Engaged 2 weeks ago, Diagnosed 2 days ago... WTF

[sweetCATASTROPHE]

I can't beileve this is happening to me... And the timing is unbelievable. My fiancé and I were just engaged about two weeks ago and I couldnt be any happier about that. I've truly found the one and the past week has absolutely tested our strength. Last Monday I started to feel a sore stop just abovey anus. I thought for a day or so that I could maybe have a hemorrhoid. Then it speed more into a rash of bumps around the area. I thought then that the wonderful after engagement love making session could have cause me to get an anal yeast infection. Last Thursday I finally went in to see my gyno as I was in the worst pain of my life... I could barely sit anymore. I never in my life thought it could be herpes.... Tests came back yesterday morning and boy was I wrong! I immediatly told my new fiance after I came home from the Drs office on Thursday. Knowing that we have both been faithful to one another I can't imagin how long either one of us have had this and had no symptoms or signs. I'm in so much pain it's unbelievable. Thankfully my dr wrote me a script of painkillers and actclovir last Thursday that I've been taking. It doesn't seem to be going away at all though! How much longer will this last? When can I make love to my fiance again? I haven't had any ob around my viginia at all, does that mean I may not be infected there? Could it spread there later or will my outbreaks just be around my anus? Please someone help! Sorry for rambling! I really needed to vent this one out!

[AnaBella]

Hi...your rambling is totally justified. I know that this is a shock for you. It is to the majority of us. I didn't even have a bump, sore, or anything like that. I thought it was a yeast infection and that's what I called the dr for until the medicine he prescribed wasn't working. So, when I finally went they did a blood test which came back positive for hsv2. I had to come home and tell my husband this. That was the worst drive home EVER. All kinds of thoughts ran through my head. He was tested a week later and he also has it. It took me a yr to actually start to cope. I went from crying everyday, to once a week, to maybe once a month, to now I can't remember the last time a shed a tear over this. Has your fiance gotten tested? Your first ob takes a little time...and being that you're just starting meds it takes a little time...but everyone is different. You will be able to have a normal sex life...just make sure that you don't have sex during an ob so that you heal properly. This site is wonderful and full of very helpful info. I haven't been a member long but I've learned so much from this site that it's crazy. Take a breath and everything is going to be ok:flowers:

[d00m kitty]

I can't beileve this is happening to me... And the timing is unbelievable. My fiancé and I were just engaged about two weeks ago and I couldnt be any happier about that. I've truly found the one and the past week has absolutely tested our strength. Last Monday I started to feel a sore stop just abovey anus. I thought for a day or so that I could maybe have a hemorrhoid. Then it speed more into a rash of bumps around the area. I thought then that the wonderful after engagement love making session could have cause me to get an anal yeast infection. Last Thursday I finally went in to see my gyno as I was in the worst pain of my life... I could barely sit anymore. I never in my life thought it could be herpes.... Tests came back yesterday morning and boy was I wrong! I immediatly told my new fiance after I came home from the Drs office on Thursday. Knowing that we have both been faithful to one another I can't imagin how long either one of us have had this and had no symptoms or signs. I'm in so much pain it's unbelievable. Thankfully my dr wrote me a script of painkillers and actclovir last Thursday that I've been taking. It doesn't seem to be going away at all though! How much longer will this last? When can I make love to my fiance again? I haven't had any ob around my viginia at all, does that mean I may not be infected there? Could it spread there later or will my outbreaks just be around my anus? Please someone help! Sorry for rambling! I really needed to vent this one out!

Welcome & hugs sweetCATASTROPHE

Your 1st OB sounds like mine.......my 2nd hasn't been anywhere near as painful. It's good you're on anti-virals, they will certainly help.

Since you have genital herpes it does mean that even your vagina also has it. In fact, the genital area is any area in the 'boxer short' area, so that would also include tummy, thighs, back, bum cheeks etc.

Your fiance definitely needs to be tested!!!

Did you have a swab as well as blood tests done? And did they tell you what strain you have? HSV1 or HSV2. HSV1 usually goes hand in hand with oral cold sores, but someone with oral cold sores can give you genital HSV1 [via oral sex]. HSV2 usually goes hand in hand with genital herpes.

If you & your fiance are both positive to the same strain, you're going to be pretty much ok. Location of herpes could still be an issue though? If for instance your fiance has OHSV1 [oral HSV1] and you have genital HSV1.

Herpes can lay dormant for a very very long time. It's not routinely tested for in a standard STD test. Either one of you may have had this for quite some time without knowing. Some people don't have symptoms.

Big hugs. How is your fiance coping with the news? I hope you'll be able to work through this together.

xx

[sweetCATASTROPHE]

Thank you both for your support! It's good to know that this may not spread to another area. I'm hoping the meds will start helping soon as I'm terribly uncomfortable. Unfortunatly my dr seemed very short with me about answering questions and I'm uncertain as to which one I have (HSV1 or HSV2). I asked my dr if my finace needed to be tested and he seemed to think it wasn't a big deal until he showed any symptoms. I think I need to find myself a better dr. I can't imagine that my fiance isn't infected since we have made love for quite some time completely unprotected. I was just tested for std's last spring.... Why in the world is this something

They don't test for?!? I'm so infuriated to hear that! This is something I'll have to live with for the rest of my life and they don't take the time to test and educate people about it? That just beyond me! My fiance seems to be holding up ok, were both obviously very shocked and sad. His main concern was that it wouldn't cause us any other serious health issues down the road. I'm fortunate to have him to speak with about this so openly. I couldn't ask for anyone better to spend the rest of my life with. We plan on making an appointment with family planning to speak with someone together about this and to most likely get him tested. If he doesn't have it by now or if he himself didn't give it to me i would be incredibly surprised.... I guess we will find out soon. Thank you again for the support. I'm happy to find a community of people that speak so openly about such a taboo subject.

[d00m kitty]

Thank you both for your support! It's good to know that this may not spread to another area. I'm hoping the meds will start helping soon as I'm terribly uncomfortable. Unfortunatly my dr seemed very short with me about answering questions and I'm uncertain as to which one I have (HSV1 or HSV2). I asked my dr if my finace needed to be tested and he seemed to think it wasn't a big deal until he showed any symptoms. I think I need to find myself a better dr. I can't imagine that my fiance isn't infected since we have made love for quite some time completely unprotected. I was just tested for std's last spring.... Why in the world is this something

They don't test for?!? I'm so infuriated to hear that! This is something I'll have to live with for the rest of my life and they don't take the time to test and educate people about it? That just beyond me! My fiance seems to be holding up ok, were both obviously very shocked and sad. His main concern was that it wouldn't cause us any other serious health issues down the road. I'm fortunate to have him to speak with about this so openly. I couldn't ask for anyone better to spend the rest of my life with. We plan on making an appointment with family planning to speak with someone together about this and to most likely get him tested. If he doesn't have it by now or if he himself didn't give it to me i would be incredibly surprised.... I guess we will find out soon. Thank you again for the support. I'm happy to find a community of people that speak so openly about such a taboo subject.

Yep another doctor does sound the way to go!!

I was mad as hell too when I realised HSV isn't tested with standard routine STD tests!!! Still makes me mad as hell!!

Yes shock is a fairly normal/typical reaction. And yeah, it is sad too. Sounds like you two will be ok though.

This forum saved my sanity & still does!! I'll probably still be here 10 years from now!! lol

You'll be ok, just remember that xxx

[sweetCATASTROPHE]

Yes I'm positive we will be ok... Were both educating ourselves as much as possible. If anything this sweet catastrophe had only made us grow together. I can see how this could rip couples apart though too. Do you know if it is safe to give him oral sex while I'm having an ob? I've been afraid to even look at him the wrong way let alone touch him since this all started.

[d00m kitty]

Yes I think that's the way it works, either it makes you stronger as a couple or yes it's 'the end'.

If you have a genital OB it should be safe to give your fiance oral sex [it's just you don't know his HSV status? but I'm assuming that's not really an issue for you two anyhow?].

[wastedhousewife]

Hang in there - the antivirals really do work, and the first outbreak will be your worst. I have had about 10 since my first in June, and none of them have been even close to that pain!

I'm so happy for you that your fiance is supporting you. When I found out I had contracted HSV, I had been with my current boyfriend for about 3 months. It was a shock, and he later found out that his ex had it and neither of them knew. Having herpes is not fun, but we are still together, and after getting through that challenge, there is not much that we worry about. At least now you know that you and your fiance can solve problems and make it through tough times together.

I hope that you start feeling better soon, and that you two still enjoy your first Christmas as an engaged couple!

[sweetCATASTROPHE]

When I talked to the nurse today to find out if I had type 1 or type 2 she was unable to tell me. I'm assuming that due to location I have type 2. They never gave me a blood test only a swab test. I'm surprised they couldn't tell me by that. She said it's possible that he may not have it... How could he not have it after we have been having unprotected sex for such a long time? She also told me that a blood test would only tell us if he's been exposed, not if he's actually got herpes. I'm so confused. Is there a test to tell if he does and what kind?

I suppose it doesn't really matter given that we don't plan on using condoms long term. I'm sure he has to have it by now anyways.

[gotitsowhat]

Either a swab test or a blood test can tell you what type it is if it's a type specific test. Apparently yours wasn't. And the nurse is wrong; when they say "you have been exposed to hsv" they mean you have herpes. Then, if you have an outbreak, you could be said to actually "have" it. Many people have it but never have an outbreak or they have only one and never have another one. And it is very common for doctors to be ignorant about this. Often, STD clinics will give you a better test and more information but call first to make sure they will give you and your fiance a type specific blood test. I have discovered that STD clinics that deal with the male gay community are best for herpes tests and diagnosis and you do not have to be a male or gay to go there, at least here in LA. Check it out. You should know what type it is and if you both have it.

[sweetCATASTROPHE]

Thank you all again for your support and answers! We will enjoy our first Christmas engaged. I got him an iPhone, he's going to be thrilled lol. As far as the STD clinic I will try and make an appointment so that we can go together. I think I would feel better if we knew the details. I know he has so many questions too.... Is it possible that after having unprotected sex for this long that he doesn't have it? I would love to know what triggered this OB. From reading this site I've heard there are certain foods to stay away from? Does anyone know of a list or website that will tell me things to avoid another OB? Any information is much appreciated... Obviously my dr isn't much help and the nurse just looked at me with pitty, you know "that poor sick girl" look. How obnoxious!