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I have had this many years and have been in herpes chat rooms for several of them and I have never heard of any way of truly knowing whom you received it from.

Come to the Chat Room, there you will find many nice Herpsters who can offer you their support.

Good luck!


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The Big Picture...


Maybe you are referring to the antibodies that develop in an HSV+ individual after several weeks to months, and can be evident with blood tests; however, in the grand scheme of life how will this make a difference? My experience has been that the blame game only causes more stress. The answer is probably already in your heart.

Concentrate on getting yourself well and healthy. Come join us in chat. The peeps in there are a great support system, and often very informative.

I hope to chat w/u soon,

1 :wavey:

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As far as I know, there is no way to medically trace who your infector was. Sometimes it is possible to know whether the infection is a new one; if the blood test is negative but the swab test is positive and then, after 3 months or so, the blood test is then positive...that usually means it was a brand new infection, not something that came out of dormancy. Under those circumstances, sometimes the time frame and your personal experiences can identify your infector.

One comment, wastedhousewife: Condoms do not always protect against getting herpes so maybe there was nothing to forgive. Having unprotected sex is often a risky way to behave (like drinking too much alcohol, or smoking, or not washing your hands after using the toilet or overeating), but it would be a stretch to blame yourself for catching hsv, especially since the facts of transmission (that is can be transmitted even with a condom) are not generally known. I can see you are a responsible person but sometimes even responsible people acquire a common medical condition.

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Recently diagnosed with HSV-2, can the virus be traced via DNA testing to prove which

HSV-2 sexual partner was responsible for the infection?

There are different strains of the virus, so if your previous HSV + partners have different strains, I think it would be possible to determine which partner infected you. Whether there is a test out there that is commercially available to the general public to accomplish this, I don't know.


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I quite understand if someone wants to blame someone so irresponsible at the early grieving stage, mainly because of various implications in a number of levels. I don't personally think it's wrong to grieve over the lifelong disease with life-long recurrences and perhaps how you "got it" etc.

Unless someone is totally stuck" in the "blaming" stage so long, I don't particularly think it's so damaging. After all, repressed anger can manifest in all kinds of mental health problems.

I remember my local sexual clinic did say, it's a criminal act of someone knowingly passing HSV to someone (in uk) but I'm actually not sure if the police would be responsible and how we can prove the offense.

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After I was diagnosed with HSV-2 a few weeks ago, I wanted SO BADLY to pin it on my ex-boyfriend, who had already devastated me with lies and who had completely broken my heart. Then, because I learned that you can acquire HSV even when using condoms, I spent some time obsessing about the few people I have been with in the past. Did I get it from them? Did they know they had it? I felt like I was going insane, trying to remember if I had had any symptoms and when and where I had them. Of course, I blamed myself, too, and I constantly wished that I could just go back in time and start all over. Then, it gradually began to dawn on me that I am never going to know how I got HSV and from whom, but the simple fact is that I have it and I have to deal with it. I'm still having a really hard time, but I have gotten a lot of support in this site, and I realized that I haven't done anything wrong or anything to "deserve" this virus. Sometimes all I can say is, "it just sucks." Now I know I have it, and I can protect my loved ones in the future...that's the very best that I can do.

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Trust me on this one: knowing who your giver is makes no difference! I am 100% certain who my giver is and she didnt know she had it. Bottom line, I still have herpes, its not going to go away, and I just deal with it. I chose to have sex with her, and I am an adult. Its partly my fault for not educating myself.

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Why would you be so dead set on finding out who did it? For your own information or to somehow make them feel bad? Are you looking for compensation? Chances are, your partner may not have even know they were infected or a carrier. And if they did, how would you prove it was intentional? Sex is like any other activity...it carries a certain amount of risk regardless of how safe you are, how informed you are and how careful you are.

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I was just diagnosed 2 days ago. Honestly, there's no one I can blame but myself. I'm grown and know the risk, but chose to practice unsafe sex. Were ALL responsible for our own actions

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  • 2 weeks later...
Who is really responsible? The person who gave it to you without telling or me, for not asking?

Just my opinion, but perhaps both of you. If the person you were with knew he/she had it, he/she should have told you.

If you knew about herpes, you should have asked.

But many, many, many folks (about 70% of those who have herpes) do not know they have it.

And many, many, many folks do not know much of anything about how herpes is spread. Most think there is such a thing as safe sex, but with herpes there is not. So if you didn't know that, how could you have asked?

All things being equal, the responsibility should be shared. But things are rarely equal.

Again, JMO.

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