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soulslikethewheels809

Just need to vent, maybe someone feels the same as I do.

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soulslikethewheels809

I thought it would all be okay. Maybe I was just in denial. I don't know... But when I met J I knew this really was something that would effect the rest of my life.

I met R in August. When I was with him, I became someone I normally wasn't. He was so attractive, friendly and believable. I wanted to be someone he wanted. I look back on the way I acted with him now and realize I don't even know who that girl was. In early December I had my first outbreak. I immediately confronted R and he swore up and down that he had no idea he had it. I soon uncovered much more, he had been cheating on me most of our relationship. Almost everything he had told me was a lie. I obviously ended things with him and have trying to do my best to be optimistic since then. I've avoided thinking about how R has effected my life, I don't think I've actually broke down since the day in the doctors office when I was diagnosed.

Recently I met J. We have everything in common(interests, music, etc), we went to the same high school but never met each other until FB suggested we knew each other. We decided to meet up and we really hit it off. We've been hanging out everyday lately. Today when we were kissing I realized what this would ultimately come down to. I will eventually have to tell J that I have genital herpes. I think I am finally realizing the gravity of this situation and I am no longer optimistic. In fact, I'm having a complete breakdown right now.

I genuinely like this person. I'm so comfortable and I'm myself around him and we have such a great time together. All I want is to have a normal relationship. Now I have to make up some excuse why we can't have sex. Eventually I will have to tell him the real issue, and what if he rejects me? But when I think about it, how would I feel if I spent 6 months (or however long it takes me to open up) falling for someone, just to find out that they had been hiding this from me the entire time. I feel like I have this deep dark secret. How can I date someone knowing what I have, knowing I will eventually have to tell them this, knowing eventually I will have to put someone I care about at risk.

I am seriously on the verge of just breaking it off with J. He's such a great guy, and even if he did accept me, herpes and all, he doesnt deserve this. He doesn't deserve to be put at risk, and I wouldn't ever want this for him. I have so much hostility and anger for R and I never want anyone to think of me that way. What if he's okay with it at first, then he ends up resenting me for it. I feel like the only thing to do is be alone.

Help/Advice?

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WarriorKing

J deserves to be the one to make that decision, if you feel you can trust him with this personal detail about yourself. This is a usually minor medical condition that most adults have, it is not some awful plague. I have carried genital herpes for over 32 years and it has been a very small thing in my life, and I am not uncommon with that experience.

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Car guy

I am sorta of in a similar situation. Just recently my fiancé was diagnosed. I am waiting for my test results to determine whether I am positive or not. My delima is if I'm negative is it best to walk away or to take the risk. She's scared of losing me and I feel the same. The only way to find out is to be honest and let him decide. No one can make the decision but him.

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    • Hairpees
      I don’t understand this post. You seem highly concerned of having herpes for someone who already tested positive for herpes. Your girlfriend has tested positive for herpes. What more is there to freak out about? Blood tests do not tell you location, are you worried if you break up how you will handle disclosure To someone else? That’s where I’m getting confused. 
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      Tested negative for both 1&2 for western blot. 
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