoInAus mentioned, a lot of your achiness, pain and overall flu-like symptoms are related to the fact your immune system is adjusting to this virus.... these lousy symptoms are just your immune system in action working to do its best to fight this virus... with time these symptoms will also lessen and disappear.   I hope this helps in some way.... please let us know if you have more questions.... and remember, go easy on yourself right now.... turn to those things in your life that calm you and also distract you from obsessing over the virus situation.  You are going to be just fine.... just give yourself some time to get past this initial unpleasant phase.... it will get better, I promise.    
    • Justme88
      Thanks.
    • ScubaSteeve
      I was diagnosed with HPV2 ten years ago, which I contracted from an ex-girlfriend who was unaware she had it. Since then, I've lived a reserved life, not really opening up to others. There was only one person I felt interested in enough to share this with, but it didn't work out. There have been a few instances where I've let my guard down, had a night out, and ended up sleeping with someone. I know I should feel guilty about not discussing it beforehand, but I found it challenging because they know my family, and it felt overwhelming at the time, and I had alot of pent up desires from not ever being with someone for a long time.  After finally opening up to someone and realizing it wasn't the end of the world, I now understand that finding the right partner might be a matter of numbers. I desire to have more intimate relationships but need to find better ways to approach this topic and ensure I never spread it.  Thank you all for providing a space where I can be myself.
    • i82much2young
      My swab results won’t be ready for another 5 days. Is there any harm is continuing the Valacyclovir? I was prescribed 1gm tablets for 10 days.
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue.