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Diagnosed 24 years ago, have I been foolish?


Saphy

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Diagnosed 24 years ago, now single, have I been foolish?

Can anyone advise? I feel terrible as a friend has just informed me she has herpes and I think it may be my fault. Here's my story..24 years ago I was diagnosed with herpes soon after starting a relationship. This was my first sexual relationship in two years so presumed it was from my new partner. We eventually married and stayed together for 18. I never had another breakout and his must have been dormant as he said he was not aware of ever having it. 6 years ago we split up and I started another relationship which although we still have sex now and then ended 2 years ago. He has never suffered from herpes and to be honest, i never thought about it as a problem because it seemed it was so far in the past. 18 months ago I had unprotected sex with a couple, old friends. She has just informed me that she was recently diagnosed and I am worried it's my fault. She has been monogomose with her partner but he has probably not been. Could I have infected him? Now I am single, how should I proceed with future relationships?

Any help/advise would be gratefully received, I feel sick and stupid.

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The answer is you will never know if she got if because of you or her partner got it from someone else. So since you will never know, stop beating yourself up over this.

The longer you have it the less you are contagious so the chances are she probably got it from him via someone else.

In regards to future relationships, dont let this stop you from dating whomever you want. Since there is a very small chance that you can still pass it along you should inform them of your status. Also inform them that it is more difficult for a guy to get it from a girl than vice versa and tell them if you take antivirals daily you can cut the small risk of transmission by a further 50%.

I have had this many years and have been with many women and never passed it along. You can live a normal life with this, I know, I have.

Come to the Chat Room, there you will find many nice Herpsters who can offer you their support.

Good luck!

JB

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  • 4 weeks later...
  • 3 weeks later...

WoW! I didn't know the longer you have it, the less contagious you are.

I wouldn't beat myself over that situation, cause as the above statement mentioned, you will never know. Your friends and your partner could have gotten it from anybody. Especially your partner, b/c males rarely have symptoms with stds. So who knows. So to answer your question, NO, you are not foolish! : ) A lil paranoid maybe...lol

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  • 3 weeks later...
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Hi, I just joined this site and was intrigued by the idea that the longer you have the virus, the less likely you are to pass it on. I have had it for about 25 years. I have not had an outbreak in about 5 years. My immune system seems to be very healthy these days thanks to good nutrition.

I has divorced about 6 months ago and have been afraid to date because of this issue. Recently I met someone who is becoming very close, but I've been so afraid to tell him about my condition. He does not have herpes and I'm afraid he will reject me when he knows about it. If it's true that you are less contagious the longer you have it, then that would be very helpful information to give him.

Are there any statistics out there about the chances of transmission and the length of time a person has the disease? I do know that the chances of transmission from men to women, while taking anti-virals and while no lesions are present is about 2%, and about 1% from women to men, also while taking anti-virals and having no lesions.

If anyone has any solid statistics, I'd really like to hear them.

Thanks

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  • 3 weeks later...

Was wondering if you informed the couple of your status before you had sex with them?

The person who gave me herpes has had it for 25 years, and did not tell me because he felt that the condom we were using and the fact that he hadn't had an OB in 9 months meant I wouldn't get it and wouldn't be at risk. i contracted it orally from giving him oral sex, and in all areas of my genitals not covered by condom. I have since passed the oral infection to my son, as I did not know I had contracted it until he informed me a month later.

Just a thought. We should all be careful. His "guilt" at having infected me cannot come close to my guilt of infecting my child.

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    • sgt98
      Hey @WilsoInAus ok thank you, I will do my best to move on and stop trawling forums haha. 
    • WilsoInAus
      Hey @sgt98 but there is no feasible infection or outbreak to suppress and antivirals do not suppress an initial outbreak in any event 
    • sgt98
      Thanks @WilsoInAus I understand apologies for this but the only other thing I am worried about is that I did take a course of Famvir on day 1 as I felt like I was having an outbreak of cold sores and am worried that has suppressed the initial outbreak genitally 
    • WilsoInAus
      Hi @sgt98 it is not feasible to obtain a HSV-2 infection from receiving oral sex - only HSV-1 is feasible but you've already got that and immunity from any further infection with HSV-1. You do not need any further tests for HSV. You're feeling regret, try to forgive yourself and calm down, let the rational take over. You know the answer here and it won't be long until you believe it too.
    • WilsoInAus
      Hi @NerdP423 and welcome to the website. You raise a lot of points and I think the best way to address your concerns is add some comments at each key point. I've copied your note again below and added these comments in square brackets. I appreciate any insight (even speculation) as to what has been going on with me. I'm a 37y/o M. I last was intimate with a new partner on 2/11/2022, and a few days later started having a huge amount of discomfort in my face. [The first thing that happens though is that herpes causes lesions or at least some skin based disruption. Other symptoms are then related to the actions of the immune system responding to the virus. Without lesions, it is highly questionable that the ailment is related to herpes, yet testing is useful if you have concerns as you have done so.] About a month after that [herpes causes issues within days, if the first 'symptoms' are a month later - its extremely unlikely they are related to herpes], significant discomfort downstairs, however every test I have ever taken for HSV 1 and 2 has been negative. Here are the details: Face: Previously, some significant tingling and itching on the right side of my mouth, lips and chin (still there, but milder) [herpes does not cause general tingling and itching, it can cause a reasonably concentrated feeling of itch/throb from which a herpes lesion appears within hours]. Occasional hot flashes near my right eye, cheek and ear [herpes does not do this, it may be a immune response to something, or stress]. Sometimes it will feel like the skin is crawling on the right side of my face [herpes does not cause a general crawling sensation]. Never seen anything that looked like a traditional cold sore [that's extremely telling, even people with associated atypical symptoms will have experienced herpes lesions]. Occasionally, the left side of my face will have a momentary feeling of skin crawling, but it's so mild that I am not really worried about it. Downstairs: Thankfully, most of these are now milder than they were before. Occasional momentary pinch of pain at the base of my genitals. [herpes does not cause a general pinch feeling.] Aching pain in my boxer area (groin, leg folds) [nor this] Occasional feeling of cold in my boxer area, butt, or lower back. ( also in my shins and occasionally even my arms) [nor this] On 4/30/2022, I had been in discomfort for almost two months. I scratched an itch, noticed it hurt, and then checked - I did have an open ulcer down there. Took myself to the ER to get swabbed, came back negative. 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I was taking the Arganine to see if I could induce an outbreak. [This is irrelevant, there is no known linkage between herpes outbreaks and arginine/lysine intake - its a myth - and B12 infers nothing.] I think what I am asking is - has anyone here ever repeatedly tested negative over and over again over long period of time, before getting a definitive answer, be a positive test, or something else? [The answer to this is: Extremely few people with a HSV-1 infection and even more rarely HSV-2 test repeatedly negative on Westernblot and actually carry the virus. 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There are hundreds if not more than a thousand experiences on this website alone that are similar to yours that are truly negative for herpes I'm one of them!]  
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