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I just learned that I have contracted Herpes from my husband, who I have been with for 6 years. I am confused and have a million questions running through my mind. I have an enormous amount of clear, watery discharge, enough to fill a tampon every couple hours, and I thought I had the flu (fever of 102, chills, body aches, dizziness, headache, sore throat), then I noticed a blister. I immediately told my husband who said he had a blister a couple weeks before. He noticed it while hunting and thought he had been bitten by a spider or a tick and was too embarrassed to tell me. He said he had a similar blister when he was in college, but that was probably 12 or 13 years ago, so he never suspected he had something he could give me. I do believe him that he would never intentionally put me at risk, he is an emotional mess over the whole thing just as I am.

But while he has a single blister after over a decade of no outbreaks, I could not get out of bed for 2 days! I have 2 little kids, I can't be this sick on a regular basis. If you got flu-like symptoms with your first outbreak, do you get it every time? I am just scared how this virus will affect me, how often I can expect outbreaks and how severe. Right now the blister is the least of my discomforts.

Since we both have it now, do we still need to be careful during outbreaks or does it matter? Will he have an outbreak because I do and we have sex?

I am really glad I found this site as I feel really alone right now. I know I can talk to my husband but I can't tell anyone else. I never thought I would have to worry about something like this after years of being married. We were thinking of trying for another baby soon, and I worry that this will prohibit a vaginal birth. I also worry about spreading it to other areas of my body if I don't wash my hands well enough, or somehow spreading it to the kids even though I know this isn't likely. Thank you for reading, and advice is welcome.

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everyone is different as for outbreaks and how many toimes they get a ob. The first time is always the worse. I had herpies for almost 2 years and i had 2 outbreaks the first was really bad and painful the 2nd i barely noticed. some people never have another outbreak after the first time and others have then all the time.

I do not tAKE meds for my outbreaks. I rfeally try to ingnore it as much as passible

as for sex no need for a rubber . you both already have it you cant give it back to each other

I have herpies 2 until very recently when i got smart and dumped my exboyfriend who knew and gave me herpies, we stoped using condums after he infected me. the only thing different we did was oral sex. we used a condum for oral sex on him and as for me we did away with oral sex for me and did other things.

as for having more babies do not be afraid have another just inform your obritian that you have herpies and he will advise you what to do and will probably put you on repressive meds just before you give birth. beleive it or not a lot of wemon give birth vaginally without passing herpies to the baby and if worse vcoomnes to worse they will do a c-section.

now give your hubby a kiss and go make a baby

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Thank you both so much for taking the time to respond. I know I won't actually GET the flu, I just meant the flu-like symptoms. It is good to know that maybe I won't get them every time. And I read that I can spread the virus to other areas by touching it and then touching my eye or mouth, so I didn't know if I could infect another part of him if I have an outbreak.

I do agree that we are lucky that we both have it and have each other, as I feel for those that have to date and explain it to each potential partner. I guess hubby would feel quite embarrassed and alone if he did find out it wasn't just a bug bite but that I didn't have it yet, and then we would always be worried about it spreading, so I guess it's good we got it over with. We were going to try for a baby in just a few months, I just can't help but wonder, what if I had caught it during pregnancy and didn't know and they baby would have a 50% change of having it?! Or if I got it in the first trimester and the baby had birth defects? That is just so scary that we risked that. I should have had him tested long ago, but then who knows how I would have handled that and we may not have the beautiful babies we have today. Got to believe things happen for a reason I guess.

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I would say to still be careful during outbreaks (although you prob won't want to have sex then anyway :( ) because that is when the virus is most active and you could prolong your outbreak, cross contaminate yourself and add new sores (you'll notice you tend to get the sores in the same area), or cause your husband to get an outbreak (which nobody likes!) or vice versa.

Good luck!

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    • sgt98
      Hey @WilsoInAus ok thank you, I will do my best to move on and stop trawling forums haha. 
    • WilsoInAus
      Hey @sgt98 but there is no feasible infection or outbreak to suppress and antivirals do not suppress an initial outbreak in any event 
    • sgt98
      Thanks @WilsoInAus I understand apologies for this but the only other thing I am worried about is that I did take a course of Famvir on day 1 as I felt like I was having an outbreak of cold sores and am worried that has suppressed the initial outbreak genitally 
    • WilsoInAus
      Hi @sgt98 it is not feasible to obtain a HSV-2 infection from receiving oral sex - only HSV-1 is feasible but you've already got that and immunity from any further infection with HSV-1. You do not need any further tests for HSV. You're feeling regret, try to forgive yourself and calm down, let the rational take over. You know the answer here and it won't be long until you believe it too.
    • WilsoInAus
      Hi @NerdP423 and welcome to the website. You raise a lot of points and I think the best way to address your concerns is add some comments at each key point. I've copied your note again below and added these comments in square brackets. I appreciate any insight (even speculation) as to what has been going on with me. I'm a 37y/o M. I last was intimate with a new partner on 2/11/2022, and a few days later started having a huge amount of discomfort in my face. [The first thing that happens though is that herpes causes lesions or at least some skin based disruption. Other symptoms are then related to the actions of the immune system responding to the virus. Without lesions, it is highly questionable that the ailment is related to herpes, yet testing is useful if you have concerns as you have done so.] About a month after that [herpes causes issues within days, if the first 'symptoms' are a month later - its extremely unlikely they are related to herpes], significant discomfort downstairs, however every test I have ever taken for HSV 1 and 2 has been negative. Here are the details: Face: Previously, some significant tingling and itching on the right side of my mouth, lips and chin (still there, but milder) [herpes does not cause general tingling and itching, it can cause a reasonably concentrated feeling of itch/throb from which a herpes lesion appears within hours]. Occasional hot flashes near my right eye, cheek and ear [herpes does not do this, it may be a immune response to something, or stress]. Sometimes it will feel like the skin is crawling on the right side of my face [herpes does not cause a general crawling sensation]. Never seen anything that looked like a traditional cold sore [that's extremely telling, even people with associated atypical symptoms will have experienced herpes lesions]. Occasionally, the left side of my face will have a momentary feeling of skin crawling, but it's so mild that I am not really worried about it. Downstairs: Thankfully, most of these are now milder than they were before. Occasional momentary pinch of pain at the base of my genitals. [herpes does not cause a general pinch feeling.] Aching pain in my boxer area (groin, leg folds) [nor this] Occasional feeling of cold in my boxer area, butt, or lower back. ( also in my shins and occasionally even my arms) [nor this] On 4/30/2022, I had been in discomfort for almost two months. I scratched an itch, noticed it hurt, and then checked - I did have an open ulcer down there. Took myself to the ER to get swabbed, came back negative. [If this was a PCR then this will be very conclusive.] Practitioner said it may come back negative because it was already open. However the lab report noted that it definitely didn't look like what you'd expect a typical first herpes outbreak to look like [how would the lab know??]. All blood tests negative so far. I had two western blots, the second one was nine months after exposure. [Two negative Westernblots!!! Many that's real convincing]. All other swabs also negative. I went to urgent care, because I know the timeliness of when the Swab is taken matters. One time, a swab was not done, because practitioner said it was folliculitis and wouldn't swab it (It was at my belt line). [Belt line is highly unlikely to relate to herpes.]   A blood test revealed I had low-ish B12 (technically in range, but at the very low end, especially for a man of my size). I had a series of B12 injections, and I am taking a B12 supplement. I am not taking any lysine or arginine at the moment. I was taking the Arganine to see if I could induce an outbreak. [This is irrelevant, there is no known linkage between herpes outbreaks and arginine/lysine intake - its a myth - and B12 infers nothing.] I think what I am asking is - has anyone here ever repeatedly tested negative over and over again over long period of time, before getting a definitive answer, be a positive test, or something else? [The answer to this is: Extremely few people with a HSV-1 infection and even more rarely HSV-2 test repeatedly negative on Westernblot and actually carry the virus. Of the cases that I know of that had delayed detection by a swab and negative blood tests in the meantime (and that's only 3-4 cases), they had some form of lesions within days of infection but did not obtain a swab for various reasons and then obtained a positive swab of a subsequent lesion with the record being 11 months later. A couple of the cases did have some 'background' symptoms they thought might be related to herpes but that isn't ascertained and some did not have any unusual symptoms at all apart from the lesions. Hence as you did not have lesions around your mouth or lips within days of the last sexual encounter as is exceptionally common for a primary oral HSV-1 infection, that pretty much rules out herpes orally as it is. The fact that you had no genital symptoms for a month also rules out genital herpes. I am not aware of anyone at all who has genuinely gone on to test positive by swab or blood in your specific circumstances. There are hundreds if not more than a thousand experiences on this website alone that are similar to yours that are truly negative for herpes I'm one of them!]  
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