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I hope I hit my low...


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Thought I was coming out of the depression my ex put me in from the strength my new boyfriend gave me back and then the past pops up>>>>

I was just found out today that I have IT! I apologize for my reference but thats how I feel. I waited til i was an adult to become sexually active and always protected myself. i realized early on that alot of people were random with their partners so i made sure that i didnt trust anyone. been through good and bad relationship and was fine, always long term. one night i was with my ex and the condom broke and he didnt bother to tell me. From the end actions I knew, and was mad he didnt bother to stop...and a few days later it started. I went to the doctor, was checked and waited. The whole time he claimed he didnt have anything, even previously, multiple times begged to go forth without protection. I received a call back saying we have to talk to you but its nothing to worry about, and played phone tag with the clinic. I was told someone would call back and it nerver happened. I went back today because for the last few months before my period I get sores. Tell them about the situation, was checked and swabbed, then asked about the phone call. So she opens the chart and says yeah it say it right here on the page, evidence resembling that of herpes... WHAT??? that was months ago...at the beginning of the time I met my current boyfriend. Now I already told him there was a possibility i was infected before meeting him. But a possibility is different from FACT. HUHHHHHH....tears, anger, regret, and confusion. I wanted to be careful, he does what he wants and this is the outcome. My current boyfriend is very suppportive and says hes here til the end, and besides still has to get checked. I say im a walking curse and to run!!!! I cant think of anything past having outbreaks and infecting him and he says its not an issue, and im making him mad by telling him to consider leaving me...I say you can walk away I cant. his sister went through the same thing and he was with her through her hard times and says he understands how i feel. i dont want to push him away but idk how to be okay with carrying on a relationship or even want to put this weight on us. I never want to burden anyone and now am a worry forever. This sucks. I always said i dont want just kids i want a family. now i feel i dont want either>>>and for some reason i always knew my adult life would carry some illness that would make me not want/have kids, and here i am finding out why. Im so numb i cant even draw up hate towards the person who did this, just confusion...y?

o yeah he doesnt have anything...yeah Okay!

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I know this may be hard to believe but it WILL get better. I have had it a long time and it means nothing to me. It has never stopped me from doing anything or anyone I wanted.

Stop pushing this guy away. You have informed him and it is his decision on if he wants to stay or leave. Herpes is such a minor virus it is nothing to end a relationship over. 80% of the adult population has hsv. Ask him if he has ever had mono, chicken pox or a cold sore. If he has, he already has herpes, all of those are caused by the herpes virus.

Did you know it is more difficult for women to pass it to men than vice versa? And if you take meds daily you can reduce the risk of transmission by 50%. Also, the longer you have it the less you are contagious. I have chatted with many married people who have been married decades and never passed it along. It is really no big deal, especially for guys, we don't suffer as much.

Come to the Chat Room, there you will find many nice Herpsters who can offer you their support.

Good luck!


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