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Lost321

By Lost321
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Lost321 Honeycomb Member

Lost321

Posted
Posted

Hello Everyone,

I'm glad this forum exists. I really needed a place where people can understand and relate. I was diagnosed with HSV 1 and HSV 2 last week. I've been fairly depressed every day. I've been trying to tell myself it is okay and that I'm not alone, so why do I feel so alone? I don't think I am angry about what has happened. I am just scared more than anything I think. I had a wonderful relationship with a man who I could have had everything I ever wanted in life with (marriage, children, etc...). As a result of an infidelity, I risked and lost all of that. I realized all of this too late... I told the man I love what had happened, and rightfully so he is angry, disappointed, etc... I accept that and my wrong doings. I can't change this or fix this. Despite all of that, he has been trying to get informed about HSV 1 and HSV 2. We both have a lot of questions... He has been so supportive even though I hurt him so badly. I've just been an emotional mess on so many levels. I'm lost and scared about all of this because I don't feel I could have what I once dreamed so much about. I know there are many people who have it and can live very happy lives, but I can't see that yet.

I'd like to be put into a permanent bubble so I don't risk infecting anyone else. I try to be positive and have hope that things will be okay and that this is only a transitional period when I learn to accept that I have HSV 1 and HSV 2. Sometimes I can't look myself in the mirror because I don't feel like I'm looking at the same person. I just do not know where to go from here... I've been trying to read as much as possible, but it's hard to know what information to trust like what to eat and what not to eat that could help prevent outbreaks. I am trying to think of positive things, but that has been difficult. I feel so "broken" and "damaged." I have moments of when I am okay, but most of the time I feel so depressed about it all.

I am hoping to gain some clarity and learn to accept what has happened and have the strength to keep moving forward...

Thank you for allowing me to share a part of my story....

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Teacher Man Established Member

Teacher Man

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Lost -

I can say without a shadow of doubt that we all know exactly how you're feeling. I was diagnosed in September and I still

have my good days/bad days with this thing. You're right...the mental adjustment is a a shock, but it does get BETTER.

I went through it all - "Why me? Who would ever want to be with me now?" I too felt like some sort of future ideals I

had in mind went right out the window.

I have to remind myself that the fear is an illusion...it only exists in our minds, not in the world around us. I'm sorry

that you're going through this and that you were unfaithful to your boyfriend. But please know that you are not alone.

We all make mistakes, sometimes big ones. You'll get through this. Reach out to people on here...chat, post, message,

whatever. I've had several people on here who've been very helpful to me personally, and I always try to pay it forward.

The sun will still rise tomorrow, and you'll still be the only one of YOU on earth. Hang in there, girl. One Love.

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Lost321 Honeycomb Member

Lost321

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Teacher Man,

Thank you so much for your kind words. I really appreciate it. Being connected to people through this really gives hope that the world is not such a cruel place. There is still a lot of compassion and unconditional love and connection out there.

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Hforhope Honeycomb Member

Hforhope

Posted
Posted

Hi Lost321,

It does get better, I have been worrying about hsv for a week, then got a positive diagnosis yesterday for genital hsv1. At first it was shame, anger, sadness etc. I don't know if I got it from my recent partner or someone else earlier, but it doesn't matter. Its just an annoying virus. You may have not gotten it from your wonderful relationship not from the infidelity, you never know, because herpes can stay dormant in the system for long. Although if you did get it from the other person, you can still have a relationship with your man, he just has to accept the risks. And who knows he may have herpes, most of the population does. You just have to be careful, take vitamins, etc. that is what I am doing, I have never taken so many pills in my life =) But life does go on, you just have to take it one day at a time.

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package deal Platinum Support Member

package deal

Posted
Posted

hey have him and you to watch this i think it will really help you

http://www.westoverheights.com/genital_herpes/handbook.html

this is a free online resource for you and your partner if you haven't read it already. Terri Warren keeps it up to date with the latest information. it has all the basic info on genital herpes you need.

If you don't mind paying money, she also wrote a book this year "the good news about the bad news". It really goes into the psychological side of having herpes more than the free handbook does. There is also a free patient counseling video on her site too if your provider didn't already give you the valtrex herpes packet with the dvd in it - http://www.westoverheights.com/genital_herpes/video.html

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Lost321 Honeycomb Member

Lost321

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Hforhope,

I like your ID...I am thinking some day I am going to change my name from Lost to something more positive :). There are a lot of things that he and I have to work out, but the way he reacts makes me think that H is not so much the priority as are the other issues... H is in the picture and will always be, but more than anything he has just been supportive. He asks me if I take my "vitamins " (acyclovir meds.). Makes me think maybe I did do something good to have such a man in my life even just as my friend... so many thoughts have crossed my mind about who I got it from, but maybe finding out now is a "blessing" as I haven't had my first outbreak yet and am on suppressants. I agree that I have to take it a day at a time... patience and faith...that's what I am trying for every day :). Take care :)

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    • sgt98
      What is the usual order of events in initial infection for GHSV?

      By sgt98 · Posted

      Hey @WilsoInAus ok thank you, I will do my best to move on and stop trawling forums haha. 
    • WilsoInAus
      What is the usual order of events in initial infection for GHSV?

      By WilsoInAus · Posted

      Hey @sgt98 but there is no feasible infection or outbreak to suppress and antivirals do not suppress an initial outbreak in any event 
    • sgt98
      What is the usual order of events in initial infection for GHSV?

      By sgt98 · Posted

      Thanks @WilsoInAus I understand apologies for this but the only other thing I am worried about is that I did take a course of Famvir on day 1 as I felt like I was having an outbreak of cold sores and am worried that has suppressed the initial outbreak genitally 
    • WilsoInAus
      What is the usual order of events in initial infection for GHSV?

      By WilsoInAus · Posted

      Hi @sgt98 it is not feasible to obtain a HSV-2 infection from receiving oral sex - only HSV-1 is feasible but you've already got that and immunity from any further infection with HSV-1. You do not need any further tests for HSV. You're feeling regret, try to forgive yourself and calm down, let the rational take over. You know the answer here and it won't be long until you believe it too.
    • WilsoInAus
      Looking for some insight on an atypical experience.

      By WilsoInAus · Posted

      Hi @NerdP423 and welcome to the website. You raise a lot of points and I think the best way to address your concerns is add some comments at each key point. I've copied your note again below and added these comments in square brackets. I appreciate any insight (even speculation) as to what has been going on with me. I'm a 37y/o M. I last was intimate with a new partner on 2/11/2022, and a few days later started having a huge amount of discomfort in my face. [The first thing that happens though is that herpes causes lesions or at least some skin based disruption. Other symptoms are then related to the actions of the immune system responding to the virus. Without lesions, it is highly questionable that the ailment is related to herpes, yet testing is useful if you have concerns as you have done so.] About a month after that [herpes causes issues within days, if the first 'symptoms' are a month later - its extremely unlikely they are related to herpes], significant discomfort downstairs, however every test I have ever taken for HSV 1 and 2 has been negative. Here are the details: Face: Previously, some significant tingling and itching on the right side of my mouth, lips and chin (still there, but milder) [herpes does not cause general tingling and itching, it can cause a reasonably concentrated feeling of itch/throb from which a herpes lesion appears within hours]. Occasional hot flashes near my right eye, cheek and ear [herpes does not do this, it may be a immune response to something, or stress]. Sometimes it will feel like the skin is crawling on the right side of my face [herpes does not cause a general crawling sensation]. Never seen anything that looked like a traditional cold sore [that's extremely telling, even people with associated atypical symptoms will have experienced herpes lesions]. Occasionally, the left side of my face will have a momentary feeling of skin crawling, but it's so mild that I am not really worried about it. Downstairs: Thankfully, most of these are now milder than they were before. Occasional momentary pinch of pain at the base of my genitals. [herpes does not cause a general pinch feeling.] Aching pain in my boxer area (groin, leg folds) [nor this] Occasional feeling of cold in my boxer area, butt, or lower back. ( also in my shins and occasionally even my arms) [nor this] On 4/30/2022, I had been in discomfort for almost two months. I scratched an itch, noticed it hurt, and then checked - I did have an open ulcer down there. Took myself to the ER to get swabbed, came back negative. [If this was a PCR then this will be very conclusive.] Practitioner said it may come back negative because it was already open. However the lab report noted that it definitely didn't look like what you'd expect a typical first herpes outbreak to look like [how would the lab know??]. All blood tests negative so far. I had two western blots, the second one was nine months after exposure. [Two negative Westernblots!!! Many that's real convincing]. All other swabs also negative. I went to urgent care, because I know the timeliness of when the Swab is taken matters. One time, a swab was not done, because practitioner said it was folliculitis and wouldn't swab it (It was at my belt line). [Belt line is highly unlikely to relate to herpes.]   A blood test revealed I had low-ish B12 (technically in range, but at the very low end, especially for a man of my size). I had a series of B12 injections, and I am taking a B12 supplement. I am not taking any lysine or arginine at the moment. I was taking the Arganine to see if I could induce an outbreak. [This is irrelevant, there is no known linkage between herpes outbreaks and arginine/lysine intake - its a myth - and B12 infers nothing.] I think what I am asking is - has anyone here ever repeatedly tested negative over and over again over long period of time, before getting a definitive answer, be a positive test, or something else? [The answer to this is: Extremely few people with a HSV-1 infection and even more rarely HSV-2 test repeatedly negative on Westernblot and actually carry the virus. Of the cases that I know of that had delayed detection by a swab and negative blood tests in the meantime (and that's only 3-4 cases), they had some form of lesions within days of infection but did not obtain a swab for various reasons and then obtained a positive swab of a subsequent lesion with the record being 11 months later. A couple of the cases did have some 'background' symptoms they thought might be related to herpes but that isn't ascertained and some did not have any unusual symptoms at all apart from the lesions. Hence as you did not have lesions around your mouth or lips within days of the last sexual encounter as is exceptionally common for a primary oral HSV-1 infection, that pretty much rules out herpes orally as it is. The fact that you had no genital symptoms for a month also rules out genital herpes. I am not aware of anyone at all who has genuinely gone on to test positive by swab or blood in your specific circumstances. There are hundreds if not more than a thousand experiences on this website alone that are similar to yours that are truly negative for herpes I'm one of them!]  
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