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Really Struggling


starlet

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I'm 19 years old and was diagnosed with HSV-2 just before my 19th birthday. At first i accepted it and didnt think much of it as the medication helped me really well. I continued my life and was happy.

However about a month ago... it has constantly started to play on my mind all the time. Everyday I wake up and its on my mind... i have butterflies in my belly 24/7.. which i know is causing my body stress and has lead to two more outbreaks practically one after the other.

I feel ashamed for having herpes and am really struggling to come to terms with the fact that i have it. I know feel my life is over and feel the need to turn to things i know i shouldnt. I have told knowone i have herpes apart from my Doctors. I worry that people will not accept me ... as i have a very wide circle of friends and am quite known. i worry my social life will crumble. i have only been with 3 people and i look at envy for people i know have been with more and do not have herpes.

i feel its a punishment for some reason and i dont know what. this time last year i was raped by my ex boyfriend. Know-one knows this... non of my family or my friends.. i did not contract herpes from him.. but from a partner after him. these things are constantly eating me up inside and i do not know what to do. i want it off my mind so i can be happy and enjoy my life once again.

please help someone.

please.

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Hey Starlet, I am so sorry. I don't know what encouraging words I can say except that I feel the same way. It sucks that we got this so young and yes it feels like it will ruin the rest of our lives. This sounds weird, but if you think that it will mess up your social life, don't tell people you don't trust 150%. The ONLY person I have told besides my doctor and the person who gave it to me is my mom and she has been an amazing source of support. As much as I love them, I really don't trust my friends not to gossip or judge. As for when I see them, I put on a "happy" front and soon realize that pretending I'm happy at least makes the night more bearable and I'm able to have a little fun at least. Good luck!!

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Starlet,

is it possible for you to get some counseling for this? You have been through a fair bit over the past year. Rape and herpes would stagger the strongest of people. If there is any way for you to get some help with this, I would strongly recommend it. There is light at the end of the tunnel, you just need to some help to get there.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Thankyou both for replying to my post.

i thought about counselling but am not sure its possible for me to discuss things with people.

I find it hard to talk about my emotions or whats happend to me.

thats why this is helping me so much as its annoymous so i can talk and knowone needs to know its me

i appreciate both of your responds. Thankyou

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This is your personal, private medical information. There is no reason you should feel any pressure to tell anyone about it, other than your doctors and any potential intimate partners (and them only as you are clearly headed towards intimacy). Just know that it is okay not to run around announcing this.

As far as the counseling idea, it's a good one. But I know how you feel about not being able to discuss things with anyone. I felt the same way, plus I was very skeptical about the whole counseling thing for many years. However, I did finally decide I needed to try it a couple of years ago, and it actually went very well and helped me a lot. :listen:

Hang in there, and here's a little article for you to read. It might help you see you are not alone at all:

I Was Ashamed of My Herpes Until I Found Out...

:wavey:

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Hi starlet!! Your situation sounds a LOT like mine. I have HSV-2 and was diagnosed just after my 19th birthday, around a year and a half ago. I had only ever been with two guys, one that I had dated all throughout high school and another that I dated when I left for college. Then when I returned home after my first year at school, the guy I dated in high school asked to hang out and we ended up sleeping together and didn't use protection... and he passed HSV2 on to me.

At first, I didn't want to tell anybody. You have no obligation to tell anybody (besides sexual partners, which I feel is a moral obligation we have) who does not need to know that you have herpes!! That's a personal thing that you definitely do not need to tell all of your friends if you do not feel comfortable doing so. Since my diagnosis, I have had to tell one guy who I was seriously dating, and even though telling him was one of the hardest things I've had to do, it really matured me. I just made sure that I was knowledgeable enough to answer his questions, and if I didn't know the answer to a question, I would look it up WITH him so that we both would know. I have not had a problem since my first outbreak, I've been VERY lucky, but it really didn't effect our relationship besides the fact that we always, ALWAYS made sure that we used protection, and I take daily suppressant medication (Valtrex, specifically).

I have told my mom and a few of my close friends- the first was my best friend, and it was because since I go to school six hours away from home, I wanted somebody to know just in case something ever happened to me and she needed to know any medical history I had. If you do decide to tell your friends, they should understand. It is NOT your fault that this was passed to you, and you are most certainly not being punished for anything. Herpes is a common viral infection! Many people you know probably have it and aren't even aware of it. If you need support or help telling your family or friends, let me know and I'd be happy to help out different ways to approach the subject.

Don't let herpes take over your life :) it's easily manageable, and as long as you live a healthy lifestyle you'll be perfectly fine! It's just a nuisance once in a while (I started taking Valtrex daily about a month after my first outbreak and haven't had one since!). I'm new to this site, but if you ever need anything or just need to chat feel free to ask :) Stay strong and keep smiling gorgeous!!

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  • 3 weeks later...

Hi Starlet, I am so sorry to hear of what you are going through. I promise you, your life is far from over - you can get through this. I too got H when I was 19 from my first boyfriend and I remember how painful and difficult it was to cope with. I have never told any of my friends or family as I just did not want to take that risk. I have always told my sexual partners but have waited until I am sure that they like me for who i am and I can honestly say that no-one has been put off once I explained it to them. I now have a lovely man and 2 gorgeous children so I am proof that you can have a fantastic life even with this painful little virus! I suffered OB'S every 6 weeks or so for 25 years and finally plucked up the courage to go to a GU clinic last year where they put me on suppression therapy with Acyclovir - I have never felt better and have not had any ob's since! Just remember that some of those people you envy will also have H but are keeping it quiet - you are not alone. I really hope you find the strength to talk to someone about being raped as that must be really hard to deal with, you will find a way I'm sure. Please take care and be kind to yourself x

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  • 1 month later...

Thankyou so much for your support. Fairy dust, mpls and realistic. it's been so helpfull to read your support and listen to your stories.

I am coping better at the moment. Hadn't had an OB in 2 months but now currently have one which is a major bummer :(.

but it should be gone soon i hope.

I really appreciate your comments and concern. I am in such a better frame of mind then i was when i first wrote this. I was in a dark place then and feeling down. HSV 2 was all i thought about. now i just think im still normal and i look at people like i bet you have it too ahha.

Hope your all well

thank you so much again

starlet

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Starlet,

I am glad you are in a better place. HSV effects my mind also on a daily basis. It is difficult but possible to live with it and be happy. Stress is not our friend and will drag us down very badly. Keep your head up because you are not on an island. more people have the virus than you think. if you stand about ten adults in a room about 5 of them would probably have HSV. not that i reccommend this for you but when i began to tell people that i trusted i began to find out that they are living with the same thing that i am. i admire your courage to even communicate on this level. just remember, you are normal and will live a normal life but we all have to learn to manage our bodies and outbreaks so that we can be comfortable in our own skin. have a blessed day!!!!!

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Hi, i go by the name backtolife, i chose that name because it is hard for me to get backtolife. Our stories are alike in many ways.I struggle with the phisical pain of herpes. The perscribed meds are not helping with the pain and the outbreaks are frequint than i care to count.It affects me in the work world and it is mentally stressful, Dont Know what to do. HELP ME SOMEONE.

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Backtolife, i feel you but dont lose hope. Make yourself healthy and strong so your immune system will suppress this virus & you wont get alot of OBs. I take Lysine, Olive leaf, multivits, and i drink water with lemon. These all work for me but of course it might not for other people but i guarantee you it will get better. God will one day help us with a cure via these wonderful scientists. I really believe that. Cheer up!

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Have u tried other medications and also vitamins to boost ur immune system like vitamin c echinacea vitamin b stress they seem to really help me alot also olive leaf extract to help reduce viral shedding getting plenty of sleep and eating well

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    • sgt98
      Hey @WilsoInAus ok thank you, I will do my best to move on and stop trawling forums haha. 
    • WilsoInAus
      Hey @sgt98 but there is no feasible infection or outbreak to suppress and antivirals do not suppress an initial outbreak in any event 
    • sgt98
      Thanks @WilsoInAus I understand apologies for this but the only other thing I am worried about is that I did take a course of Famvir on day 1 as I felt like I was having an outbreak of cold sores and am worried that has suppressed the initial outbreak genitally 
    • WilsoInAus
      Hi @sgt98 it is not feasible to obtain a HSV-2 infection from receiving oral sex - only HSV-1 is feasible but you've already got that and immunity from any further infection with HSV-1. You do not need any further tests for HSV. You're feeling regret, try to forgive yourself and calm down, let the rational take over. You know the answer here and it won't be long until you believe it too.
    • WilsoInAus
      Hi @NerdP423 and welcome to the website. You raise a lot of points and I think the best way to address your concerns is add some comments at each key point. I've copied your note again below and added these comments in square brackets. I appreciate any insight (even speculation) as to what has been going on with me. I'm a 37y/o M. I last was intimate with a new partner on 2/11/2022, and a few days later started having a huge amount of discomfort in my face. [The first thing that happens though is that herpes causes lesions or at least some skin based disruption. Other symptoms are then related to the actions of the immune system responding to the virus. Without lesions, it is highly questionable that the ailment is related to herpes, yet testing is useful if you have concerns as you have done so.] About a month after that [herpes causes issues within days, if the first 'symptoms' are a month later - its extremely unlikely they are related to herpes], significant discomfort downstairs, however every test I have ever taken for HSV 1 and 2 has been negative. Here are the details: Face: Previously, some significant tingling and itching on the right side of my mouth, lips and chin (still there, but milder) [herpes does not cause general tingling and itching, it can cause a reasonably concentrated feeling of itch/throb from which a herpes lesion appears within hours]. Occasional hot flashes near my right eye, cheek and ear [herpes does not do this, it may be a immune response to something, or stress]. Sometimes it will feel like the skin is crawling on the right side of my face [herpes does not cause a general crawling sensation]. Never seen anything that looked like a traditional cold sore [that's extremely telling, even people with associated atypical symptoms will have experienced herpes lesions]. Occasionally, the left side of my face will have a momentary feeling of skin crawling, but it's so mild that I am not really worried about it. Downstairs: Thankfully, most of these are now milder than they were before. Occasional momentary pinch of pain at the base of my genitals. [herpes does not cause a general pinch feeling.] Aching pain in my boxer area (groin, leg folds) [nor this] Occasional feeling of cold in my boxer area, butt, or lower back. ( also in my shins and occasionally even my arms) [nor this] On 4/30/2022, I had been in discomfort for almost two months. I scratched an itch, noticed it hurt, and then checked - I did have an open ulcer down there. Took myself to the ER to get swabbed, came back negative. [If this was a PCR then this will be very conclusive.] Practitioner said it may come back negative because it was already open. However the lab report noted that it definitely didn't look like what you'd expect a typical first herpes outbreak to look like [how would the lab know??]. All blood tests negative so far. I had two western blots, the second one was nine months after exposure. [Two negative Westernblots!!! Many that's real convincing]. All other swabs also negative. I went to urgent care, because I know the timeliness of when the Swab is taken matters. One time, a swab was not done, because practitioner said it was folliculitis and wouldn't swab it (It was at my belt line). [Belt line is highly unlikely to relate to herpes.]   A blood test revealed I had low-ish B12 (technically in range, but at the very low end, especially for a man of my size). I had a series of B12 injections, and I am taking a B12 supplement. I am not taking any lysine or arginine at the moment. I was taking the Arganine to see if I could induce an outbreak. [This is irrelevant, there is no known linkage between herpes outbreaks and arginine/lysine intake - its a myth - and B12 infers nothing.] I think what I am asking is - has anyone here ever repeatedly tested negative over and over again over long period of time, before getting a definitive answer, be a positive test, or something else? [The answer to this is: Extremely few people with a HSV-1 infection and even more rarely HSV-2 test repeatedly negative on Westernblot and actually carry the virus. Of the cases that I know of that had delayed detection by a swab and negative blood tests in the meantime (and that's only 3-4 cases), they had some form of lesions within days of infection but did not obtain a swab for various reasons and then obtained a positive swab of a subsequent lesion with the record being 11 months later. A couple of the cases did have some 'background' symptoms they thought might be related to herpes but that isn't ascertained and some did not have any unusual symptoms at all apart from the lesions. Hence as you did not have lesions around your mouth or lips within days of the last sexual encounter as is exceptionally common for a primary oral HSV-1 infection, that pretty much rules out herpes orally as it is. The fact that you had no genital symptoms for a month also rules out genital herpes. I am not aware of anyone at all who has genuinely gone on to test positive by swab or blood in your specific circumstances. There are hundreds if not more than a thousand experiences on this website alone that are similar to yours that are truly negative for herpes I'm one of them!]  
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