Hello

[purple668]

I was diagnosed April 2009, and since have just cut my self off. All that I have read says you can transfere it no matter what. I was dating someone who knew he was with someone who had genital herpes. We used a condom and I got genital herpes in my mouth and throat. When I finally figured out what I had, I immediately called him to let him know and he wasn't surprised and said his last gf called after they broke up to tell him she had it and he never bothered to tell me or get tested. When he got tested it only showed he had HSV 1, but my doctor said most people are carriers and at the time we were dating I was working full time nights, going to school during the day and raising my teen daugther alone, so I was run down and had had a cold and then I got really sick for a half a month before testing found out I have HSV 2 in the mouth. So now I can't share a drink or any food with my daughter, which was hard for me to deal with, all cuz he couldn't tell me he was exposed.

I just don't get it. The more I read the more confusing it is. Most of it is about having Herpes below the waist, which I do not. I just want some straight answers on how likely I am to spread it to my daughter if she drinks or eats from a cup or utensil I have used?

I have never had another outbreak like I did when I first got sick, but I have noticed I get alot of yeast infections and I have never had an outbreak down there at all? Is that part of having herpes? I don't understand the shedding? How do you know you are? Ever since I got sick, I dropped the loser bf and have never gotten involved again-I don't want to ever take the chance of infecting anyone else, besides how do you tell someone your a leaper...I try to place myself in the other persons shoes and I know had someone told me they had it I would of choose not to be involved for fear of spreading it to my daughter and ruining her life, which for me is still a real risk still. I have read stuff on this site but it doesn't answer any or my questions? I have a few friends who know my situation and they all encourage me to still date, but I think it is wrong to chance anyones health who doesn't have it. They suggest I find someone who already has it, but, what happens if two people who have HSV 2 do get together, doesn't that set off their out breaks? I can't see where anything but abstaining is the answer and everything I read doesn't clearly answer my questions and the doctors don't know either, only that you have it and your a leaper and stay away from me and anyone else.

[RealisticGal]

I was diagnosed April 2009, and since have just cut my self off. All that I have read says you can transfere it no matter what. I was dating someone who knew he was with someone who had genital herpes. We used a condom and I got genital herpes in my mouth and throat. When I finally figured out what I had, I immediately called him to let him know and he wasn't surprised and said his last gf called after they broke up to tell him she had it and he never bothered to tell me or get tested. When he got tested it only showed he had HSV 1, but my doctor said most people are carriers and at the time we were dating I was working full time nights, going to school during the day and raising my teen daugther alone, so I was run down and had had a cold and then I got really sick for a half a month before testing found out I have HSV 2 in the mouth. (

Hi hon!

If you have herpes in your mouth and throat, it is not genital herpes. It is oral herpes. Genital herpes is in the genital area.

Did you give him oral sex with a condom?

Has this guy ever retested to find out if he has HSV2? Because if all he has is HSV1, he can't be the one who gave you HSV2.

Are you sure your oral infection is HSV2?

It is possible you are simply confusing the terminology about strains (HSV1 or HSV2) and locations (oral or genital).

Both HSV1 and HSV2 can cause infections in either location. HSV1 is not always oral, it just prefers to be. HSV2 is not always genital, it just prefers to be.

[RealisticGal]

I just don't get it. The more I read the more confusing it is. Most of it is about having Herpes below the waist, which I do not. I just want some straight answers on how likely I am to spread it to my daughter if she drinks or eats from a cup or utensil I have used?

I'm sorry you are feeling so confused. Yeah, there is a lot of contradictory or vague info out there.

It isn't real likely to spread herpes by way of inanimate objects, but it is not out of the question, especially with young children. The thing is, they may well get oral herpes from someone anyway. About 80% of the North American population has oral herpes by the time they reach adulthood, usually by way of casual (non-sexual) contact such as a kiss on the cheek from their old auntie or sharing a saliva-covered toy with another child. So just don't share utensils with your kids if you are that worried, but accept the fact that they could easily get herpes from someone else anyway. And it will not ruin their lives. If that were the case, 80% of those in this country (and more in some other countries) would be in constant despair because of their hopeless lives. The good news is, herpes really does not make you a leper. It need not have that sort of effect on your life unless you allow it to do so. The stigma is the worst part for most folks, but it is entirely manufactured in the past few decades, and false. Herpes has been around for thousands of years, but only in recent history has it been regarded with this stupid stigma.

More to come...

[purple668]

I had to go to a specialist and they took a biopsy from my throat and said it was HSV 2 he was the only man I had been with for close to a year. We had sex with a condum and yea oral without. he said, could have lied but he said he was tested for everything and he only had HSV1. NO the doctor said I had HSV 2 in my throat. Everything I have read says you can spread it, and you never know when you are shedding, what ever that is suppose to mean and that you can spread it. Mainly they talk about the cold sore or the gentials never about having HSV 2 in your mouth and throat and what can come of that and from what I got was you can get throat cancer from this too. I don't understand if there is so much research why they don't have more concret facts?

[purple668]

Another thing is I was diagnoses but never put on meds? I thought you had to be on meds? I never had another out break like that, I was sick for all of april and lost 20lbs in 2 weeks till they finally figured out what I had and gave me short term meds to heal my throat, once done my dr never said i needed to go back on or do anything and for the most part my dr has been no help, even my gyn has been no help. I don't know where to go for answers, most sites are discouraging and not helpful at all. I went to the CDC and found the link to this site which has more info but still all I am reading is still confusing, not giving me the specifics for my situation? Its pretty frustrating. My daughter is 13-14 next month and it sucked to have to tell her we can't share a drink or food, I make sure we don't use the same stuff and she knows how sick I was minus not knowing what the actual reason was but she is affraid to get that sick so we share nothing. How do you deal with it?

[RealisticGal]

I have never had another outbreak like I did when I first got sick, but I have noticed I get alot of yeast infections and I have never had an outbreak down there at all? Is that part of having herpes?

That's pretty typical. Most folks experience their worst outbreak the first time and it gets less severe with time. Some folks never even have a second outbreak.

Some women do seem to be more prone to yeast or bacterial infections with herpes. However, unless you have a genital infection (I'm under the impression you don't), that doesn't come into play.

I don't understand the shedding? How do you know you are?

Well, that is the problem with asymptomatic viral shedding. Because (by definition) it happens when you are not having symptoms, you have no way to know.

However, there is also something called prodrome. Do you ever get symptoms like tingling, itching, etc. just before an outbreak? If so, that would be a time you could probably expect that you are shedding and should avoid intimate contact.

Ever since I got sick, I dropped the loser bf and have never gotten involved again-I don't want to ever take the chance of infecting anyone else, besides how do you tell someone your a leaper...I try to place myself in the other persons shoes and I know had someone told me they had it I would of choose not to be involved

There are ways to disclose that you have herpes. The best way is to not make it more than it is. It does not make you a leper. It does not make you dirty or disgusting, but some folks take that on themselves because of the stupid social stigma.

Herpes is just a virus, and about 80% of adults in North America have it.

for fear of spreading it to my daughter and ruining her life, which for me is still a real risk still.

Hopefully I answered some of your questions about that in a previous post here.

I have read stuff on this site but it doesn't answer any or my questions? I have a few friends who know my situation and they all encourage me to still date,

Bravo to your friends!!! I agree with them. There is no reason to stop living your life, iin all ways, just because of a stupid little virus.

but I think it is wrong to chance anyones health who doesn't have it.

Medically, HSV is not a big deal for most folks. That is why doctors generally don't make a big deal about it.

More to the point, you can tell anyone with whom you are getting close to intimacy about this. Then you give them a choice to make an informed decision about it.

Just to let you know, my guy has herpes. He told me when we were getting close to intimacy. I learned about it and made my decision. As far as I am concerned, herpes is nothing compared to the chance of love with a good man (which he is).

They suggest I find someone who already has it, but, what happens if two people who have HSV 2 do get together, doesn't that set off their out breaks?

Sex can be a trigger for outbreaks in some folks, but it doesn't matter whether or not their partner has herpes. It is more about the friction involved, apparently. One way to deal with that is plenty of lubrication!

I can't see where anything but abstaining is the answer and everything I read doesn't clearly answer my questions and the doctors don't know either, only that you have it and your a leaper and stay away from me and anyone else.

I'm really sorry if your doctors have treated you like a leper. That's pretty stupid on their part. And yes, it is true that many doctors are less than informed about herpes, too.

Fortunately, you have found a good resource here. Read the links on the right. Ask questions in the forums. Visit the chat room if that is your thing. Learn that there are measures you can take to lessen the chances of spreading herpes.

Education is power. Hopefully with a bit of it, you will learn that you don't need to be a pariah. There are many folks here living full and normal lives full of dating, love, relationships, sex, children and the whole shebang.

Don't let herpes define you.

[RealisticGal]

I had to go to a specialist and they took a biopsy from my throat and said it was HSV 2 he was the only man I had been with for close to a year. We had sex with a condum and yea oral without. he said, could have lied but he said he was tested for everything and he only had HSV1. NO the doctor said I had HSV 2 in my throat. Everything I have read says you can spread it, and you never know when you are shedding, what ever that is suppose to mean and that you can spread it. Mainly they talk about the cold sore or the gentials never about having HSV 2 in your mouth and throat and what can come of that and from what I got was you can get throat cancer from this too. I don't understand if there is so much research why they don't have more concret facts?

HPV (human papilloma virus) can cause cancers. Herpes simplex virus does not cause cancer, though it is being researched as a co-factor along with HPV. But if you don't have HPV in your throat, that is not a concern.

I guess you are no longer really in touch with that guy, but if he does not have HSV2, there is no way you got it from him, even though he is your most recent partner. You could have gotten it from a previous partner.

I know there are others here who have had herpes in their throat. You can probably find some of their posts if you use the search bar at the top.

There are many who have it in their mouths --- that is what oral herpes is, and 80% of North Americans have that.

[RealisticGal]

Another thing is I was diagnoses but never put on meds? I thought you had to be on meds? I never had another out break like that, I was sick for all of april and lost 20lbs in 2 weeks till they finally figured out what I had and gave me short term meds to heal my throat, once done my dr never said i needed to go back on or do anything and for the most part my dr has been no help, even my gyn has been no help.

Nobody has to be on meds. It is always a choice. Antiviral medications can help manage herpes but they are not a cure.

Docs have different approaches. Some think that unless a person has frequent outbreaks that cause a lot of pain, there is no reason to use antivirals. Some believe it is a good idea to let a person's own immune system deal with the virus if possible.

There are two types of therapy regimen:

• Intermittent therapy is used just when a person feels the onset of an outbreak, to help shorten that outbreak.
  
• Suppressive (daily) therapy is used to keep outbreaks and shedding from happening. It is a good idea for those who are partnered with someone who does not have herpes, or who gets frequent outbreaks without it.
  

And many are horribly sensational, with terrible worst-case-scenario photos. Ah, well...that's the internet for you.

I'm glad you found this place. Ask questions. Do searches of the forum posts. Chances are you can find what you want to know about here. It may not be done in 10 minutes, but try to be patient and persistent.

It is your choice if you want to take all those precautions to protect your daughter. Just know that she might still get oral herpes through casual contact with others, as so many folks do.

However, so you know --- my mom has oral herpes and has since she was a child. I never knew that until recently because she has not had a sore in decades. Her sister still gets sores and I have always known about that. We are an affectionate family with lots of hugging, kissing, sharing meals, etc. And yet, I do not have herpes. Go figure.

Perhaps when your daughter is a bit older you might want to educate her about herpes, after you yourself have it figured out a bit more.