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Saphy

Diagnosed 24 years ago, have I been foolish?

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Saphy

Diagnosed 24 years ago, now single, have I been foolish?

Can anyone advise? I feel terrible as a friend has just informed me she has herpes and I think it may be my fault. Here's my story..24 years ago I was diagnosed with herpes soon after starting a relationship. This was my first sexual relationship in two years so presumed it was from my new partner. We eventually married and stayed together for 18. I never had another breakout and his must have been dormant as he said he was not aware of ever having it. 6 years ago we split up and I started another relationship which although we still have sex now and then ended 2 years ago. He has never suffered from herpes and to be honest, i never thought about it as a problem because it seemed it was so far in the past. 18 months ago I had unprotected sex with a couple, old friends. She has just informed me that she was recently diagnosed and I am worried it's my fault. She has been monogomose with her partner but he has probably not been. Could I have infected him? Now I am single, how should I proceed with future relationships?

Any help/advise would be gratefully received, I feel sick and stupid.

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JBnATL

The answer is you will never know if she got if because of you or her partner got it from someone else. So since you will never know, stop beating yourself up over this.

The longer you have it the less you are contagious so the chances are she probably got it from him via someone else.

In regards to future relationships, dont let this stop you from dating whomever you want. Since there is a very small chance that you can still pass it along you should inform them of your status. Also inform them that it is more difficult for a guy to get it from a girl than vice versa and tell them if you take antivirals daily you can cut the small risk of transmission by a further 50%.

I have had this many years and have been with many women and never passed it along. You can live a normal life with this, I know, I have.

Come to the Chat Room, there you will find many nice Herpsters who can offer you their support.

Good luck!

JB

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sunglasses

living with guilt of infecting someone is worse then dieing

especially if you cared for that person more then anything

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TheWorstNewsofMyLife2711

WoW! I didn't know the longer you have it, the less contagious you are.

I wouldn't beat myself over that situation, cause as the above statement mentioned, you will never know. Your friends and your partner could have gotten it from anybody. Especially your partner, b/c males rarely have symptoms with stds. So who knows. So to answer your question, NO, you are not foolish! : ) A lil paranoid maybe...lol

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alone0140

JB, you are so wise. Thank you so much for your kind words and support.

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loveoutdoors

thanks for the great questions and answers i just found i got it n this info really helps me think a lil positive

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Artemisia

Hi, I just joined this site and was intrigued by the idea that the longer you have the virus, the less likely you are to pass it on. I have had it for about 25 years. I have not had an outbreak in about 5 years. My immune system seems to be very healthy these days thanks to good nutrition.

I has divorced about 6 months ago and have been afraid to date because of this issue. Recently I met someone who is becoming very close, but I've been so afraid to tell him about my condition. He does not have herpes and I'm afraid he will reject me when he knows about it. If it's true that you are less contagious the longer you have it, then that would be very helpful information to give him.

Are there any statistics out there about the chances of transmission and the length of time a person has the disease? I do know that the chances of transmission from men to women, while taking anti-virals and while no lesions are present is about 2%, and about 1% from women to men, also while taking anti-virals and having no lesions.

If anyone has any solid statistics, I'd really like to hear them.

Thanks

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Noirony

Was wondering if you informed the couple of your status before you had sex with them?

The person who gave me herpes has had it for 25 years, and did not tell me because he felt that the condom we were using and the fact that he hadn't had an OB in 9 months meant I wouldn't get it and wouldn't be at risk. i contracted it orally from giving him oral sex, and in all areas of my genitals not covered by condom. I have since passed the oral infection to my son, as I did not know I had contracted it until he informed me a month later.

Just a thought. We should all be careful. His "guilt" at having infected me cannot come close to my guilt of infecting my child.

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      I wouldn’t because that would be outing myself as well unfortunately. It just sucks because our mutual friends have no clue why I carry such resentment towards him, and wonder why they can’t even bring up his name around me anymore. Im sure they think I’m a crazy jealous person who is hurt things didn’t work out or that I’m being dramatic for no reason. I can’t explain to or confide in anyone but the users on this forum.
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