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My Future & My Doom


Betrayed2010

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Just need to post somewhere and express myself =( I just read John Cheever's short story "reunion" and a line in that story described EXACTLY what I am feeling right now "My Future and My Doom". I say this because, after experiencing symptoms of a "full blown outbreak", on December 3rd, I was able to make it to the gyn on December 16th.

I had to wait a long time because to be seen because I started menstruating the day before my first appt was scheduled. I don't even know how I got through the pain (didn't receive the medication until the I was almost healed) this but my follow up appt is tomorrow...I was immediately visually diagnosed, swabbed and then given prescriptions for Valtrex, Zovirax & Metro Gel. So now, I will get the results of the swabbing and I am sure it will be positive.:(

I have TOO many of the symtpoms of herpes. The whole outbreak thing happened in the exact stages described on medical websites. First a rash, then lesions, then discharge from the lesions, then open ulcers and then they it healed. This was all accompanied with watery vaginal discharge, random sharp pains throughout my genital & legs and swollen lymph nodes on both sides in the genital area. The doctor took 1 look and said herpes..

They guy who I got this virus from is an unsupportive, selfish moron who is in denial. He also called me a "vengeful bitch" and told me that I already had a bump. 100 % False. And if I already had a bump, Why did you take the condom off and feel the need to not protect YOURSELF? Ugh! Just to think exactly one month ago - I wasn't dealing this at all! Life as I know it, feels like it's over. November 28th is the day we had sex, then again on December 1st. Symptoms started 2 day's after December 1st. I dont feel comfortable talking to my parents or friends about this so this forum is my only place to vent :madd:

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hey.... first off.... I would say not to count your chicks before they hatch, but that does sound like herpes. This is the perfect place to vent and everyone is really supportive.

You will get through this.... research as MUCH as you can, and this forum is a great place to learn about things that will help. For me.... my diagnosis has forced me to take a better look at my overall health. I eat too much sugar, too much chocolate, I don't deal with stress well, I eat quite poorly most of the time and all those things are things I knew I should change, but it was easy to neglect. Well now it's not, it's easier to remember to put the chocolate bar down when I know it could trigger or worsen an outbreak. Sometimes positive life changes can happen when you get this kind of news. So try to focus on the positive.

I hope you told the idiot that gave it to you to get bent!!! That's totally disgraceful of him. However, you can't change what has happened and holding the hate in is unhealthy (from a mental and physical standpoint) He isn't going to make it go away and sounds like he doesn't even care, but please don't let that affect YOUR healing.

In the future there are a lot of understanding people out there, and think of it this way.... if you wait to have sex with someone until you trust them with telling them, that's not always the worst thing in the long run! Anyone who deserves you will understand and the ones who run for the hills are just ignorant or uneducated and want to keep it that way. Not someone you want to be with. As you learn to deal with your outbreaks and what works for you, having herpes can act as an "asshole filter" in the dating world. You can have a very fulfilling sexual relationship with someone, you just have to take precautions.

My <3 goes out to you, but you came to the right place.

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Thanks so much. Your response means a lot to me. I am just going thru a lot of emotions and thinking all sorts of weird thoughts.. Wishing I could go back in time, but I know thats not logical or possible. I hate the clinic that I have to visit (I was too ashamed to go to my regular gyn,) and now I am just thinking that I wouldn't even be going through this if I hadnt met this guy. UGH! We had a terrible snow storm, the streets are snowy & icy and I have a LONG walk to the clinic. I will then be harassed by anti abortions protestors once I hit the block of the medical center...only to receive some bad news. Afterwards, I have to work 4pm to 12am and keep a smile on my face for 9 hours =/ I am just not looking forward to this.

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Ugh, I know how you feel. It's a little different in Canada as far as docs offices go... but here if you don't have a regular family doctor and have to go to a walk in clinic, the doctors are just IDIOTS! When I got my first OB, i called in sick to work so I could race to a clinic and get it swabbed. I'd had symptoms before but this was the first messy outbreak that I felt was actually swabable. The doc I saw told me that it's impossible to have a herpes outbreak inside on the cervix. WTF!

I Had to sit there and tell him the story and how I "Really think it is"... it was so degrading to have to defend why I think it's herpes... as if I'm trying to convince myself and him like it's something I want. As soon as he saw the bumps he worte me a script, and when the test came back.... I could have drop kicked him. I told him straight to his face he should loose his medical license for being so uneducated. Tool.

I'd probably scream at the anti abortion people something to the effect of:

EFF OFF... I just got diagnosed with herpes, and if it weren't for clinics like this I wouldn't be receiving medical care cause I was too embarassed to go to my gynecologist due to the stigmas of ignorant backwards thinking individuals.

*and tear up their pamphlets and throw it at them* lol ... specially if i was hurting from an OB and pms at the same time.

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First off, make sure what you have is actually herpes - make the doc order you to get blood tests: it would be best to know for sure, rather than just going off speculation.

Secondly, I'll share some helpful things with you, as I was just newly diagnosed myself in October.....

- Don't expect the person that gave it to you to admit it. I thought if I pestered the jerk long enough, that he would go in and get tested and be a responsible adult and at least apologize to me for ruining my life....he never has and I don't expect he ever will.

- Don't expect a new guy to really completely understand, but make sure you tell him early enough and of course, before you have intercourse with him. The right guy will understand and will accept you for who you are.

- Be responsible with your disease.....it would not be morally sound if you were to spread it around or have sex with guys who don't know you have this.

- With acyclovir (Valtrex), transmission rates of the disease are astronomical, especially with protection - make sure you let a guy know this - it would help your cause if you do want to pursue a relationship with him.

- Make sure to drink plenty of water and foods high in Lysine and stay away from foods high in Arginine, which is the protein your outbreaks feed on.

- Make sure to take your meds on time every day - trust me when I say this, as I skipped a few days and BAM! Cold Sore! and BAM! Outbreak!

- Your first outbreak is typically the worst - congrats on that, because you've suffered the worst.

- The disease gets less severe as time goes on - it essentially burns itself out. During my first three months, I had nothing but problems...cold sore after cold sore....itching...pain...flu-like symptoms....and now I feel like myself.

- Do research online about all the research facilities all over the world that are working on a vaccine and a cure....it will give you hope.

- Find out about how the disease works, and what phases your outbreaks have - this will lessen your worried nerves a lil - it definitely helped me!

And if none of that makes you feel better, just know that there are plenty of great people out there just like you that suffer from this.....

And perhaps if that doesn't make you feel better....the IRB in Barcelona, Spain, has found that the HIV medication Raltegravir kills ALL herpesviridae on contact - they have gotten a second patent on the drug for curing herpes, so it is just a matter of time before we don't have to get meds and suffer and post on forums :)

Good luck....you'll feel better in time....promise!

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WOW I just read about Raltegravir! INTENSE! *fingers crossed for the future* I hope the drug companies don't find a way to hamper research on this one as a means of maintaining profit.

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    • ScubaSteeve
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