Controversial Question: Is HSV Easier for Women or Men to Deal With?

[MovingOn1]

In the interest of not getting insta-flamed or this thread lock and/or erased, I want to make it clear that I don’t think HSV is “easy” for anyone to deal with. I am just curious about other people’s perspective about this issue:

In general, is HSV easier for women or men on balance to deal with?

I think it is generally easier for women for the following reasons (there are additional reasons I think this, but I will limit these to the most obvious):

1. It is socially acceptable, if not even expected to some degree, for women to hold out sex. If a man wants sex from a woman he is dating, and she postpones the issue, it typically isn’t really a big deal—allowing more time to develop a real connection. The reverse is not necessarily true, and the woman could start thinking all sorts of things (you’re married, have a girlfriend, don’t find her attractive, you are homosexual, etc…) which can cause problems.

2. Men, in general, are more risk tolerant than women.

3. Women, in general, are more “germaphobic” than men.

4. The rare, but serious, complications that can be caused during childbirth can frighten women who want and expect children.

5. In many serious relationships, the pressure and expectation for marriage is typically present and comes from the female side. The presence of herpes complicates this as well.

Just wondering what other people’s take on this is?

[mikka]

I'm really thankful for #1. When I date someone who tries to sleep with me immediately, I tell them it's not happening for quite a while and they will accept it... usually!

In #3, you state that women are more "germaphobic" than men- so true- and I find that that translates to being more attentive and perhaps a little more of a hypochrondriac about STDs (I know I was). So women are from my experience more likely to pay attention to symptoms and get tested and therefore know their status. Men, on the other hand, often don't think they need to get tested or don't care. Basically what I'm saying is I'm betting there are more men than women out there with H who don't know they have it or don't want to know.... and they might be the very men who are rejecting women who are honest enough to disclose their status. The idea that a man is being blissfully ignorant about his own STDs but rejects a woman when she's truthful with him infuriates me. Probably because I've been through it. But I'm sure it applies to both sexes.

Also, I think the emotional toll of H might be harder on women than men. Goes hand in hand with women being more easily infected and (in my opinion) women being more likely to get tested in the first place. I don't see too many men posting here.... but when I do see that I really feel for them.

[Eeva]

Im very worried about the whole childbirth thing. Are there risks for the child if you have herpes?

[giftedgrl]

I completely disagree. Having had this for years, being on this forum, having many friends with it as well it seem woman are way more accepting of a guy having hsv. Woman are looking for relationships and if a man has many of the qualities they want and they see a long term future with a guy they will look past the herpes. Men on the other hand are often just looking for sex and are not willing to take a risk which could jeapordize their sexual freedoms.

[MovingOn1]

You're right...most men just want to have sex with prostitutes and eat at a Korean restaurant alone on Christmas day. That's the dream.

Woman are looking for relationships and if a man has many of the qualities they want and they see a long term future with a guy they will look past the herpes.

See point #s 4 & 5.

[RealisticGal]

Your points #2-5 all seem to argue in favor of herpes being a more difficult thing for women.

There are a lot of other issues you didn't even bother to mention, the most obvious of which is the physical aspect, since herpes usually affects women much more severely in that respect.

If one considers the social customs when it comes to dating and mating, you have to realize that the pressure is on women to attract a mate more than on men. What that means is that anything which would lower status (such as herpes, potentially) makes it more difficult for a woman than for a man in the dating game.

Further, a woman who has had sex outside of marriage may be considered a $lu†. A man who has done the same is considered a stud. It's the old double standard, which is applied even more severely should that woman get an STI.

All that said, I don't believe it is easy for anyone. What's the point of trying to quantify that based on gender, anyway? It is probably quite variable on an individual basis.

[RealisticGal]

Im very worried about the whole childbirth thing. Are there risks for the child if you have herpes?

There are, but they are manageable. Take a look at the links on the right side of this page, under Life and Love, to read about it. >>>>>