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curiouskaren

breaking the ice

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curiouskaren

How do you tell your partner that you have herpes?

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lost99

You don't unless they are special. And then you just put yourself out there. Its so hard the first time. I've told 2 women and one didn't work out, the other I've been with for 2 years now. Gotta take a chance. Its not as bad as we make it out to be in our head. I promise.

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curiouskaren

Thanks for responding. Well, I told him that I have it and he broke up with me. I'm not surprised. The hardest thing it that he thinks I lied to him about my status. Prior to being with him I did std testing and was told everyting was ok. My doc fail to tell me that herpes wasn't one of the test done. now that I decide to get tested again, I get the heartbreaking result.

I dont know how to handle the fact that I have put his health in jeopardy and that he thinks low of me. my heart if breaking so bad. I cry every day for myself and him.

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phoenixlove

I can feel your pain I just went through the same thing, i was with somone we got tested and I said I was all good and then had a breakout ...I am mortified! It has been 5 days now and I am still crying, I feel guilty and shamful, I told my bf and it was the hardest thing. Be proud that you told him, you did not have to but you knew it was the right thing and for that you showed charictor and that you are a strong girl..his reaction is prob from fear. I had to tell my x husband two days ago and I was with him for 6 years and we get along now and he reacted the same way, he first told me I must have cheated like a **** and he never wants to see me again. then this morning he called and said that fear is a nasty emotion and makes you act like a douch. So give him time and let him know if he wants to get the blood test you will be there for him because all the shit feelings he is feeling ...your feeling as well. Don't worry It will get a little better everyday I promise! You did the brave and right thing by telling him and he will see that once the dust settles that you did it out of respect for him good luck and stay strong!!!!

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Sunshine2you

Oh, Curious, I'm so sorry that you're heartbroken. You did nothing wrong, I promise. You were right to be honest with your boyfriend about your herpes diagnosis, and obviously he couldn't handle the truth. As for the STD testing, I think it's wrong that they don't make herpes blood testing a part of an STD work-up (and being a nurse and future Nurse Practitioner, I'm going to work on getting this changed). I, too, have always had negative STD tests, but my herpes test was positive. I was devastated.

Now, back to you. Please take good care of yourself and know that this is not the only chance you will ever have of finding love. I truly don't think this guy deserves you, your tears, or your heart. You deserve to be with someone who appreciates your honesty and loves you for everything that you are. Good luck, and I hope you feel better soon.

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curiouskaren

Thanks for your support guys. I'm not glad that i'm not alone in this, but it helps to know that i'm not alone.

my biggest challenge is that I care too much about what he thinks of me and i'm afraid that his hurt will cause him to broadcast the information. I know i'll have to strong, and i'll get there. but for now the 'what ifs' has me on edge.

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norcallove

Hi curious - I have a similar story, although I have a different ending. My partner and I both did all the STD testings (what we thought was everything) and were negative for everything. So I was shocked to have an OB 4 months into the relationship. Only then did I find out that herpes wasn't tested for unless you specifically ask for it. Ugh, very annoying. Good thing we have people like Sunshine who can work on possibly changing that. :) I was so scared to tell my partner and I was worried he might get mad and tell everyone. In the end he was actually great and said it didn't change anything. So my story at least proves people will accept it. He was tested and is negative and it still didn't change anything. So there is hope for people who think they won't find someone who is negative that will accept this.

I am sorry to hear that he reacted the way he did. You did the right thing and there was no way you could have known prior and you didn't lie to him. Has he been tested? Honestly there is a chance that he has it and just doesn't have any symptoms - he could have even given it to you. Plus, the way he reacted shows a lot about his character. You deserve better. :) I know the what ifs are hard. You'll get through it though. You have all of us on here supporting you and helping you to get through it. I don't know him so I don't know if he will broadcast this information, but I doubt it to be honest because then people could say that he has it too or something like that. Maybe you can talk to him again after he calms down a bit and give him the facts and statistics. The reason people react so badly is mostly because of the stupid stigma associated with H. Stay strong and I hope you start feeling better. Take care!! :flowers:

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curiouskaren

I dont know if i'm slowly accepting my fate or I'm pretending it doesn't exist, but I realise that I cry less. I don't feel less healthier than the day before I found out, so what should I think? Prior to this he was a 'caring' fellow. I would still hope that I havent cause him any harm.

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    • WilsoInAus
      Yes and I have received quite a number of complaints about you too... people wondering why you haven’t been banned for such flagrant lying. Anyways, it matters not. Readers can see what is the truth, and truth is all that matters.
    • Atrapasueños
      @WilsoInAus talking to you is like talking to the wall, follow your path and do not give importance to my comments and received complaints from other users of how you judge who has problems with the community of hsv are you, doctors are too wrong do not know everything and you who have no medical and academic training will judge a doctor who with a blood test and a culture diagnosed me with hsv-1 (I'll tell you a phrase that a doctor told me you're not going to judge my diagnoses that's why I I left the mother 8 years studying) _______________________ hablar contigo es como hablar con la pared siga su camino y no le dé importancia a mis comentarios e recibido quejas tuyas de otros usuarios de como los juzgas el que tiene problemas con la comunidad de hsv eres tú, los médicos se equivocan demasiado no lo saben todo y tu que no tienes ninguna formación médica y académica va a juzgar un médico que con un examen de sangre y un cultivo me diagnostico hsv-1 ( te diré una frase que un médico me dijo tu no vas a juzgar mis diagnósticos por eso me partí la madre 8 años estudiando)
    • WilsoInAus
      No I’m sorry that is not the case. You have lied and deceived to feed your own paranoia. That is unacceptable behaviour anywhere, particularly this behaviour. Our readers understand perfectly. It’s time to reflect upon this atrocious behaviour. Please comeback when you’re prepared to be mature. I’m sorry no one has been able to help you overcome your psychological problems regarding herpes.
    • Atrapasueños
      lo que tú no entiendes es que no todos tienen los mismos síntomas y los mismos brotes hay gente que no tiene síntomas y sabe brotes recurrentes mucha gente tiene síntomas sin brotes visibles heno asintomáticos y sintomáticos muchos doctores confunden un brote de hsv a una espinilla (acné ) y viceversa _______________________ @WilsoInAus what you do not understand is that not everyone has the same symptoms or the same outbreaks there are people who do not have symptoms and get recurring outbreaks many people have symptoms without visible outbreaks there are asymptomatic and symptomatic many doctors confuse an outbreak of hsv to a pimple (acne) ) and vice versa
    • Atrapasueños
      @WilsoInAus estas muy mal, mi  diagnostico de hsv fue sólo por escuchar mis síntomas sin pruebas de sangre eso fue a los 20 días la prueba de sangre fue casi al cumplir un mes además todos las personas son diferentes el hsv no dura mucho en infectar células epiteliales en muchos casos a los 15 días de la infección ya puedes obtener anticuerpos hay gente que dura meses hay gente que dura menos de un mes porque tiene que ser igual para todos? _____________________ you are very bad, my diagnosis of hsv was just by hearing my symptoms without blood tests that was 20 days after the blood test was almost one month later all the people are different the hsv does not last long in infecting epithelial cells in many cases after 15 days of infection and you can get antibodies there are people who last for months there are people who last less than a month because it has to be the same for everyone?
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