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My test for herpes came back positive. I cannot understand how this could have happened. My boyfriend and i have been together for over three years and we have only been with each other. When my test came back, my doctor could not tell me what type it was. I was wondering if my test came back positive, and she can't tell me what type I have, then could the test have came back positive if I have shingles? My boyfriend is getting tested tomorrow, but I reassure you that he has been faithful to me. He used to get coldsores when he was younger, but hasn't had one in years that he knows of. I just feel like no one can give me the answers I seek. My doctor automatically thinks that he has been unfaithful to me, but I know better. I'm wondering if I could have gotten this because he has coldsores, but hasn't had any noticeable outbreak. I have never even kissed anyone but this boy and I love him more than anything. He reassures me that even if his test comes back negative, which he thinks it will, that he will stay with me no matter what. My life is falling apart because both of our families are accusing us of being unfaithful. My parents think it was him and his think it was me. But we both keep telling them that neither of us has done anything, but it doesn't seem to matter to them. They are totally against our being together, but we both know that it doesn't matter. I'm so confused right now and I have never been through anything this hard and emotional. I just need to hear some comfort from someone, instead of my family being so mean and ridiculous. It seems like they blame me more than anyone. I'm getting another test ran from a different doctor tomorrow, just because my doctor really can't tell me much except that I have it. Can't tell me what type or anything. Does that even make sense? I feel like I just have so many questions that can never be answered, it seems like everyone I have told about this, which is only a select few, thinks that I'm distgusting, including my own parents. I'm only 19, I have my whole life to live and it seems like i'm just going to have to spend my days alone, I just don't know what to do...

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There is no cure yet for herpes. If indeed your boyfriend had herpes before then he still has it. Oral herpes is present in over 70 percent of the population, that is OVER SEVENTY PERCENT. That means most people carry the virus. The "stigma" about this particular virus is complete nonsense. There are kids running around daycares all over the world with oral herpes from loving parents giving them kisses, this is like the flu.

There are Herpes strain specific blood tests available which can tell you whether you have HSV1 or HSV2 or both.

Herpes can lie dormant for years and then decide to have an outbreak at the most confusing moment possible. :)

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I feel the same way. I am 26yrs old, and i was diagnosed today. dont know what to think or do and the guy that gave it to me claims to not have it so i cant talk to him. thank GOD i now have a supportive boyfriend who's sister also went through it. he says he will be by my side but i now feel like a burden. i hopefully things will clear up emotionally. i break down in tears every few hrs. i feel out of control! i love to solve problems and this is one that isnt going to be solved by me :(

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Thank you both very much, reading the stories of people on here makes me feel so much better about myself, I know I'm not disgusting and unclean, I know that I'm a good person, it just seems like I have horrible luck, always have, I get sick ever other month, working at walmart for 2 years didn't help that at all. I've been so sick lately, I was sick at the beginning of November and then I got sick again at the end of November and then, 9 days ago i got sores, I was so scared, I didn't even tell my boyfriend because I was afraid he would leave me, I just don't understand because my outbreak lasted 6 days from the time it started till it finished. I didn't even use the acyclovir the doc gave me because I didn't think that it was necessary. I can't figure out why the outbreak only lasted that long, because when my doctor saw it she automatically said herpes and told me it looked like I would have it a couple weeks. My blood and culture test came back yesterday and they were both positive. I had to wait a week to get my results because of Christmas, and I could'nt even be happy when I was with my family opening gifts on christmas eve, I almost started crying because my grandpa died in may and he had already gotten us gifts before he died and when my grandma gave me the gift I could have just fell over and died. I just want things to be the way they used to be with my family and my boyfriends family, they have always loved me and told me I was like their daughter and that I saved their son from depression, but now all they can tell him is that he needs to leave me. I'm just so hurt, the only one who understands is my boyfriend, he is so great and i dont know what i would do in this situation if i didnt have him by my side, I just need so much comforting, but there is only one person who can give that to me...

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Sorry the families are giving you guys grief, and even worse --- that your doctor is so ignorant about herpes.

Unfortunately, a lot of docs are not up to speed on it. There is a lot of ignorance out there about herpes. If even docs can't get it right, I guess we can understand why we and our families and friends are basically clueless about it, right? But it is sad that you and your BF are being given such a rough time because herpes is an area that is not taught, and a condition that is stigmatized for no good reason.

As mrhonest mentioned, oral herpes is something that (estimated) 80% of the North American adult population has. Most of them got it by the time they reached their teens. About 70% of those who have it do not even know it because they have minimal or no symptoms. Also, a lot of folks do not recognize that oral cold sores are caused by the herpes simplex virus.

Many, many folks do not realize that oral herpes can be transferred to another person's genital area by way of oral sex.

I'm going to go out on a very sturdy limb here and say that is probably exactly how you got herpes --- because your boyfriend who has oral herpes gave you oral sex.

It doesn't matter whether or not a person has not had a visible sore in years; that person still does and will always have herpes.

So if your boyfriend really had true cold sores as a kid, he will test positive for herpes --- probably type HSV1.

Even without active sores, a person who has herpes can have something called asymptomatic viral shedding. Usually the virus is dormant (like hibernating) when there are no sores on the skin. Asymptomatic viral shedding means viral particles have come to the surface of the skin from the place in the nerves where they hibernate, but that they do not cause any sores. They just come up to the surface, where another person could contact them if they make contact with the infected person's skin.

Testing: You can find out what type each of you have a couple of ways.

1) If you get actual lesions (sores) swabbed and cultured, the culture can be typed, but the doctor has to order the lab to do that.

2) Get a TYPE SPECIFIC IgG-BASED HERPES BLOOD TEST. Do not let them give you an IgM-only test --- they are unreliable and inaccurate.

  • The swabs have to be done from active sores.

  • Blood tests can be done at any time after the infection has been contracted, although it is possible to get a false negative result early on.

  • You may have to repeat your blood test if that happens.

  • Your boyfriend's blood test would almost certainly come up positive right now, since he has had it for a long time.

  • If yours comes up negative right now, you should retest in a few months.

Hang in there, hon. This is not easy, but you have found a good resource here with lots of information and a community full of folks who will help you through it. :wavey:

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yeah the whole situation sucks right now. my doctors have had my results since july and i just found out today because i went in experiencing symptoms of and outbreak. i had to ask about the last visit for her to check my chart! and the results have just been sitting there.

I too feel low, scumbagish but i know that this diagnosis today did not suddenly change who i am, or you either. im just scared with this being new what to expect. im going hard with prayer. if anything can heal me my GOD will!

honestly i dont think minds change about this disease unless someone who has credibility to those making the judgement has experienced it.

this morning i felt alone, crying on my bathroom floor, partly because my boyfriend doesnt live with me and had yet to return my call. having a supportive mate is great and unexpected, and finding this site is giving me the added comfort i needed as well.

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realisticgirl: The think you said about going out on a limb, it has been my theory all along, you know me and him both have been sick, he has had bronchitis and i have had the flu or something like that...he rarely gets sick, maybe once a year. We have been having sex since 9 months into our relationship, do you think that just now I could have gotten it? Because we were both sick? I just want answers more than anything, I thank you very much for your support, you seem to know quite a bit about the subject, now I think i just need to find a doctor that can confirm my theories. It's going to be hard to find one that will listen to me, but I'm going to search until someone can tell me how this happened. Thank you

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realisticgirl: The think you said about going out on a limb, it has been my theory all along, you know me and him both have been sick, he has had bronchitis and i have had the flu or something like that...he rarely gets sick, maybe once a year. We have been having sex since 9 months into our relationship, do you think that just now I could have gotten it? Because we were both sick? I just want answers more than anything, I thank you very much for your support, you seem to know quite a bit about the subject, now I think i just need to find a doctor that can confirm my theories. It's going to be hard to find one that will listen to me, but I'm going to search until someone can tell me how this happened. Thank you

Hi hon,

Okay, the problem is, it is very unlikely that a doctor will tell you anything like "this is how/when/from whom you got herpes." First of all, that would make them liable. But secondly, the nature of herpes infection makes it almost impossible to pinpoint the answers to those questions.

However, in your case where you know you have only been sexually active with one partner, it is a little bit easier.

You've been together 3 years, have been sexually active for a bit over 2. Yes, it is entirely possible that you could have just recently contracted herpes from your BF, even though you have been active for a while. There are long term couples who are members of this site who have had exactly that experience. I know one woman reports that she was married for 28 years before she got it from her husband. So it can happen.

Since he has not had any oral cold sores for a while, and because he has an old infection (since childhood, right?), he likely sheds less often than someone with a new infection. So apparently you guys just got lucky and his mouth didn't happen to be shedding at "just the right time" (when you guys got busy) until recently. But then, there came a time when he was shedding and he gave you oral sex. And then you got Genital HSV.

To answer the question about whether or not this has to do with the two of you being sick...

His immune system would have been challenged by having bronchitis, which could mean it was less able to suppress the herpes virus in the nerve ganglia where it normally hibernates. So maybe that increased his shedding rate.

Your flu-like symptoms might actually be part of your primary outbreak of herpes. Symptoms like swollen lymph glands, aches, fever, etc. are common when one first contracts herpes (and sometimes also during recurrences).

On the other hand, if you really have influenza, it could have made you more susceptible to acquiring herpes from him at this time.

I really don't believe you need to know how this happened, so much as you and your BF need to be able to explain/convince your families about it. I think you two already have it figured out. You just need them to become educated about herpes so they will get off your backs.

There is plenty of information available about viral shedding and how herpes is spread right here on this site. Some is suitable for printing out and sharing. >>>>>>>>>>

What your families need to understand, basically, is the following:

  • Herpes is spread by skin to skin contact with an infected area on one person to an uninfected person.

  • That can happen even when there are no actual sores because of the viral shedding.

  • Your boyfriend has a known history of oral cold sores, which are caused by the herpes simplex virus.

  • Skin to skin contact with his mouth and your genitals is the most likely way you contracted genital herpes, based on the posit that you have never had contact between your genitals and any other person's skin besides this boyfriend's.

Look at the links on the right and you will definitely find info you can present to your families. Good luck!

ADDED: Here are two good links for you to start with:

Cold Sores

What is the Connection Between Genital Herpes and Cold Sores?

[url=http://www.herpes-coldsores.com/genital_herpes.htm#Cold_Sores_and_Genital_Herpes]

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Those were 2 very good sources, thankyou very much...I know that no doctor will tell me that, that is exactly how i got it but, i would atleast like to hear from them that it is possible or likely...

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Those were 2 very good sources, thankyou very much...I know that no doctor will tell me that, that is exactly how i got it but, i would atleast like to hear from them that it is possible or likely...

Did your blood test tell you what type you have (HSV1 or HSV2)?

If you can get yours typed, and also get your boyfriend type tested, I think you will probably both show up with HSV1. That will go a long way toward helping show you likely contracted oral to genital herpes from your BF.

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The doctor couldn't tell me which type it was. I asked her why and she said she didn't know, at that point i was like, well i think i need to go somewhere else, because she was acting like she didn't want to be having the conversation in the first place. I'm pretty sure that I have hsv1 also because my outbreak was uncomfortable, but it wasn't horrible and only lasted for 6 days, i mean you can't even tell anything has ever happened. It looks the same, feels the same, i just can't understand how that works...In all honestly I'm not freaking out because I have herpes, the only thing I'm worried about is if he comes back negative, then how do I explain? I can't and that scares me. And also, when the lady on the phone told me my results she mentioned something about it being inactive? I mean what does that even mean? I just think I need to go somewhere else because actually I didn't get to talk to my doctor at all because she was "too busy". Too busy to talk to a patient about something this important? I just need answers, thats all i need...

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I also wanted to add, when the lady told me my test results she said that i also had a UTI and that I had, had mono at some point and that I was dehydrated. About 2 years ago, i did think i had mono, i went to the doctor (a different one) and she said that she thought i had it too, i was sleeping all the time, running a fever, etc. I went and had a blood test and I can't remember what it came back as. I was starting my senior year of high school and I just kind of forgot about it. If the results are on a point scale, what is the likely hood that i just have so much wrong with me at the time that the results come back positive? I read something that mono is in the same family? Shewwww...I'm sorry for bombarding you with questions, i just have so many things that need to be answered, and I just can't get a doctor to sit down and talk to me...

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She did a culture and blood test and told me they both came back positive, I couldn't get a printout because they wouldn't see me again, she wouldn't even talk to me on the phone, the only person I got to talk to was the lady that gives out the results...

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She did a culture and blood test and told me they both came back positive, I couldn't get a printout because they wouldn't see me again, she wouldn't even talk to me on the phone, the only person I got to talk to was the lady that gives out the results...

Is this your regular doctor?

That is really horrible, whether it's your regular doc or not. You paid for those tests and you are entitled to those printouts. Since your mom knows about the fact that you have herpes, would she possibly be willing to go with you to demand those printouts? It might be easy for them to blow off a young girl like you, but perhaps they would be more cooperative when faced with your mom. (That depends on how assertive your mom is, of course.)

If that won't work, I guess the only recourse is for you to go ahead and find a different doctor or clinic. Then you can make sure the tests you get done are TYPED.

Sorry you are going through all this additional BS with the medical community. So much for them being "caregivers." :madd:

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No, this was not my regular doctor, my moms friend works at this womens clinic about an hour from my house and she made me go there. I would have went to my regular doctor, but unfortunatly i live in a very small town and i know that alot of people would have known if i went to my regular doctor. My mom just wants me to leave it alone. She says it doesnt matter what kind i have, just that i have it. Believe me she is VERY assertive, but when it comes to this, shes just not. My boyfriend and I are going to a different clinic today, and I'm pretty sure it is one that specializes in things like this, hopefully the doctors there can give me much more insight. Oh and it turns out too that the lady that saw me is just a physicians assistant? WHAT! my mom told me i was going to the best DOCTOR...but shes not even close. I'm just going to keep going to different clinics and doctors until i hear what i need to hear! Doctors are horrible, they are so into the money and stuff that they forget that what they do can affect the people their treatings lives dramatically. I want to thank you so much for talking to me about this, you have no idea how much you have helped me, I got more answers from you than I have anyone! Thank you so much.

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I'm sorry your mom wants you to leave it alone. Getting the families to understand how this could happen is probably the only way they are going to accept it. If you don't find out the type, that is going to be hard to do. If it is HSV1, and both of you have it, that makes everything so obvious (how this could happen without either one of you cheating on the other).

Take care and I hope this clinic knows what they are doing. It is really sad that folks have to worry about small town gossip when it comes to medical stuff. There are LAWS that are supposed to prevent that!!!

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Thanks a lot for everything...I went to another doctor yesterday. She said that all my symptoms didn't add up to herpes. She said that even with my tests coming back positive that she didn't think it was herpes...I have another appointment with the doctor and she thinks that it is more likely that i have something else related to herpes but not herpes...idk, she made me feel a lot better and she sat down and talked to me and my boyfriend both and talked to us about it, and she was very upset to hear how our families are acting towards us about it. The whole reason we went to this doctor was because we wanted my BF to get a blood test, but she said there was no reason to until she looks at me first and does tests of her own. I even called the first clinic I went to, trying to get records and they wouldn't even talk to me and said that it would be a while until they could even give them to me...wtf? I had to leave a message and the lady at the desk said she was sure the medical records lady would call me back before the office closed at five...she never did? This place is sooooo sketchy, I would recommend that no one go there, period...

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Everything you told us about the first place sounds weird. The way they are treating you is absolutely wrong.

But I have to say, I'm not real sure about this second place. I hope it works out better than it sounds so far.

Please don't get your heart set on this new doc determining that you do not have herpes. It may be true, if the first place used faulty testing methods. But what are the odds that both a swab/culture and a blood test would give you a false positive at the same time? I don't believe they are real high. I hope so, for your sake. But please be open to the possibility that you do have herpes. You know, we have discussed the way that might have happened by your boyfriend having oral herpes since he was a kid. It is a very, very likely scenario.

Anyway, I do hope things work out as well as possible. Please keep us posted, okay?

By the way, it is not at all unusual for a doctor's office to say they will call you back, but not do it. You just have to keep on them -- be the squeaky wheel.

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    • sgt98
      Hey @WilsoInAus ok thank you, I will do my best to move on and stop trawling forums haha. 
    • WilsoInAus
      Hey @sgt98 but there is no feasible infection or outbreak to suppress and antivirals do not suppress an initial outbreak in any event 
    • sgt98
      Thanks @WilsoInAus I understand apologies for this but the only other thing I am worried about is that I did take a course of Famvir on day 1 as I felt like I was having an outbreak of cold sores and am worried that has suppressed the initial outbreak genitally 
    • WilsoInAus
      Hi @sgt98 it is not feasible to obtain a HSV-2 infection from receiving oral sex - only HSV-1 is feasible but you've already got that and immunity from any further infection with HSV-1. You do not need any further tests for HSV. You're feeling regret, try to forgive yourself and calm down, let the rational take over. You know the answer here and it won't be long until you believe it too.
    • WilsoInAus
      Hi @NerdP423 and welcome to the website. You raise a lot of points and I think the best way to address your concerns is add some comments at each key point. I've copied your note again below and added these comments in square brackets. I appreciate any insight (even speculation) as to what has been going on with me. I'm a 37y/o M. I last was intimate with a new partner on 2/11/2022, and a few days later started having a huge amount of discomfort in my face. [The first thing that happens though is that herpes causes lesions or at least some skin based disruption. Other symptoms are then related to the actions of the immune system responding to the virus. Without lesions, it is highly questionable that the ailment is related to herpes, yet testing is useful if you have concerns as you have done so.] About a month after that [herpes causes issues within days, if the first 'symptoms' are a month later - its extremely unlikely they are related to herpes], significant discomfort downstairs, however every test I have ever taken for HSV 1 and 2 has been negative. Here are the details: Face: Previously, some significant tingling and itching on the right side of my mouth, lips and chin (still there, but milder) [herpes does not cause general tingling and itching, it can cause a reasonably concentrated feeling of itch/throb from which a herpes lesion appears within hours]. Occasional hot flashes near my right eye, cheek and ear [herpes does not do this, it may be a immune response to something, or stress]. Sometimes it will feel like the skin is crawling on the right side of my face [herpes does not cause a general crawling sensation]. Never seen anything that looked like a traditional cold sore [that's extremely telling, even people with associated atypical symptoms will have experienced herpes lesions]. Occasionally, the left side of my face will have a momentary feeling of skin crawling, but it's so mild that I am not really worried about it. Downstairs: Thankfully, most of these are now milder than they were before. Occasional momentary pinch of pain at the base of my genitals. [herpes does not cause a general pinch feeling.] Aching pain in my boxer area (groin, leg folds) [nor this] Occasional feeling of cold in my boxer area, butt, or lower back. ( also in my shins and occasionally even my arms) [nor this] On 4/30/2022, I had been in discomfort for almost two months. I scratched an itch, noticed it hurt, and then checked - I did have an open ulcer down there. Took myself to the ER to get swabbed, came back negative. [If this was a PCR then this will be very conclusive.] Practitioner said it may come back negative because it was already open. However the lab report noted that it definitely didn't look like what you'd expect a typical first herpes outbreak to look like [how would the lab know??]. All blood tests negative so far. I had two western blots, the second one was nine months after exposure. [Two negative Westernblots!!! Many that's real convincing]. All other swabs also negative. I went to urgent care, because I know the timeliness of when the Swab is taken matters. One time, a swab was not done, because practitioner said it was folliculitis and wouldn't swab it (It was at my belt line). [Belt line is highly unlikely to relate to herpes.]   A blood test revealed I had low-ish B12 (technically in range, but at the very low end, especially for a man of my size). I had a series of B12 injections, and I am taking a B12 supplement. I am not taking any lysine or arginine at the moment. I was taking the Arganine to see if I could induce an outbreak. [This is irrelevant, there is no known linkage between herpes outbreaks and arginine/lysine intake - its a myth - and B12 infers nothing.] I think what I am asking is - has anyone here ever repeatedly tested negative over and over again over long period of time, before getting a definitive answer, be a positive test, or something else? [The answer to this is: Extremely few people with a HSV-1 infection and even more rarely HSV-2 test repeatedly negative on Westernblot and actually carry the virus. Of the cases that I know of that had delayed detection by a swab and negative blood tests in the meantime (and that's only 3-4 cases), they had some form of lesions within days of infection but did not obtain a swab for various reasons and then obtained a positive swab of a subsequent lesion with the record being 11 months later. A couple of the cases did have some 'background' symptoms they thought might be related to herpes but that isn't ascertained and some did not have any unusual symptoms at all apart from the lesions. Hence as you did not have lesions around your mouth or lips within days of the last sexual encounter as is exceptionally common for a primary oral HSV-1 infection, that pretty much rules out herpes orally as it is. The fact that you had no genital symptoms for a month also rules out genital herpes. I am not aware of anyone at all who has genuinely gone on to test positive by swab or blood in your specific circumstances. There are hundreds if not more than a thousand experiences on this website alone that are similar to yours that are truly negative for herpes I'm one of them!]  
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