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did i do the right thing

roundthehorn

By roundthehorn
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roundthehorn Honeycomb Member

roundthehorn

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I'm a 25 year old guy with H and had been dating a girl with H for about 3 months. The last month we were together she was kicked out of her house and moved in with her friend who introduced her to heroin. There was a week period where I didnt talk to her at all and had no idea what was going on, when I finally did get to see her she was strung out as all hell and actually had the nerve to get into my car with her needle and bag. I told her that she had to stop or we couldn't be together and she did...at least to my knowledge. Even after she stopped I couldn't bring myself to sleep with her because I was afraid to get hep c, I'm a cook its what I was meant to do in life and catching a blood born illness like that pretty much ruins your career. We ended up breaking up two days ago(on Christmas none the less) and I feel like the biggest piece of shit, here I am denying a relationship with someone because of an std but I would expect someone to accept me if they didnt have H. Im really not sure how else to feel at this point, I had such a good thing going and all of a sudden I'm depressed, alone, and still living with H...its a pretty big buzz kill. Not really sure where I was going with this, these forums are the only place I can talk about my H issues, other than two ex gf's no one in my life knows I have it and I have no plans on changing that anytime soon, I guess I was hoping getting it off my chest would help.

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AquariusAngel Acknowledged Support Member

AquariusAngel

Posted
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It sounds like she went to the wrong friend since she was introduced to heroin as a result. As far as I know, hep c is only transmitted through blood, but you certainly don't have to put your own career at jeopardy for anything or anyone. I think you have to work out if your girl is truly over the heroin (we all know it is incredibly addictive) and if you love her enough to help her through that. You don't have to feel bad if you simply can't tolerate her new sort of life. No-one would blame you for that. Getting things off your chest and out of your head always helps. Remember too that you don't necessarily have to limit yourself to date only girls that have herpes. There are many people out there who realise it is no big deal and will accept and love you for 'all' of you.

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MsLucy Platinum Support Member

MsLucy

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Actually, from what you said, you didn't reject her over an STD, but because of the heroin problem and the risk of Hep C. Those issues are very different from herpes. Nothing will fuck your life up quicker than getting involved with an alcoholic or an addict. I know this from experience. Been there, done that.

If you really think you could have a future with this girl, you need to be very careful, take it slow, and protect yourself... as in don't be too trusting. Also, make her get tested for hep and HIV. And, if she's still living with her 'friend', she'd have to move out and end all contact... even if that meant moving in with you. At least you could monitor her that way.

I know all this sounds harsh, but addicts can be (and usually are) accomplished liars, extremely manipulative, and just generally untrustworthy. And the ones they screw over the worst are the people who care most about them. If it were me, random drug testing would be part of the deal as well.

You have a lot at stake here... like your whole future in a career you love. If she wants to be part of that future, she should be willing to prove it. Everyone deserves a second chance, and you sound like you think you should give her one. If that's what your gut tells you to do, then go with it. Just be careful. Don't take anything for granted. You know what they say... "Hurt me once, shame on you. Hurt me twice, shame on me."

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hopeful4betterdays Newbie

hopeful4betterdays

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I think that you cant compare one instance to the other.. In the end there is no guarantee and if she was willing to squander away her life on an addiction then there is no telling what else "could" be introduced into the relationship.. WE want acceptance this is true and in order to get that have to give understanding but at the same time there has to be a little bit of selfishness to protect ourselves.. We have enough on our plate already dont need any more troubles.. sorry that you had to go through that and I hope that things work out for you in the future

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lxxsumi8 Newbie

lxxsumi8

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I think that you cant compare one instance to the other.. In the end there is no guarantee and if she was willing to squander away her life on an addiction then there is no telling what else "could" be introduced into the relationship.. WE want acceptance this is true and in order to get that have to give understanding but at the same time there has to be a little bit of selfishness to protect ourselves.. We have enough on our plate already dont need any more troubles.. sorry that you had to go through that and I hope that things work out for you in the future

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