Jump to content
World's Largest Herpes Support Group
Sign in to follow this  
whoopywoo

Can't go on like this

Recommended Posts

whoopywoo

I was diagnosed with having HSV2 Dec2009. I had my first outbreak Oct 2003 about 1 month after starting a new relationship, so I am assuming my giver was the BF in question. I had flu like symptoms and horrendous, itching burning and sores down there, but my GP diagnosed it as Trichamonis. Trusting what she said, off I went with the antibiotics she gave me and them 'working' coinsided with my outbreak ending I'm assuming. Getting tested regularly for sti's (other than herpes as it's not routine), I had unprotected sex with 9 men over the course of years leading up to meeting my husband. When I met my husband in 2005 a few months after meeting he had what we thought was thrush from being in the honeymoon period of our realtionship, obviously now I know I have hsv2, I am assuming this was his primary episode. There has been one time since when he has had a sore and asked me what it possibly could be, and once again we though it was probably from having vigarous sex. Fast forward to 2009, 2 children and 3 years of marriage later, I must of had a few months of getting irritiating spots 'down there'. I do not think I could of had many OB's before this as I like to think alarm bells would of rung before hand. Well, anyway, probably 2-3 outbreaks in as many months make me hting, cold this possibly be GH. Look it up on computer and everything falls into place from my mis-diagnosis to my husbands thrush. Off to my local sexual helath clininc and have a culture done on a sore and it comes back poitive for hsv2. My husband was incredibly supporive and not angry at all. I could not of asked for him to of acted any differently.

That was Dec 2009, fastforward May 2010, out on a girls night out my hand slips down the back of a sofa and I prick my finger on something very sharp. Couldn't see down the back of it to see what it was exactly, more than likely just a staple that had come loose form the fabric. This incident set off a chain of toally irriational thoughts/actions. Ring the pub where we were tot check no dorty needles had been found - they hadn't. I am in healthcare so had my Hep B vaccine anyway. Convince myself I have contracted HIV through this incident, even though I have no proof it could of bene a dirty needle. After sufering seriour panic attacks and anxiety I have a negative HIV test 3/12 after, after seeing my GP and explaing to her. During this time my 4 year old has a flare up on his penis. His forskin really swells up and he has a greeny discharge. H esees the GP, wo gives him antibiotics and everything is back to normal in under 36 hours. He had moaned previously on the odd occasion over 2 months that it hurts occasionally when he peed, but it was very sporadically, never consistent or I would of taken him to the GP. 3 months after this he moaned at night about a pain in his willy in the middle at bath time, but said almost straight away it had gone the next morning, there is a bloody discharge in his urine. I take him to see our GP again who diagnoses Balanitis, tells me his forskin is very tight for his age as it was bearly retractable, gives us some cream and stretching exercises and tells us that should work, which so far 3 months later it seems to of. I have my moments of severe worry about passing this on to my children and with my sone having had these episodes, have worried myself to the point where I am sick. My eldest son was 3 when I found I had GH and I had shared numerous baths with him, with him more than likely of having sat on my lap in the bath when he was little. My youngest was 8 months when I was diagnosed and I had shared baths with him too. Since finding out OB or nor OB I have not shared a bath. Do you think it is possible any of my sons have contracted GH from me.

Even after receving the negative HIV results, I am told by my GP that my anxiety should stop. It hasn't, it has just manifested itself in other ways now. I am assuming that I am dealing with the GH dignosis 6 months after receving the news. Even though m and my husband have had GH without knowing it for 6/7 years, I ma now afraid to perofrm oral sex on him, do not want him to touch me and just feel generally repulsed with myself. I am so angry that I have this. That I have carried 2 children unware knwing this,and what could of possibily happened to them had they contracted it. It scares the shit out of me. Me and my Husband has always had a great relationship, where I felt completely content. But now as my anxiety and hate with myself grow, it is driving a huge wedge in my marriage. He does not see why we cannot carry on before we knew GH was in our lives. I try but am afraid of oral sex, do not want him to touch me incase he gets a herptic whitlow etc. I knwo myself I am being paranoid but cannot get past this. I am also dealing with a tremendos amount of guilt thinking whether I passed this on to any past lovers. I have never been informed of this and had I of known I had GH would never of engaged in any kind of sexual activity with anyone of any kind without disclosing. There is one guy I was seeing, I am pretty sure I gave it to as he got a GF after me and she would smile and poitle nod before she got with him if ever we passed each other, nw she scowls at me and I am assuning this is why, but then if so, why didn't he tell me!

Sorry if this is babbling, but I have barey slept as I think this diagnosis is slowly ruining my life - my marriage is growing apart, and I am scared around my kids- scared of aking them swimming incase they want to cling me in the water - scared of going on holiday, incase the sit on my knee when I have swimsuit on. It's destroying me.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
d00m kitty

Big hugs whoopywoo

I'm thinking perhaps it would be a good idea for you to see a counsellor. The whole herpes 'thing' is consuming you & like you said, it's slowing ruining your life. You need help.

This place is a wonderful site, lots of info on the right >>>>, great forum & there's the chat room too.

Anxiety is an awful thing to deal with to, I have it, and I've had it for a good 1/2 of my life ie 20 years plus and it's not related to herpes since that's a recent event. Anxiety can definitely take over..........

Hugs

xx

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
AquariusAngel

Hello whoopywoo and welcome. I am sorry to hear you are having such a terrible time of it. It was good to read that your husband has only been supportive and not at all angry. My guess is that it's because he fully understands that it was completely by accident that you both ended up with herpes. You must try to look at it the same way especially since you have mentioned it is now affecting your marriage. If it's anyone's fault its that doctor you saw back in 2003 who did not do any tests on it.

Of course the needle scare would have only exasperated your anxiety at the time. 'If' your son is not circumcised, then he would be more prone to infections which I am sure that is all he had. Good to hear that has all cleared up for him now.

You are not the first, and certainly won't be the last parent to fear passing this on to your child. It is normal to feel that way but don't let it stop you being the mum you love to be. Your kids will not have contracted herpes just by sitting in the bath with you, even if you had an outbreak it would not be likely, although we advise not sharing a bath or towels during an outbreak. It's just a precaution.

As both you and your husband have genital herpes, you can't get it again, therefore oral sex is perfectly fine. As you fear him getting whitlow, well perhaps keep touching to a minimum down there during an outbreak. You can touch each other everywhere else :)

There are also many mums on this site who have delivered children perfectly normally and healthily.

It can be difficult to sort an issue out in your relationship when you both feel differently about something. I can see why your husband has said that he feels your relationship should be no different now. I would be thinking that I would never ever want something such as a retard named Herp to come between my happiness. You have no reason to feel guilt regarding past lovers either. You didn't know you had it so try not to beat yourself up about it. Herpes is an opportunist..so as soon as we are stressed, tired or sick..he comes out to play. I have no doubt that is why you are having constant outbreaks at present.

Remember too that it is a skin virus, nothing more than. When we get outbreaks, yes precautions must be taken but other than that don't forget to live your life! Go on those holidays, take your kids swimming and let them sit on your lap. Never stop being a mum. The only way you will ever transmit the virus is through 'skin to skin' contact.

Knowledge is power so read up to the right of here. There is some very helpful information there. Once you start learning to deal with it all and understand it better, you will lose that anxiety because 'you' will be in control of it all. Your husband and kids are the most important thing in your world..hold on to them and don't let go.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  

Advertisement

Try a Lysine supplement for cold sores

  • The Hive is Thriving!

    • Total Topics
      68,280
    • Total Posts
      455,775
  • Posts

    • Chicken23
      Kelly bean yes I had an ulcer in my mouth. I know it' unusual but as soon as he had told me that I got it swabbed and it came back positive. Then I had a blood test and that came back positive as well.   Anon222 Thank you it's just incredibly difficult thing to deal with. Especially being such a new thing to me.  It will change things though. I will never rest easy. I will always be worried about getting another one come up, I will have to pay expenses for preventative measures. I will have to tell everyone that wants to kiss me (not that I go around just kissing people but as this is life long never know how many people that may be) so it will be changing a lotg for me. I will never feel comfortable just kissing someone anymore. I will always be worried about passing it onto them. It changes my whole life. I will never be able to kiss a new born baby (If I ever have another child)  I will not be able to do so many things without stress and worry for the rest of my life:( 
    • Anon222
      Hey there Chicken, I agree with what helpme said. Really no one cares about OHSV-1. Not to diminish your feelings but I just want you to know that it’s going to be okay. You honestly don’t have to worry about this at all. As he also said you are now in the MAJORITY of people. Please just go on living your normal life this should not change anything at all! Good luck! 
    • helpme12345
      I know blood test doesn't tell location. I know i have it orally since i had it as a child but i dont have any breakouts at all, the last breakout i remember was inside my lips when i was a kid. Like me my friends and my gf we are all asymptomatic orally. im just worried if the above mention symptoms say i have ghsv1?  and about disclosure im happy to tell. im not scared of it im just worried if i got it in the genitals, although all my doctors say im fine.
    • Hairpees
      I don’t understand this post. You seem highly concerned of having herpes for someone who already tested positive for herpes. Your girlfriend has tested positive for herpes. What more is there to freak out about? Blood tests do not tell you location, are you worried if you break up how you will handle disclosure To someone else? That’s where I’m getting confused. 
    • mconcerned1986
      Tested negative for both 1&2 for western blot. 
×

Important Information

We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue.