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I was recently diagnosed with herpes after a romp with my ex. Within days I had lesions, and went to md. within a week it was confirmed, genital herpes. he was unaware he had it, and hasn't gotten tested yet. I went to the doc a 2 month ago and tested negative, so we know it came from him. He's the only one I've been intimate with. He is currently in a relationship and has told her. She has decided to stay with him.

He has been great thus far, but. I feel like life is over. Im afraid of rejection and feel like I'm stuck with him. I want kids, I'm single and getting older. I don't want to focus/rely on him but he does give me emotional support

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What next?

Your Single > go out enjoy yourself, fall in love, appreciate everything that is good in your life! He could have gave you much worse!! Your life will go on as its always meant to be...herpes is just a pebble in a very very long journey....enjoy it... dont make herpes a bigger thing in ur head!


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To give you the heads up...

you will feel ashamed, disgusted, worthless etc....basically crap!!!!

Because something has happened to you which you had no control over......

And yes its a fact it may come back..... but never as bad as the first time...and it can be managed via eating right...being healthy.. or meds....

You can still get married, have kids, fall in love, have the best sex ever.... and hey when u are able to have sex .... you will make the most of it.....

And yes it is a fact some people are ignorant and asses....and may not see past the "herpes" just explain it is coldsores..but down there.....

1 out of 4 people that have genital herpes have no symptoms...thats why its spread soooo easily.....so techincally you are safer sleeping with someone who knows than someone who doesnt have a clue!!!!

Also....is a good test whether someone realllly likes you or is just taking the piss.... someone who really sees you for YOU will not even think about the herpes...... sayin that it is one of the most common things in the WORLD... yet most ppl dont talk about it...over 80% of the population has it... and has been around since beginning of time... you have nothing to worry about. Herpes tends to weed out guys that arnt really in it for you.....

You can either go down two routes here..... think its ruined your life and you...

which it really hasnt......

you could have caught HIV, a disability, be infertile.....would you rather have that???

Dont get me wrong....its tough at first because you feel angry and have lost a lil bit of control.... but u really havnt...if anything herpes has made me stronger... and made me really take control of my life....

If anything if a good reminder that anyday you can wake up with something wrong with you...be that cancer, a virus, a disability etc...so make the most of your life, love greatly, have amazing sex, be kind, considerate, love your body!, be healthly and your virus will fade with time!!!

Only you will stand inbetween you and happiness.


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Hi there, I just registered on this site. It's been a little over a month since I was diagnosed a day before Thanksgiving. My boyfriend, I mean ex boyfriend, gave it to me. He denied he did and broke up with me... He also said once he gets tested, if the result comes back positive, that means I gave it to him, and he'd press legal charges against me. (I don't know if that's possible or he was just trying to threaten me). And that was the man I dearly loved...

I don't know what hurt more - being heart broken or the outbreaks or feeling the same way you do. The worst part is that you can't even tell anyone you know to get it off your chest....

And you know what i did? I treated myself to a great vacation package to Argentina. I also made an appointment to a spa salon for the first time in my life. I got a pair of long-forgotten dumbbells and worked the hell out, since it's been so long. I called a friend who I hadn't spoken for years, and we spent a whole Sat night screaming in a karaoke lounge. I'm going back to ballroom dancing as well starting Wed.

You know what? Life goes on! And yes, as the previous post says, it could've been much worse. You've got to keep yourself busy. Switch your focus to something else. There's a whole world out there. You and only you can choose to see the worst or the best of it. Surprise your ex with a happy life you're having without him. Make him SORRY for what he's lost! You're so much more than a freaking cold sore that so many people have and just don't talk about it. And remember, how do you expect people to accept you if you don't accept yourself? So go on, life is beautiful. Now is the time to treat yourself to something extraordinary because you deserve it!!

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Thank u, that was inspiration I needed. Yes, I love him and we have herpes but life does go on, no matter how bad it hurts....it will take time but it's my life and I deserve the best

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    • sgt98
      Hey @WilsoInAus ok thank you, I will do my best to move on and stop trawling forums haha. 
    • WilsoInAus
      Hey @sgt98 but there is no feasible infection or outbreak to suppress and antivirals do not suppress an initial outbreak in any event 
    • sgt98
      Thanks @WilsoInAus I understand apologies for this but the only other thing I am worried about is that I did take a course of Famvir on day 1 as I felt like I was having an outbreak of cold sores and am worried that has suppressed the initial outbreak genitally 
    • WilsoInAus
      Hi @sgt98 it is not feasible to obtain a HSV-2 infection from receiving oral sex - only HSV-1 is feasible but you've already got that and immunity from any further infection with HSV-1. You do not need any further tests for HSV. You're feeling regret, try to forgive yourself and calm down, let the rational take over. You know the answer here and it won't be long until you believe it too.
    • WilsoInAus
      Hi @NerdP423 and welcome to the website. You raise a lot of points and I think the best way to address your concerns is add some comments at each key point. I've copied your note again below and added these comments in square brackets. I appreciate any insight (even speculation) as to what has been going on with me. I'm a 37y/o M. I last was intimate with a new partner on 2/11/2022, and a few days later started having a huge amount of discomfort in my face. [The first thing that happens though is that herpes causes lesions or at least some skin based disruption. Other symptoms are then related to the actions of the immune system responding to the virus. Without lesions, it is highly questionable that the ailment is related to herpes, yet testing is useful if you have concerns as you have done so.] About a month after that [herpes causes issues within days, if the first 'symptoms' are a month later - its extremely unlikely they are related to herpes], significant discomfort downstairs, however every test I have ever taken for HSV 1 and 2 has been negative. Here are the details: Face: Previously, some significant tingling and itching on the right side of my mouth, lips and chin (still there, but milder) [herpes does not cause general tingling and itching, it can cause a reasonably concentrated feeling of itch/throb from which a herpes lesion appears within hours]. Occasional hot flashes near my right eye, cheek and ear [herpes does not do this, it may be a immune response to something, or stress]. Sometimes it will feel like the skin is crawling on the right side of my face [herpes does not cause a general crawling sensation]. Never seen anything that looked like a traditional cold sore [that's extremely telling, even people with associated atypical symptoms will have experienced herpes lesions]. Occasionally, the left side of my face will have a momentary feeling of skin crawling, but it's so mild that I am not really worried about it. Downstairs: Thankfully, most of these are now milder than they were before. Occasional momentary pinch of pain at the base of my genitals. [herpes does not cause a general pinch feeling.] Aching pain in my boxer area (groin, leg folds) [nor this] Occasional feeling of cold in my boxer area, butt, or lower back. ( also in my shins and occasionally even my arms) [nor this] On 4/30/2022, I had been in discomfort for almost two months. I scratched an itch, noticed it hurt, and then checked - I did have an open ulcer down there. Took myself to the ER to get swabbed, came back negative. [If this was a PCR then this will be very conclusive.] Practitioner said it may come back negative because it was already open. However the lab report noted that it definitely didn't look like what you'd expect a typical first herpes outbreak to look like [how would the lab know??]. All blood tests negative so far. I had two western blots, the second one was nine months after exposure. [Two negative Westernblots!!! Many that's real convincing]. All other swabs also negative. I went to urgent care, because I know the timeliness of when the Swab is taken matters. One time, a swab was not done, because practitioner said it was folliculitis and wouldn't swab it (It was at my belt line). [Belt line is highly unlikely to relate to herpes.]   A blood test revealed I had low-ish B12 (technically in range, but at the very low end, especially for a man of my size). I had a series of B12 injections, and I am taking a B12 supplement. I am not taking any lysine or arginine at the moment. I was taking the Arganine to see if I could induce an outbreak. [This is irrelevant, there is no known linkage between herpes outbreaks and arginine/lysine intake - its a myth - and B12 infers nothing.] I think what I am asking is - has anyone here ever repeatedly tested negative over and over again over long period of time, before getting a definitive answer, be a positive test, or something else? [The answer to this is: Extremely few people with a HSV-1 infection and even more rarely HSV-2 test repeatedly negative on Westernblot and actually carry the virus. Of the cases that I know of that had delayed detection by a swab and negative blood tests in the meantime (and that's only 3-4 cases), they had some form of lesions within days of infection but did not obtain a swab for various reasons and then obtained a positive swab of a subsequent lesion with the record being 11 months later. A couple of the cases did have some 'background' symptoms they thought might be related to herpes but that isn't ascertained and some did not have any unusual symptoms at all apart from the lesions. Hence as you did not have lesions around your mouth or lips within days of the last sexual encounter as is exceptionally common for a primary oral HSV-1 infection, that pretty much rules out herpes orally as it is. The fact that you had no genital symptoms for a month also rules out genital herpes. I am not aware of anyone at all who has genuinely gone on to test positive by swab or blood in your specific circumstances. There are hundreds if not more than a thousand experiences on this website alone that are similar to yours that are truly negative for herpes I'm one of them!]  
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