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First of all, im glad to have found this site. It seems like you are all very supportive, which is something i have not found yet. soo thanks :)

It was about 6 years ago when I found out I had herpes. I was in High school and i thought I had a yeast infection so i went to the doc. After a week or so, the meds were not working so I went back. I remember the doc saying "ohh, yeah, thats totally herpes." like it was nothing. After confronting my bf, he blamed me for cheating! I then found out he not only cheated on me, but knew he had herpes before giving it to me.

Somehow everyone in school found out (and living in kinda a small town) I became completely depressed. I would hear jokes and stories of parties where people were talking about me. Ive had a very hard time trusting people since then, especially when it comes to telling people I have it. Im even afraid of telling some of my best friends.

Now that Im older ive tried to move on with my life, but bc of family, Im still stuck in the same town where I see these people all the time. I have been dating my current boyfriend off and on for years. He accepts me but I still feel like he is worried about getting it. Im honestly not that happy in our relationship, but Im afraid of being alone and no one ever wanting to date me bc i have herpes.

I have never met or talked to anyone else who has herpes.

how do you deal with it?

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Hi & welcome Eeva

Aren't small towns such a pain!! GRRRRRRR!!

I'm in a small town too, but due to my age, I'm 44, it's all hush hush at least for now that I have herpes. I'm very particular with whom I do tell. Thank God for here, cos I don't have to keep quiet!! lol

I can understand & relate to being 'afraid of being alone' that's been a tough issue for me for many many years & still is. And I believe I don't deal with it at all. It just IS.

Anyhow, now that you've found this fantastic forum you won't be alone any more.............xx

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I echo Kitty's thoughts on small towns..and I am about to move to a seaside one :o !

You don't necessarily have to tell your best friends either. A lot of members on here only tell the people they choose to be intimate with..not family or friends unless they know that they can be completely trusted.

While I know it is not ever good to run away from your problems, it sounds to me, that you would be better off moving away and starting afresh. Don't settle for second best either when it comes to relationships, which going by your 'Im honestly not that happy in our relationship, but Im afraid of being alone and no one ever wanting to date me' is exactly what you are doing. You 'may' be rejected in the nearer future but the bottom line is that they wouldn't have been worth it anyway. There are plenty of people out there who will accept you for 'all' of the person you are.

As for coping, well we are all different. I have oral herpes so I don't have to suffer the bullshit stigma that comes with genital herpes. There are a lot of members here though who don't let genital herpes phase them, and that is one of the best things you can do. Live your life as you always would have. Don't let a skin virus stop you from being the best person you can be!

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hello all

I was diagnosed in sep 2010 the guy i was with at the time was cheating on me and knew he had it at the time we got tested together and he lied and said he was ok but he wasnt he told his friends on fb that i cheated and he didnt have it i was so hurt i told my mom and my two best friends but one of them told other people and they stop talking to me and i stop talking to that friend im still hurt but the people that matter make me feel the same and the man im with now tells me everyday you havent change i still love you i still dont know bout ob and my triggers but i hope coming on here will help me and i'll have someone to talk to and make new friends that have been there before and can tell me more

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Hello happy and welcome to you too! You have certainly been through a lot. Just thank your lucky stars that you aren't with that wank any longer. That is the best way to look at it. As for that friend of yours - who needs enemies when you have friends like that. I was relieved to read that you no longer speak to her. She certainly does not deserve your friendship.

Remember what you have now in your life and concentrate on that. Being on here will teach you a lot more about herpes in general especially if you read some posts and the info to the right of here is also very informative. Once you have posted twice, log out, then back in and come and join members in the chat room. There you can talk about treatment and triggers. You will find that everyone experiences herpes differently from the next person, and therefore also having different triggers. You are bound to make some great friends here as we have all done!

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    • sgt98
      Hey @WilsoInAus ok thank you, I will do my best to move on and stop trawling forums haha. 
    • WilsoInAus
      Hey @sgt98 but there is no feasible infection or outbreak to suppress and antivirals do not suppress an initial outbreak in any event 
    • sgt98
      Thanks @WilsoInAus I understand apologies for this but the only other thing I am worried about is that I did take a course of Famvir on day 1 as I felt like I was having an outbreak of cold sores and am worried that has suppressed the initial outbreak genitally 
    • WilsoInAus
      Hi @sgt98 it is not feasible to obtain a HSV-2 infection from receiving oral sex - only HSV-1 is feasible but you've already got that and immunity from any further infection with HSV-1. You do not need any further tests for HSV. You're feeling regret, try to forgive yourself and calm down, let the rational take over. You know the answer here and it won't be long until you believe it too.
    • WilsoInAus
      Hi @NerdP423 and welcome to the website. You raise a lot of points and I think the best way to address your concerns is add some comments at each key point. I've copied your note again below and added these comments in square brackets. I appreciate any insight (even speculation) as to what has been going on with me. I'm a 37y/o M. I last was intimate with a new partner on 2/11/2022, and a few days later started having a huge amount of discomfort in my face. [The first thing that happens though is that herpes causes lesions or at least some skin based disruption. Other symptoms are then related to the actions of the immune system responding to the virus. Without lesions, it is highly questionable that the ailment is related to herpes, yet testing is useful if you have concerns as you have done so.] About a month after that [herpes causes issues within days, if the first 'symptoms' are a month later - its extremely unlikely they are related to herpes], significant discomfort downstairs, however every test I have ever taken for HSV 1 and 2 has been negative. Here are the details: Face: Previously, some significant tingling and itching on the right side of my mouth, lips and chin (still there, but milder) [herpes does not cause general tingling and itching, it can cause a reasonably concentrated feeling of itch/throb from which a herpes lesion appears within hours]. Occasional hot flashes near my right eye, cheek and ear [herpes does not do this, it may be a immune response to something, or stress]. Sometimes it will feel like the skin is crawling on the right side of my face [herpes does not cause a general crawling sensation]. Never seen anything that looked like a traditional cold sore [that's extremely telling, even people with associated atypical symptoms will have experienced herpes lesions]. Occasionally, the left side of my face will have a momentary feeling of skin crawling, but it's so mild that I am not really worried about it. Downstairs: Thankfully, most of these are now milder than they were before. Occasional momentary pinch of pain at the base of my genitals. [herpes does not cause a general pinch feeling.] Aching pain in my boxer area (groin, leg folds) [nor this] Occasional feeling of cold in my boxer area, butt, or lower back. ( also in my shins and occasionally even my arms) [nor this] On 4/30/2022, I had been in discomfort for almost two months. I scratched an itch, noticed it hurt, and then checked - I did have an open ulcer down there. Took myself to the ER to get swabbed, came back negative. [If this was a PCR then this will be very conclusive.] Practitioner said it may come back negative because it was already open. However the lab report noted that it definitely didn't look like what you'd expect a typical first herpes outbreak to look like [how would the lab know??]. All blood tests negative so far. I had two western blots, the second one was nine months after exposure. [Two negative Westernblots!!! Many that's real convincing]. All other swabs also negative. I went to urgent care, because I know the timeliness of when the Swab is taken matters. One time, a swab was not done, because practitioner said it was folliculitis and wouldn't swab it (It was at my belt line). [Belt line is highly unlikely to relate to herpes.]   A blood test revealed I had low-ish B12 (technically in range, but at the very low end, especially for a man of my size). I had a series of B12 injections, and I am taking a B12 supplement. I am not taking any lysine or arginine at the moment. I was taking the Arganine to see if I could induce an outbreak. [This is irrelevant, there is no known linkage between herpes outbreaks and arginine/lysine intake - its a myth - and B12 infers nothing.] I think what I am asking is - has anyone here ever repeatedly tested negative over and over again over long period of time, before getting a definitive answer, be a positive test, or something else? [The answer to this is: Extremely few people with a HSV-1 infection and even more rarely HSV-2 test repeatedly negative on Westernblot and actually carry the virus. Of the cases that I know of that had delayed detection by a swab and negative blood tests in the meantime (and that's only 3-4 cases), they had some form of lesions within days of infection but did not obtain a swab for various reasons and then obtained a positive swab of a subsequent lesion with the record being 11 months later. A couple of the cases did have some 'background' symptoms they thought might be related to herpes but that isn't ascertained and some did not have any unusual symptoms at all apart from the lesions. Hence as you did not have lesions around your mouth or lips within days of the last sexual encounter as is exceptionally common for a primary oral HSV-1 infection, that pretty much rules out herpes orally as it is. The fact that you had no genital symptoms for a month also rules out genital herpes. I am not aware of anyone at all who has genuinely gone on to test positive by swab or blood in your specific circumstances. There are hundreds if not more than a thousand experiences on this website alone that are similar to yours that are truly negative for herpes I'm one of them!]  
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