Need help coping

[bll]

I was diagnosed with herpes yesterday. I knew something wasn't 'quite right' but I had no idea I was going to be in for this. The pain started yesterday morning and today I would rather break my own fingers than use the washroom. The doctor was extremely cold at the clinic, although she was kind enough to toss a box of kleenex beside me shortly after I started crying. The words "You're contagious. You have herpes" are echoing in my mind and making me very sad. She gave me 8 Valtrex pills. 4 to take when I got home and 4 for this morning and then she walked out. I would have appreciated being allowed to get dressed before she presented her diagnosis and a pamphlet on herpes would have gone a long way.

I've had a headache, fever, muscle aches and kidney pain for the past 5 days. Im at my wits end. I feel gross, tainted and useless. Im in my early twenties and I cant help but think that no one is going to date me or love me or marry me or have kids with me. I know thats irrational and that herpes is very common and people carry on normal lives. I would never think someone else gross for having herpes. I guess Im still in shock and the pain is making me irritable. Until the pain subsides I cannot begin to try and approach this with a forward-thinking attitude.

It would mean a lot to hear from someone who has been through this before. What do you do to prevent outbreaks? How do you lessen the severity? What do you do to cope with the pain?

[memyselfI]

You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders. I wouldn't have judged other people for getting herpes, but I remember the feelings I had when I found out I had the virus we just as you described: fear of being alone forever, etc. I'm sorry there is so much pain associated with the situation your in, physically and emotionally.

I have a strong faith in God, and I'm praying for you that you feel His love and know that you are being taken care of. He never gives us or leaves us with a problem we can't handle. You are a beautiful child of God and you are young. I know I've said this before on here but you will have more first kisses, first dates, travels, experiences, educations, jobs, etc and so on and you most likely will have long periods of life where you will forget you even have the virus, I have. There will be other crap in life that will happen and you will think, how am I ever going to get through this....

You get it? It's just a staple in the finger... I did that once when i was a kid, scary!

Hang around the site, we're here to love you and there is something about relating and learning from people with the same problem that is really spiritual and refreshing.

My first year sucked the worst as is everyone's I'm sure but as time goes on it gets better. What's that saying about how everyday seems the same until you look back and everything was so different. That's so true... time goes slow when we're healing, but just be present and do for others as much as possible. There's another thing that is so weird. It's so refreshing to help others and helps us feel good about ourselves and yet not think so much about ourselves.

As for symptoms the purell thing worked for me, ibuprofen, a healthy diet and proper weight for my body frame... these things all helped me ...and still do!

Lots of love to you kiddo! It is going to be okay!

Write me private anytime should you have any questions you don't want to post on the forum, or experiences you want to share.

Hugs!

meme

[Teacher Man]

As you can see, you obviously are NOT ALONE in this predicament. Being diagnosed is traumatic...it certainly was for me! I

was diagnosed in September and I'd have to rank it as one of my most traumatic adult experiences. However, it certainly

is not catastrophic. I too had (and still have sometimes) the same fears about love, relationships, sex, etc. It's like, all

this stuff is hard anyway, and now this? But that is simply FEAR running away with your thoughts.

We aren't guaranteed tomorrow or the next day or anything else in life. I CHOOSE to believe that somehow this unfortunate

little skin condition will serve me in the long run. I don't know how or why...not yet...but if I believe it, it can happen.

Hang in there, girl. This is a bump in the road that seems pretty scarey, but it's not a car wreck. You can and will get through

this. Keep educating yourself and reach out to others when you need it. Everything you ever wanted is still possible, nothing

is impossible. You'll make it just fine. One Love.

[bll]

Meme and Teacher Man,

Thank-you so much for your kind and genuine words. Reading your messages brought tears to my eyes (yay emotional roller coaster!), but after the sniffles subsided I began to feel centered again. I know its going to be a long road, but I think that road will be as long as I make it and Im going to try very hard to remember that it doesn't make me. Your support has taken some weight off my shoulders and I will rest easier tonight thanks to you.

[Dogwatch]

bll, I can guarantee you that once your initial outbreak subsides, you'll start to feel a whole lot better.

For most folks who experience symptoms (many don't), the first OB is by far the worst, and recurrences get less severe and less frequent over time. And for a lot of people the first OB is also the last, so with a bit of luck that may prove to be the case with you too.

Hang in there, you'll be fine. And once the initial shock wears off you'll come to realise that hsv is - in the grand scheme of things - just an over-hyped, trifling and self-limiting viral skin complaint that the vast majority of the population has in one form or another, and not some terrible life-altering disease.

[how]

I'm also young, 19 and was diagnosed a few weeks ago, 2 days before Christmas...You are NOT gross, tainted or useless...of course I can't blame you for feeling that way, I cried for days, but it gets better I promise. I have been taking vitamins like crazy! Skin vitamins, Immune vitamins and just about everything else. I think I know more about herpes than I do any other subject, it's ridiculous...the important thing is to prevent it, eat healthy exercise and vitamins, I'm told that lysine pills work very good against it, but I have trouble with pills so I'm still trying to find a smaller version...As for the severity of the OB I don't really know what to tell you, I was lucky...the whole thing only lasted 6 days, strange I guess. But I did use some lidocaine to numb the "area" it helped so much I only had to use it like once. And as for coping, i was terrified that my boyfriend of three years would leave me, we have only "been" with each other...at first it was a omg you cheated on me thing, but we know each other better than that, then a few days after my first OB started he got a coldsore, he hadn't had one since he was little, I'm convinced this is how it happened, I've never had a cold sore in my life! I coped by talking, mainly to my boyfriend, and I even talked to my Father about it, I would recommend talking to someone your own age about it because my parents flipped out, my dad almost fought with my boyfriend...just find you a good friend and talk about it, they will accept it and not judge you if they are a true friend. I hope this helped you out...

[Merlin]

Hi Bll. Sorry to hear about your Dx. I had a very similar Dx story, also yesterday, only mine was over the phone. I really sympathize with how you are feeling right now. It is devastating enough to be given this news that in a second changes your entire life and whether or not we can learn to cope with it, adapt to it and learn how to live with it, it is still something we have to deal with and adjust to -- but when the information is not delivered with any sensitivity (and mine was not either) it does make it worse. Today I'm trying to tell myself - and I'll say this to you too - to look forward and not personalize or internalize how it made me feel to be treated like that. I'm still the same person I was before I was given this Dx, and so are you. We just have to learn how to adapt our lives to this new condition now. We can do it. One day at a time and with love for our selves no matter what.

[gotitsowhat]

Sometimes I think there ought to be a class action suit against doctors and other medical professionals who treat herpes patients the way you were treated.

You are going to be OK. The first one is the worst. And I have heard that almost half of all people who have a first hsv outbreak never have another one. May you be among that number.

Meanwhile, please remember to drink a LOT of water to dilute the acidity in your urine. That will help. You can pee under water in the tub, if necessary, or put a dab of Neosporin on the outbreak before you pee.

If it were me, I would consider going back to the doctor and giving her a large envelope addressed to her, saying to her as I handed it to her, "The postman outside said this was addressed to you." In the envelope would be a piece of paper saying her medical license had just been suspended. She would be advised to open another enclosure for more information. The other enclosure would tell her that this was a hoax by a patient who wanted the doctor to know what it was like to be coldly handed startling, upsetting life changing information.

[bll]

Thanks for the encouragement Dogwatch. I woke up this morning to find my fever was gone, and where ever it went it took my feelings of self disgust with it. It really is amazing how overwhelmed and emotional something can get when your tired and ill. The pain is most definitely still there, but I am having an easier time mentally dealing with it today. I actually had a nice laugh out loud at myself just now when i royally smoked my hip bone on my kitchen counter. As I keeled over and was on the brink of shouting a nasty four letter word, i thought to myself "hey, this is a nice change!". I think the initial shock is starting to wear off today and as unfortunate and painful as this ob is, you're right. It is not life-altering. Cheers

[bll]

Merlin and gotitsowhat,

Thankyou for taking the time to reply and for having my back. I thought of some pretty witty and sharp things to say to that dr after the fact, but thats just murphy's law eh? I have been blessed to have very supportive and open parents who I have been speaking with, as well as an amazing sister who always has as much time for me as I need. As thankful as I am for that, its just not the same as having interactions with people who have been down the same path you're starting on. Hearing from people like you makes it easier to keep my head held high. Much love

[misshoneybee]

Im sorry to hear about your doctor, and that you're in pain but it sonds like things are getting a little better? I think you will be glad you found this forum. I know I am. I was diagnosed about a month ago. I felt so dirty, so alone and so stupid. I cried, I screamed, I shouted, I sulked then cried some more. I've never felt so isolated in my life. Then my boyfriend (who doesn't have herpes) started loading me with vitamins, reading up on it and helping educate me.

From there, I decided I'd better learn all I can very quickly, which is how I found this site. It's a wealth of information, including news on research into a cure! Obviously, it's not good to get your hopes up for one soon...

Anyway, my point is all you can do now is take the best care of yourself that you can (suppressive medication, vitamins, healthy lifestyle etc) and try to put things into perspective. It is, after all, just cold sores but down there. You might feel like it's getting the better of you now, but why let cold sores rule your life? You're still the person you were before this.

&& of course if you want to blow off steam, you can always message me if you like.

[bll]

misshoneybee,

diagnosed a month ago.. Im so sorry to hear that. The more I've been researching its been so shocking to see how common this is. Its something you hear about and so many people must be thinking "what are the odds", "how could this happen to ME?!". I know those things have been going through my head quite a bit lately. My ob is starting to calm down a bit. Found a few things that help lessen the pain and that alone is enough to turn my attitude around. What really screwed me up is that I live a very healthy lifestyle. Im mentally healthy, enjoy my work, have a great circle, I eat pretty well, work out once sometimes twice a day (very healthy workouts focused on building muscle- got a 4 workin on an 8 lol), and I set time aside for my hobbies. I was already thinkin 'dear god if my system was down enough to bring this on, what the heck am i gonna have to do to keep it away!'. I am so glad that I found this forum. By reading peoples comments and questions in other threads i realised that I have been eating chocolate almost everyday for the past 2 weeks, slathering peanut butter on my whole wheat full-of-nuts-and-grains toast, and drinking more than usual... probably because i broke up with my bf 2 weeks ago.. stress, poor diet choices...boom! ob!

I did load up on vitamins today that are going to become part of my daily routine for the rest of my life, as well as a selection of foods that fit the alkaline vs. acid and lysine vs. arginine mix. Im trying to get excited about all of this. Either I can dive into a deep depression and hide under the covers or I can become an even more healthier, happier, less judge mental and caring individual.

What really truly got me thinking this way was hearing from people who have herpes. I know Im not gross because of a sore. Im a good person who happens to have herpes- so what?

Peace and Love

[Dogwatch]

I did load up on vitamins today that are going to become part of my daily routine for the rest of my life, as well as a selection of foods that fit the alkaline vs. acid and lysine vs. arginine mix. Im trying to get excited about all of this.

It's always good to try and have a sensible and balanced diet - herpes or no herpes. But try not to over-react get too fanatical about all that stuff because ultimately it can be counter-productive. Anything in moderation is fine, including the so-called "unhealthy" foods such as chocolate, booze, cream cakes, fry-ups, strong aromatic coffee, large dollops of ice cream, exotic curries or whatever else is your particular vice.

It's called "quality of life" - and where's the "quality" in living off lettuce sandwiches, low-fat spread, muesli and vitamin supplements just because you happen to have a very common (and for most people very minor) skin complaint?!

A family of my acquaintance were fanatical about such things to the point of being in an almost quasi-religious fervour about it: No sugar, no chocolate, no red meat, no this, no that, only "organic" foods, more supplements than you could shake a stick at. You get the picture. The dad enjoyed a beer every now and again, but that was about it. And the lot of 'em were constantly getting sniffles, colds and other minor ailments, until one day the mum came down with cancer of the mouth. Fortunately she beat it, but it just goes to show that a so-called "healthy" diet is no guarantee of health.

Like I said, it's all about balance. So eat, drink and be merry - and may you live long and prosper.

[JoeJoeDolo]

I have also been recently diagnosed, its tough but life goes on

[Merlin]

Glad to see you're feeling a little bit better Bll. I am also - just a little. I ordered some Lysine, went to the store and got more fruits and veges (I also eat pretty healthy but I did some research on foods to boost the immune system and came up with a few more to add to my diet). I'm a little bummed about the chocolate thing, but I guess every once in a while won't hurt. We have to balance the healthy life style with having fun too. Keep your chin up. Like someone here said, we can't let this rule our lives!

[package deal]

first let me say how sorry I am this has happeneed to you. I know it not fair and where your coming from. your reaction is normal but let me stress this with the most impo0rtant thing I can say to you: you are not i repeat NOT TAINTED or useless

I also sorry the doctor was so cold and heartless and cruel. I would call the clinic and ask to speak to the director of the clinic and complain

Your first outbreak is the worse and it will get better. Your having your first outbreak and it could be ages before you have another outbreak. look at me . I have had herpies for almost 2 years and guess what? I only had 2 outbreaks. a year apart and my 2nd outbreak was not even close to be painful as the first. I barely noticed it

some people never have another outbreak after the first. You could be one of these people

of course your still in shock.

as for warding off outbreaks.

I do not take meds for herpies. what i do do is to keep my life is to avoid stress whenever I can. i eliminate people who stress me out on a constant basis.

i try to eat healthy . it works for me

You could also go see another doctor certainly not the one you saw and get a subscription of valtreks. if you noticed the side board there is links and articles that will help you .

[norcallove]

Hi bll. I am so happy to read that you are starting to feel better physically and emotionally. I was diagnosed about 6 weeks ago, so I understand all of the emotions you are feeling. It is definitely an emotional roller coaster at times. The first day, after I left the doctor and was "visually diagnosed" was the worst day for me. I find this site that day, and it has helped SO much. While getting the confirmation from the tests was still hard, I was expecting it and knew everything would be ok. I know it is hard in the beginning, but it does get better. I pretty much decided after the 1st day to have a positive attitude about everything.

Anyway, I wanted to chime in on this thread also because you said something in your original posts about wondering if someone will ever want you. I'm 26, I read that you're in your early 20s. My story is that I got diagnosed after I had been dating this guy for 4 months. I was so nervous and scared to go tell him my diagnosis. I was SURE he was going to leave me. Guess what? He didn't. He was great. He never hesitated in saying he wanted to stay with me and nothing changed. His only concern through this has been worrying about how I feel physically and emotionally. So I am proof that not everyone will run away for H. It's been 6 weeks and nothing has changed. Actually, that's a lie, we've never been better So I hope that gives you and everyone out there hope. There are people on this board who don't have H and have partners who do. We're all still the same great people we were before this diagnosis. Most people will see that and accept the risk if they truly care about you and want to be with you. I hear a lot of people on here say having H has helped them weed out the bad guys!

Take care

[bll]

Solid point, I do agree with you. Im not going an extremist route, I did purchase some supplements that were suggested to me that I plan on taking daily to help with suppressing future outbreaks- also good for general health, along with some foods I should probably be eating anyways. I very much appreciate your comments, I can see how reading that from a newly diagnosed could spark some concern about what is actually realistic. I wanna be stress free and happy- eating lettuce is NOT going to make me a happy girl. I am going to continue to eat a variety of foods that I enjoy, I'll still treat myself to a chocolate pink coconut icing cupcake (my fav!), I just want to make sure Im balancing them out. I know its no guarantee but more fruits and veggies can only help right?

cheers

[bll]

withbaggage,

thanks for your support. I think a big part of this is maintaining good mental health and remembering that it doesnt rule my life. The physical pain has toned down a bit, and i think thats because my fever is gone so my tolerance has gone up a bit. Im going to take your advice and call the clinic. I cant help but think about someone else being in the same boat and being treated that way. I was fortunate enough that my dad had taken me (kidney pain was to much to sit up and drive), and my dad is very understanding and I can tell him anything even thought I know it makes him uncomfortable. Haha he hides it well. But if I didnt have that kind of support from my family and if my first reaction wasnt to look for people to talk to online... I probably would have done something drastic as knee-jerk emotional reaction. I dont want that to happen to someone else. thanks again for your support

[bll]

norcallove,

something I havent talked to anyone yet was the extreme difficulty I had telling my ex. We dated for 10 months, had some great times, had a lot of trust and good things goin on but we broke up because we both had 'big dreams' but werent doing enough to achieve them. It seemed we were always talking about how unhappy we were with work/ friends/ money and we werent doing anything to change it. We broke up just before christmas, had sex just before new years and I started having what I know now are symptoms of an outbreak new years eve. You know how hard it is to have that conversation eh? I went over in person and he was surprised but calm and supportive. we have been talking since and he's had a few moments of freaking out which is understandable. He messaged me this morning saying he thinks he's having an ob. I guess i gave it to him... im glad him and i can be there for eachother but im worried that we're going to get into a crutch-system which isnt healthy. Im sure everything will work out in good time. Ill let you know what happened after i call the clinic

[Forgiving1]

It breaks my heart to read these stories because I feel like this is not enough education about this virus out there and more and more are being infected. But even though you may be infected don't let it affect your spirit and consume you.

I certainly know what you are going through and the initial outbreak is the worst. I had pain, i felt sick, I couldn't eat and didn't want to eat. I was a wreck physically and emotionally.

To answer your questions. To prevent outbreaks I try to remain healthy by eating well, taking vitamins like olive leaf, echinecea, and lysine. Drink plenty of water and get plenty of rest. Try not to stress yourself. Sitting in a bath with epsom salt helps too. When I had blisters I used wintergreen alcohol on them and initially it burned but then it stopped and I haven't had any since my first outbreak. I have H-balm ointment that I put on the soles of my feet and my tail bone where the virus supposedly lies. I have chosen not to take valtrex because I want my immune system to fight it and not become dependent on medicine. I did take anti-virals when I was first diagnosed. For pain I take regular pain relievers. Some foods apparently can make things worse like chocolate but I continue to eat chocolate because I'm not going to allow this to control me.

I am coping by turning to God who comforts me. I pray and talk to him. I know some others like to write and talk to others but turning to the Lord has helped me because as a spiritual person I know that he will never put anything more on us than we can bear. I also know that this was caused by sin but I'm thankful because it could've been soo much worse. He is just to forgive us when we turn away from sin and repent. Please know that this is not the end and you can still live a normal life. Know that you are loved and everything is going to be all right.