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Unsettled and uncertain


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Hi. I am so glad to have found this forum. Up until last November I had only had 2 lovers in my entire life... my husband of 27 years who died suddenly in bed of a heart attack, and then, after a 5 year dry spell, my boyfriend of 18 months. At the end of October I broke it off with my boyfriend because a few of his behaviours made me feel we had no future together. I still loved him desperately and was very sexually attracted to him, so it was a heartwrenching decision that, needless to say, heaped loads of emotional stress, guilt, depression on my system. To add to the stress, he lashed out, first in a manipulative way and then vindictively, making it necessary for me to change my phone numbers among other things. But just before I did, he texted to say he had given me "the gift that keeps on giving". Shortly after that, he texted a retraction. And I still loved him and I was still hurting. *sigh*

Nonetheless, I went for the standard STD tests which were all negative so I thought the bf was just bluffing... never even thought about herpes. Until I got a blister on my finger which ulcerated until I almost thought I had flesh-eating disease. In my ignorance, I still only thought it was a work-related blister. Then a red bump appeared on my temple and blistered, followed by one on my cheek and one in my ear. By this time it is mid-December and I have a new male friend and we are starting to be intimate, and what should appear but a rash of nasty blisters between my legs. I don't know if I have type 1 or 2 because the doctor that I immediately saw, didn't swab. But I am devastated, feeling guilty, betrayed, and worried for my new partner, who is amazing and says it doesn't matter to him because he loves me and together we can share the burden. Nonetheless, I am feeling sick and heartbroken in multiple ways and glad to be able to learn from all of you here. Thank you.

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welcome to the club. Sorry you came to join it the one of the worst ways possible. Your ex is a very low person.

But most importantly look to the future which seems bright!! Great you have a new partner :) Lots of lovely people on here to chat too! x

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Hi Penny and welcome to the site. Thanks for sharing your story with us. Your ex sounds like one bad egg indeed. Don't worry he will be the one to end up with egg on his face at some stage. Karma is alive and well!

In case you aren't aware, herpes is not tested with the standard screening for STD's. I am gathering the doctor didn't take a swab because they were completely sure that what you presented with was herpes. That is likely the case, but nothing should be diagnosed by visual examination only. You could definitely now ask for a type blood test.

All your emotions are completely understandable but don't let it ruin what you now have with this wonderful man in your life. That is no doubt what your ex would have wanted so don't do him any favours. You and your partner can only strengthen your relationship from this and grow even closer together than you ever thought possible.

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Quote: "Sorry you came to join it the one of the worst ways possible. Your ex is a very low person.

But most importantly look to the future which seems bright!!"

Thank you :) He should have given me the option to protect myself...I know I am fooling myself thinking he didn't know for certain he had herpes...I guess he at least suspected...I will try to be positive now

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Hi KPenny,

I'm so sorry to hear about all of the heartache you've been through lately-sometimes life is so not fair. You are completely right about the fact that your ex should have told you and given you a chance to choose, to protect yourself. You might want to go back to the doctor and get an HSV 1 and 2 IgG test, which is a very definite and specific test for determining whether you indeed have HSV. Then, you will have a better idea of what you and your new partner are dealing with.

Give yourself time to absorb things and heal, and you will start feeling better day by day, I promise. Good luck!

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KPenny, if he sent you a text that he had "given you the gift that keeps on giving" then he definitely knew. I am sorry he pulled that crap and took the choice away from you. Karma is indeed a bitch, and it will come back on him.

Congrads on your new love's attitude. Sounds like you found a truly gracious man that is willing to look past the virus and to the wonderful woman underneath.

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      @CHTany thoughts? Thanks!
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      @WilsoInAus saw you responded to others, would appreciate any thoughts.
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