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Anyone Want to Join Me?

AnaBella

By AnaBella
in Personal Experience with Herpes

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AnaBella Honeycomb Member

AnaBella

Posted
Posted

Okay. I've given this virus a little over a yr of my life by worrying, overthinking, embarrassment, shame, anger, dispair, tears, rage, feeling lonely, paranoia, pity for myself, resentment, and pain. I hated myself for letting this happen to me. I didn't enjoy life. It was as if I was living outside of myself. The people that didn't (and still don't know) that I have this probably didn't notice any outward change in me...but I felt dead inside. The few that did know were in perpetual state of worry themselves because they didn't recognize me anymore. I wasn't the same person they loved. I spent alot of time mad at what this virus had taken away from me. It had taken everything that I thought I knew about myself and completely kicked it's a**. I didn't want my husband to touch me and the few days that I might feel some kind of contentment, by the end of the day I was back to what I called my zombie mode. I would be at work dealing with clients and once I was finished I would head to the bathroom, cry, regroup and head back to my desk to try to finish the day in hopes that no one would notice how my eyes looked.

Now I know by now whoever is reading this is wondering how you could possibly join me in anything...but you see I eventually grew tired. One day I actually realized a yr had passed and you know what? I'M STILL HERE! No...I'm not the same person. I'm stronger. I'm making it through something that if someone had told me 2 yrs ago that I would be going through I would've been in a looney bin somewhere. But I'm not...I'm Blessed. And I refuse to give up and let this overtake my life for one more year...or even a day for that matter.

What I want is for others to have the same feeling. I know that none of us here ever expected or wanted to be in this position. Who would want that? But now that we are in this position we can choose not to let this be what defines us. My heart breaks when I read alot of these posts b/c I know the pain. But what I want most is for 2011 to be THAT year...the year of overcoming. Not letting something like herpes take our peace or our feeling of security. Let it be something that pushes us that much harder to live our lives as we want too. Yeah, it's okay to shed a tear or two b/c I still do from time to time but after shedding those tears we have to fight like h*** to gather ourselves and continue the good fight. I'm sorry if I sound like a pumped up motivational speaker but I feel like this forum is soooo supportive and so informative that it's the right place to vent and let others know that we can LIVE and be just as good if not better than we were before.

I know that each day is a battle and I still have those days when I have to vent out the bad. But the difference is before when I would have one of those days trying to figure out triggers, vitamins, outbreaks, etc to the point I would work myself into a panic attack now... I think about those things for the moment then let them go. I want so bad to make this New Year into one of triumph and pray for all of us here that we're all joined in. God Bless You All.

AnaBella

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MsLucy Platinum Support Member

MsLucy

Posted
Posted

At some point, everyone has to make that decision to move on. What better time than the beginning of a new year? I'm sure 2011 will come with its own baggage. Why carry the old stuff with us, too? I'm with you, girl. :cheers:

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