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Lynnie213

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Lynnie213 Honeycomb Member

Lynnie213

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Well, this is a new one for me. I never thought I would ever be in a chat forum such as this, but I have been through a lot of things this year I never thought I would have to go through.

I have just recently gotten back into 'dating' and now I believe I have the virus. I am going to the doctor to confirm tomorrow, but I'm 99% sure that I will have herpes. Just when I was starting to get the hang of dating! There are lots of new rules I was unaware of in today's time. Since I am a woman in my 40's and STDs and HIV have never really been too much of an issue in my life, I never gave thougt to using protection. Well, I think I have learned that lesson the hard way. If I find out I don't have herpes, I have still learned my lesson... but like I said, I'm sure that is what it is! I will be leaning on you guys for support since I will have a lot of learning to do! 201 has been a bad year for me.... thank goodness it is over with after tommorrow!

Lynnie213

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JBnATL Platinum Support Member

JBnATL

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Don't assume you have herpes until you get a diagnosis from a medical professional. There are dozens of virus' and bacteria that can cause similar symptoms.

If you do have herpes it is really no big deal. The longer you have it the better it gets. I have had it many years and it has not stopped me from doing anything or anyone I wanted.

Good luck tomorrow!

JB

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Lynnie213 Honeycomb Member

Lynnie213

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Well... the verdict is in, and it came back as I suspected.... POSITIVE. The doctor I saw was very informative, so that was helpful. She has given me a script to get this current outbreak under control, and a script to take on a daily basis. The real kicker... I have no insurance! So, tonight I get to explore websites and find a script that I can actually afford. I nearly fell out in the floor when the pharmacy tech told me $290 for both scripts! To say the least, I only got the one to get the current outbreak under control... then I will call the doc back on Monday and explore other options with her. Until then, research, research, research.

Kinda interesting how the doctor won't really say that I may have gotten this from my most recent 'partner'. As you recommended, I asked for a full blood workup. This will show if the antibodies are in my blood (thus possibly indicating whether or not I have had this condition for awhile and just dind't know it or not). I also requested a full spectrum of other tests to be done... including HIV. I may as well know what I am dealing with up front.

Mentally, I am feeling ok with it all... surprisingly. I suppose with everything else I have been through this year, this doesn't really compare in any way. This is minor compared to loosing my fiance' to suicide earlier in the year. But now I have to wonder.... could he have had this and I just didn't know? The wheels in my mind just keep turning with the possibilities...

The doctor mentioned that everyone in 'this situation' wants someone to blame. Honestly, I only blame myself for my own stupidity and ignorance. I should know better. I preach it to my 19 year old son all the time!

So, first dose of medicine down.... let the physical healing begin! The 'new man' is out of town with family for New Years. Hopefully I will have all of my test results back before he gets home, so I will have a better idea of how to approach things. Whether I 'got it' from him or not... I have to tell him.

The doctor also mentioned that most men who get this don't know it. She mentioned that it is often mistaken for things like Jock Itch.... is that true? I just can't imagine anyone not seeking medical attention if they had such a condition.... unless it is purely embarrassment. I will certainly admit to feeling embarrassed... and feeling like pure trash! I can only guess that is normal as well.

I look forward to advice.... I will certainly need some ideas on how to 'break the news' to the new guy!!

Thanks,

Lynnie213

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FiorellaKW Honeycomb Member

FiorellaKW

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Lynnie... you have the right attitude... and I'm happy you are dealing with it as what it is... a skin condition. You are so right to educate yourself and well... welcome to the club, you'll beet some of the most wonderful people here. :)

come to chat, let's talk.

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Naive Newbie

Naive

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Hi Lynnie, I too am a woman in her 40's. I do not date very often and prefer monogomous relationships. However, I think I made a bad choice this time. I tried internet dating which was a disaster. I dated a man for six months before we decided to become initmate. We had discussed our sexual history and health and had gained a level of trust. When we slept together we used protection but not all the time. At any rate it turns out he was a prevaricator. He knew he had the virus and exposed me as well. This is all new to me.

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Cool Ray Newbie

Cool Ray

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Hi Lynnie. Today, the girl I've been dating told me that she has a mild form of herpes, whatever that means. I appreciate her honesty and want to try to stay in the relationship. How worried should I be? How easy is herpes transmitted. Sex is very important to me and I want to get as much as I can but I'm a little nervous about getting herpes. Am I naive? Should I get out of this relationship? I don't want to do that but I'm worried that I could get it, then our relationship fails. Then I have it and then I will be shunned by the dating community. Any advice?

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RealisticGal Platinum Support Member

RealisticGal

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I thought I would throw a few tidbits of info out there for you new folks, in response to some of the comments in this thread...

Lynnie, is your "diagnosis" so far based only on a visual exam by the doctor? If so, just be aware that is the least reliable means of diagnosing herpes. Many other conditions can look like herpes and vice versa. There is about a 20% error rate with visual exam. The CDC recommends that all diagnoses of herpes simplex be confirmed by laboratory tests.

If you are getting blood tests done, be sure they are type specific and IgG-based. IgM-only tests are old technology which is unreliable.

As far as medications, acyclovir is available from a number of different stores for $4/month.

Condoms are a good idea, but they don't protect 100% against the transmission of herpes simplex virus. The virus can be shed from all of the skin of the genital area, which is the area that could be covered by a pair of boxer shorts. So you can see, quite a bit of acreage goes uncovered by a condom.

Also, herpes can be transmitted by way of oral sex if a person has oral herpes (also known as cold sores or fever blisters). Since about 80% of the adult population of North America is estimated to have oral herpes, but about 70% of those don't know it, you can see how easily that might happen.

Herpes can be a "mild" infection for some folks, in that they have minimal or no recognizable symptoms. However, just because a person has a mild course of the virus does not mean that anyone they might transmit it to will have similarly mild symptoms. That person might have a much more severe time with it.

Cool Ray, don't let herpes define that gal. Look at who she really is. Consider her great qualities and her not so great qualities, not the fact that she happens to have a stupid virus that is very common. A non-life-threatening virus that causes a skin condition is not a reason to get out of a relationship, not if you have good reasons to stay in the relationship.

How long has she had herpes? The longer she has it, the less she will be likely to shed as often. Is she taking antiviral medications? They help reduce viral shedding by about 50%.

You can learn a lot about how herpes is spread and how to prevent transmission from the links on the right side of this page.

It is usually pretty difficult to pinpoint when/from whom a person got herpes. The fact that herpes can be asymptomatic and unrecognized, plus can lay dormant for years before showing a primary outbreak, make it really difficult to know for sure.

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Lynnie213 Honeycomb Member

Lynnie213

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Well, my exam was visual... but they also did a culture where they 'scrapped' one of the blisters and viewed under a microscope (can anyone say OUCH!!). So, they also did the blood work, which I will have the results next week. I know this is what I have... so now I just have to educate myself on how to deal with it! I started antibiotics yesterday, so hopefully my outbreak will start to heal up soon. As with most viruses, I expected it to get worse before it gets better... and boy oh boy am I suffering today! Can't say I plan to do too much moving around! I feel like I did after having my first baby, who was 9.5 pounds! Major ouch! Hope to feel a little better by Monday when I have to go back to work at sit at my desk all day... LOL. So today I will try to find ways to 'soothe' the pain until things start getting better.

Thanks for the info on the meds. I will be calling the doc back on Monday to get a script for that one. No way can I afford the $300 per month for the other one she wrote - and that WAS generic! On top of this new adventure I am going through... I also have a sore throat - could this be related? Just checking!!

Thanks,

Lynnie

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Lynnie213 Honeycomb Member

Lynnie213

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Hi there,

I can certainly understand your concerns with the girl you are dating, however, since I am new at this I have no advice to give. I am just now experiencing my first outbreak of the virus, and haven't even confronted the guy I believe to be the one I contracted this from. Fortunately for me, he has been out of town with family for the New Years holiday, so I have time to 'recover' before I see him. By then, I am hoping to have my formal blood tests back from the doctor so I can show him.

I do not know what I would do if I were in your shoes... honestly. I suppose it depends on if you are in love with this girl or not. If you truly love her... then educate yourself on how you can protect yourself during intercourse. If you plan to spend the rest of your life with this woman... then there are far worse things you can do than contract a simple virus. H is NOT the end of the world by any means, it only means you have to make a few adjustments in your lifestyle. I have to admit, if I had known 'the new man in my life' had this virus... I don't know that I would have slept with him. I would have probably run the other way in all honesty... but that is me. I haven't yet given him my heart..... just the other parts!! LOL

Whatever you decide... YOU have to live with your decision. I don't believe that love is something that only comes along once in a life time. I believe you can fall in love several times, although the love may be different. For me, I lost the love of my life (or the one I believed I would be with forever) last year in April. Life without him has been very difficult... but I am a survivor. If I can survive loosing him.... my best friend, my confidant, my lover... I can survive anything. I know I will find love again.... even with the H virus!!

Be strong... and be honest with yourself as to how you really feel for this person. Only you can make the decision!

Best of Luck,

Lynnie

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RealisticGal Platinum Support Member

RealisticGal

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So today I will try to find ways to 'soothe' the pain until things start getting better.

Have you tried Epsom Salt baths?

Numbing cream with lidocaine or xylocaine or the like?

Diaper ointment with zinc in it?

Thanks for the info on the meds. I will be calling the doc back on Monday to get a script for that one. No way can I afford the $300 per month for the other one she wrote - and that WAS generic!

Thanks,

Lynnie

Some of the places that I seem to recall having the $4/month program include Walgreen's, Target, WalMart, Kroger, CVS, Kmart. Hopefully one of those is accessible for you.

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Lynnie213 Honeycomb Member

Lynnie213

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Yep... called the doc today and had her change the script and call it in to Walmart. I know the cheaper meds have to be taken more often, but that is better than paying out money I just don't have right now!

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