Finally Have the Courage to Share My Story!

[Blindsided]

Hello, I'm new to this site and just writing this introduction is a big step for me. For the longest I have been so ashamed about having herpes that I wouldn't talk to anyone. Here is the quick version of my story…I contracted herpes about 6 years ago from the first guy I had ever been with. My first outbreak was horrible, like many others I just assumed it was a yeast infection, but when it became unbearable to urinate I went to the doctor and they confirmed that it was herpes. I was in such shock b/c I just knew that this could not be happening to me. I was the innocent, non-promiscuous girl who waited 24 years to lose her virginity. My boyfriend was with me when I went to the doctor and when I came out and told him what it was he said he had a feeling that was what was wrong. He knew he had herpes since the age of 14 but never told me and b/c he hadn’t had an outbreak in years he assumed I would be okay. I was so angry and hurt. He cried his eyes out to me apologizing but I couldn’t forgive him, but the sad part is that I stayed with him for another 4 years b/c I just knew that no one else would ever want me again. It took a lot for me to finally get out of that “abusive” relationship b/c I felt worthless. But, I knew that it was unhealthy b/c I had so much anger in me towards this man that I may have done something crazy if I stayed with him any longer.

I joined this site b/c I need support. I have internalized everything to the point that it is literally making me sick. The only people that knows about this is my ex and now current boyfriend. I am too ashamed to share with anyone else and sometimes I wish I had someone to talk to who understands what I’m going through. Having herpes has caused me to be very depressed at times b/c I worry about what the future holds when it comes to marriage, having children and it’s taking a toll on my current relationship (which I’ll go into further in a different forum).

I am open to any advice and support that you have to offer.

[elmerette]

Wow,

Sorry to hear that this happened to you. Sounds like you have really been thru it. You need to relax and quit internalizing. Herpes is not the end of your life, and by now hopefully, your ob's have calmed way down. after you post twice you can join live chat and chat in real time with people in our boat. It really helps.

[norcallove]

Welcome to this site. Thank you for sharing your story. So sorry that all of that happened to you. There are a lot of supportive people on this site who understand what you're going through. I'm here for you if you ever need to talk Take care.

[Blindsided]

Thank you both so much for the support. I'm really glad that I found this forum. It helps to have others to talk to and not feel like you are going to be judged.

[RhareJewelle]

Sounds like we have similar stories.

Hello.

I'm Rhare. I contracted genital herpes from the first guy I was with too. But I'm young. Im only 21. I only wished I would have waited until I was married to have lost my virginity, much less the age of 24. Through it all its not so bad. I know what its like to be depressed and having the feeling of no one ever love you again. Thats just a trap that the devil sets up for you to believe. There will always be someone out there to love you and accept you even if you don't believe it. When I was with the guy I was with, he belittled me and told me I was nothing to him after 5 years. Yea I was 15 and pretty naive. I had the world in my hands. I had it all, until I found out I had herpes. It was the worst feeling in the world. I am a preacher's kid and we are suppose to be innocent forever until we marry, but people have to understand that we are human too. After months of feeling worthless and bitter, I became suicidal. I didn't want any help. I just wanted to give up on life. There was no reason for me to live. After I found out I had herpes, I lost a very close cousin to suicide. She hung herself in her own backyard. She also had HIV. Then God shared a revelation with me, he said "If no one else loves you, I do and because I created you, this disease will not determine how you live for me, but it will help you become a better person and you will be able to reach out to others who have the disease just like you." I was amazed when God got my attention and told me to minister to those who have the disease and even to others who don't. I then realized what my purpose of life was. Maybe it was meant for me to have this disease so I can help others with this disease know who God is and maybe convince others to believe that he is real. The reason I am sharing this story with you is because it helped me realize that just because I have herpes doesn't mean life is worthless. With HIV, you can't be a normal person with a normal life at least that's what others believe, who are unaware of God's goodness. Herpes you can't die from but HIV is far worse. Just because I have herpes doesn't mean I can't live a normal life. I have a cousin who has had HIV for years. At one point he was a homosexual, but because God intervened he is a married man to ONE women and they are due to have their first son, very soon. God is awesome. God does everything but fail. And once you understand and know that life goes on and you can live a normal life, you will become a better person and you will be able to accept you and the disease. You also will be able to forgive the guy who didn't tell you. Im sure he didn't want to hurt you, but I also can tell that he wanted someone to accept him for him and the herpes too. Of course that doesn't give anyone a right not to tell their partner that they have it, but I'm sure he went through all of the depression and issues that you and I have been through. One day you will understand. Herpes isn't a death sentence, its just a small inconvenience. Its not a set back, but its a way of moving forward and learning that there are people in this world who have far worse disease and there are people who will love you and will have a heart to care for you. There is someone out there who wants to marry you and wants you to have their children in spite of. I can guarantee that. I am in a relationship with a guy who loves me in spite of the disease. He's even planning to marry me after we both finish college in about a year. If you believe there is a God, then you can believe he is the creator of all and will give you the desires of your heart.

Be Blessed

~Rhare Jewelle~