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lil baby jesus

HSV dating resource to make "the talk" easier (no, not a dating site)

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lil baby jesus

Hi everyone! :)

With the help of some fellow HC forum members, I'm working on creating an HSV website that will promote relationships by making "the talk" easier.

I know that not everyone has trouble with it--which is awesome--but a lot of people still do, unfortunately. The main purpose of this project is to decrease the amount of rejection caused solely by HSV (because it honestly doesn't have to be that way).

The site's main premise is essentially: You are not HSV; you just happen to have HSV, which is a mostly harmless, asymptomatic virus. If this were not true--if HSV was anything more than that--then billions and billions of dollars (multiple thousands of millions) would be dumped into HSV research left and right. Kinda like what's happening with Cancer, HIV/AIDS and high-risk HPV. But that's not the case, as we all know.

While certain research organizations and universities are working hard at finding more effective vaccines, and possibly even a cure, it's no secret that HSV research is lacking the funds it ultimately requires for expedited progress.

Having said all that, I'd also like to say that herpes-coldsores.com is an absolutely amazing website full of HSV knowledge, support and general information. However, if you send a sexual prospect here to do some research, the last thing you want them to see are the many people who are freaking out, depressed, and possibly even entertaining thoughts of suicide because of HSV--that's not an accurate representation of the virus at all.

And yes, I know not everyone here is like that, but all it takes is a few posts written by the wrong people to scare someone off, and that "someone" could easily be your potential romantic/sexual partner looking for some kind of assurance while considering a relationship with you. Not to mention, the picture links on the right menu bar don't help the situation much either. Great for education, not great for sales--which is ultimately your objective when you give them the talk.

Life is all about sales. Let's say you're hanging out with friends and everyone is trying to decide where to eat for lunch. You suggest McDonalds (hopefully not, but just an example ;)), and everyone agrees. Congratulations: you just sold the idea of eating at McDonalds. Let's say you and your boyfriend/girlfriend are thinking of what movie you'd like to see at the theater. You've been able to narrow it down to these 2 options: True Grit and Here After. They suggest True Grit because Rotten Tomatoes ranks it much higher, and after confirming you agree completely. They just sold the idea of watching True Grit (which is a fantastic movie by the way!).

Relationships are no different. HSV+ or not, in a relationship, both partners are essentially selling themselves to each other. Now with HSV on the other hand, since you can't completely get rid of it (at least not yet), it is also your responsibility to "sell" HSV as well, along with yourself. If you're already HSV+, that's not optional. It's literally a 2-for-1 / take-it-or-leave-it-type deal. So, this website intends to help you with that. :)

The reason why I posted this (and sorry for the length!) is because I'd like to get some comments and suggestions to make it as useful as possible for you.

What would you like to see on a website like this? What information would you find most helpful? What were/are some of your biggest concerns regarding talking about HSV (more detailed than just rejection)?

All opinions are valued.

Also, this website will not be selling anything--it is strictly for promoting relationships. I feel like it's the least that should be done because there are so many good people with HSV who want romance and intimacy just as much as anyone else. Moreover, lack of ability to sell something that isn't necessarily their fault should not keep them from attaining that desire. It doesn't take a genius to realize that isn't fair, and (more importantly) I believe we can do something about it.

Thank you. :)

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lil baby jesus

One more thing: if you'd like to take a more proactive role in assisting with this project, feel free to PM me. :)

Otherwise, simply posting what's on your mind is still appreciated.

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love2011

great idea and great descriptions! Im a student diagnosed with genital herpes 3/4 months ago and considering the fact that herpes is really common I don't have anybody at my university to talk to about it. Could you create some kind of database or forum for students of different universities around the country to anonymously connect with people at their university with the virus? And once they have done that they might want to reveal themselves and realise they already know eachother, I think something like that would be helpful for dating and building friendships.

So for example you can click on the link for your university, see how many people from your uni have visited the page and hopefully start chatting.

Thankyou!

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lil baby jesus

Hi love2011 :),

Thank you for sharing your opinion. The idea isn't to be some spin off a dating site--it's going to be a static resource that HSV+ people can refer romantic and/or sexual prospects to (and not scare them off). If you have any ideas to contribute toward this objective, I'd love to hear them.

Thanks again! ;)

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OptimisticChick

Fabulous idea!

I just had the "talk" for the first time a few weeks ago and although it went well I wish I could have directed him to a website like this. With that said, I think the first thing that needs to prominently pop up is something that affirms the person that directed them there REALLY cares about them.

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lil baby jesus

Awesome OptimisticChick! Glad to hear it went well! :D

Yes, the site will definitely be designed to appeal to emotions. It won't just be a white web page with research text. ;)

And thanks for your comment! ;)

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Myra

I think this is a great idea! how about a section with a sample talk? I know you can't have every scenario but one or two..

guy: says this

girl: says that

What is a good START sentence....

and also the stats of transmission and what the H partner can do to lower transmission risk.

And maybe one central place to go for printouts on H to give to your potential partner :)

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LostnEmpty

All I can say is genius......All you have to do is say go to the website your making....read and I will answer any questions you have. This will make it so much easier!!

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lil baby jesus
surreal....great idea/concept!

Challenged, thanks bud! :)

I think this is a great idea! how about a section with a sample talk? I know you can't have every scenario but one or two..

guy: says this

girl: says that

What is a good START sentence....

and also the stats of transmission and what the H partner can do to lower transmission risk.

And maybe one central place to go for printouts on H to give to your potential partner :)

Hey Myra! Thanks for sharing your opinions! :)

I'm thinking about creating a small PDF file that you can download, which will contain a good idea of how to present HSV for the talk. Stats for transmission will most certainly be provided--down to the very decimal. ;) No way we can forget that!

And I really like the printout idea! Nice! :D

All I can say is genius......All you have to do is say go to the website your making....read and I will answer any questions you have. This will make it so much easier!!

LostnEmpty: Exactly! :) Like 100x easier! ;)

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Teacher Man

Very good post! I'd like to say that I think the idea that Love2011 had is a good one. I live in a college town, and although I'm not in college, it's shocking to believe that there are NO support groups here. I think a site/database aimed at connecting college kids with

others in their age group is a good idea. Student health facilities could refer newly diagnosed students to the site for support

and information.

Surreal, I also think that a site specifically aimed at the relational aspects of HSV would be beneficial. There's so much info out

there, much of it contradictory, that it's hard for the newly diagnosed to know what to think. Even doctors are frequently

misinformed on the topic. My own doc, whom I like very much due to her thoroughness and affability, initially told me that

90% of people never have another outbreak. My subsequent reading and personal experience has proven otherwise.

Anyway, the more info that is out there...the better.

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Melbel012

God bless you for caring and sharing. Thank you so much for helping. I have had this since 1993 and dating is hard when you tell them for the first time when youre really interested. After that initial conversation it gets easier its just hard to know when the right time is to say that you have it. I think I say it way too soon...they still have sex but yet they arent interested. It does get discouraging. Im glad I found this website.

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annabel1

Currently NEED Help/Advice

I LOVE the concept! Can't wait to see it!

But I am in a predicament right now...I just found out I have herpes and I told my boyfriend of about 7 months. I was having my first outbreak a week ago when I didnt know what it was but he and I still had sex not knowing. The pain was so bad that I went to the doctor to check it out and told me it was herpes. My boyfriend is very upset. He is upset because we did it when I was having an outbreak. We both had no idea. He is very upset and mad. Almost depressed, I have never seen him like this. Nothing I can say or do helps.

PLEASE help me find a way to get through to him and talk to him. I am so sad.

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Supporting

I just found out I have herpes and I told my boyfriend of about 7 months. I was having my first outbreak a week ago when I didnt know what it was but he and I still had sex not knowing. The pain was so bad that I went to the doctor to check it out and told me it was herpes. He is upset because we did it when I was having an outbreak. We both had no idea.

How were you diagnosed with herpes? Visual exam? Culture? Blood? Visual examinations are incorrect 1/3 of the time so it is imperative that you follow up with a culture if you have more symptoms and/or blood test.

You either just contracted HSV or it was your first noticeable outbreak. Has your bf been tested? You both should have an IgG test (not IgM). If he is positive & you are negative, that means you have recently acquired it & not built enough detectable antibodies yet & most likely received it from him.

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annabel1
How were you diagnosed with herpes? Visual exam? Culture? Blood? Visual examinations are incorrect 1/3 of the time so it is imperative that you follow up with a culture if you have more symptoms and/or blood test.

You either just contracted HSV or it was your first noticeable outbreak. Has your bf been tested? You both should have an IgG test (not IgM). If he is positive & you are negative, that means you have recently acquired it & not built enough detectable antibodies yet & most likely received it from him.

Well I took blood test and it came positive, and I also had an outbreak and was tested with a swab of that and it came positive. And she said it was HSV. Whats IgG? He has taken a test a few years ago is is serious that he is negative and all his prior sexual relations were negative. He is so sure it is me.

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Supporting
Well I took blood test and it came positive, and I also had an outbreak and was tested with a swab of that and it came positive. And she said it was HSV. Whats IgG? He has taken a test a few years ago is is serious that he is negative and all his prior sexual relations were negative. He is so sure it is me.

Was your swab typed as HSV I or HSV II? IgG is a blood test. As for your bf, he should take an IgG blood test, too. He still could have contracted this before you; there's no way to be sure all of his prior relations were negative unless he saw their results.

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lil baby jesus
I LOVE the concept! Can't wait to see it!

Awesome! It's almost ready! :)

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annabel1
Was your swab typed as HSV I or HSV II? IgG is a blood test. As for your bf, he should take an IgG blood test, too. He still could have contracted this before you; there's no way to be sure all of his prior relations were negative unless he saw their results.

I did take the blood test and it was positive. And also the swab. The nurse practioner didnt tell me if it was I or II. She just said HSV. He is a very sure that he didnt have anything because his 2 prior relations both showed their results. He truly believes it is me. He is so upset at me, he cannot talk to me. It has been 3 days and he has been avoiding me and is not happy. I do not know what to do. I am almost upset at him because he isnt the one with it. I AM! We dont know yet if he contracted it. He is so depressed and does not know what to do. Obviously, he will get tested soon or in a few weeks. But in the meantime, I dont know how to approach him without resenting me. How can we work through this?? He is so weirded out that I am so "casual" about this. He says that because I am not freaking out like he is. After reading and researching, I have come to accept it and there is nothing I can do about it so why play the blame game and be upset. No one is dieing! I do not think he knows alot about this stuff and is scared. It is merely just a skin infection. Please help me on what I can do...

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I did take the blood test and it was positive. And also the swab. The nurse practioner didnt tell me if it was I or II. She just said HSV. He is a very sure that he didnt have anything because his 2 prior relations both showed their results. He truly believes it is me.

Did you test positive for HSV I or II on the blood test? First, make sure you had an IgG test and, if possible, obtain the numeric results & post them here (1.5, 4.2, >5, whatever it is). The reason I keep asking is because knowing your type is important. Both types have different shedding & transmission rates. Once you confirm which type you have, you can address this with your bf more efficiently. When he tests in a few weeks, let us know the outcome.

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annabel1
Did you test positive for HSV I or II on the blood test? First, make sure you had an IgG test and, if possible, obtain the numeric results & post them here (1.5, 4.2, >5, whatever it is). The reason I keep asking is because knowing your type is important. Both types have different shedding & transmission rates. Once you confirm which type you have, you can address this with your bf more efficiently. When he tests in a few weeks, let us know the outcome.

I called back the doctor and she said im positive for both hsv I and II. I asked about the numeric results and they said they didnt know and it doesnt say. Is the IgG the one that has the level number?And if so, where can I go get that because my doctor says they dont do that??? I read that once I find out the number, it will tell me when I got the it? Is that correct??! I really want to do that...

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thiswillnotdfineme

Great idea!! I'm interested in helping any way possible! Please keep us posted as soon as something is up!

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lil baby jesus

Website is finished! Of course, I'll keep adding to it as needed, but it is certainly usable and viewable now. :)

Since I can't modify my first post on here, I am going to create a new thread to avoid the chance of it getting overlooked on page 3. :)

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