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first guy i ever had to tell. i'm disappointed.


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i was clinically diagnosed with herpes on my 19th birthday. i'm about to turn 21 soon and have found that i never really coped with this. i merely pushed it aside because i was in a relationship with the person that i contracted it from and it was simply a non-issue. that person and i recently ended our relationship and only in the past couple months has it really hit that "wow, i have herpes." i felt so alone. so dirty. i had never told anyone but slowly i've been telling important people in my life. i'm not ashamed however sometimes i still feel that it is unfair. i have only had sex with one person and that was the person i got it from. most of the time though i dont let myself think that way.

things have been really tough because recently i met a really great guy. i was so scared that he wouldn't accept me though. i didn't think it was fair for him to be in a relationship with someone like me. he is a virgin and i can't stand the thought of him possibly getting herpes. so i forced myself to try to work things out with my ex cuz i thought it would just be easier. i have it. he has it. and nobody else has to be affected. it was a bad idea because i just don't love him like that anymore and i finally realized that i don't have to settle. i ended up pushing the other guy away in the process. now that my ex is out of the picture, i recently let this new guy know that i have herpes. he was really upset. he said he wouldn't have been scared away and that he would have accepted me. he was just upset that i didn't let him know before. we had been "dating" and messing around for about a month and a half. i was always VERY CAREFUL to not put him at risk, even though he was unaware of this. there was never any sex or genital to genital contact. i didn't know where we were going and didn't want to tell him unless i knew we both were ready to be in a relationship together. he's really scared now and i've encouraged him to get tested. :( although i know i've ruined any chance of a relationship, i'm so scared that i've lost his friendship too. this was the first potential boyfriend i've ever had to tell and it went terrible. those of u with experience...is it easier to just be upfront in the beginning? i kind of feel that i want the person to get to know me before letting them know.

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hey there

I think those of us who have herpes have to be really careful about handling these kinds of situations.

I think its possibly a good idea to refrain from any kind of sexual activity (except kissing of course lol) until the guy gets to know you a bit. Then once you decide to take it to the next level mutually, then the right thing is to talk about it.

If you tell them straightaway they make get freaked out and run off because they just dont know who you really are.

Im 20 and have just recently been diagnosed with herpes and i contracted it from my current bf so I havent had to really go through this situation yet and I am dreading the day when I will have to. BUt just remember, being honest is the only option and I give you alot of credit for it :wink:

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