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Lost321

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Lost321

Hello Everyone,

I'm glad this forum exists. I really needed a place where people can understand and relate. I was diagnosed with HSV 1 and HSV 2 last week. I've been fairly depressed every day. I've been trying to tell myself it is okay and that I'm not alone, so why do I feel so alone? I don't think I am angry about what has happened. I am just scared more than anything I think. I had a wonderful relationship with a man who I could have had everything I ever wanted in life with (marriage, children, etc...). As a result of an infidelity, I risked and lost all of that. I realized all of this too late... I told the man I love what had happened, and rightfully so he is angry, disappointed, etc... I accept that and my wrong doings. I can't change this or fix this. Despite all of that, he has been trying to get informed about HSV 1 and HSV 2. We both have a lot of questions... He has been so supportive even though I hurt him so badly. I've just been an emotional mess on so many levels. I'm lost and scared about all of this because I don't feel I could have what I once dreamed so much about. I know there are many people who have it and can live very happy lives, but I can't see that yet.

I'd like to be put into a permanent bubble so I don't risk infecting anyone else. I try to be positive and have hope that things will be okay and that this is only a transitional period when I learn to accept that I have HSV 1 and HSV 2. Sometimes I can't look myself in the mirror because I don't feel like I'm looking at the same person. I just do not know where to go from here... I've been trying to read as much as possible, but it's hard to know what information to trust like what to eat and what not to eat that could help prevent outbreaks. I am trying to think of positive things, but that has been difficult. I feel so "broken" and "damaged." I have moments of when I am okay, but most of the time I feel so depressed about it all.

I am hoping to gain some clarity and learn to accept what has happened and have the strength to keep moving forward...

Thank you for allowing me to share a part of my story....

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Teacher Man

Lost -

I can say without a shadow of doubt that we all know exactly how you're feeling. I was diagnosed in September and I still

have my good days/bad days with this thing. You're right...the mental adjustment is a a shock, but it does get BETTER.

I went through it all - "Why me? Who would ever want to be with me now?" I too felt like some sort of future ideals I

had in mind went right out the window.

I have to remind myself that the fear is an illusion...it only exists in our minds, not in the world around us. I'm sorry

that you're going through this and that you were unfaithful to your boyfriend. But please know that you are not alone.

We all make mistakes, sometimes big ones. You'll get through this. Reach out to people on here...chat, post, message,

whatever. I've had several people on here who've been very helpful to me personally, and I always try to pay it forward.

The sun will still rise tomorrow, and you'll still be the only one of YOU on earth. Hang in there, girl. One Love.

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Lost321

Teacher Man,

Thank you so much for your kind words. I really appreciate it. Being connected to people through this really gives hope that the world is not such a cruel place. There is still a lot of compassion and unconditional love and connection out there.

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Hforhope

Hi Lost321,

It does get better, I have been worrying about hsv for a week, then got a positive diagnosis yesterday for genital hsv1. At first it was shame, anger, sadness etc. I don't know if I got it from my recent partner or someone else earlier, but it doesn't matter. Its just an annoying virus. You may have not gotten it from your wonderful relationship not from the infidelity, you never know, because herpes can stay dormant in the system for long. Although if you did get it from the other person, you can still have a relationship with your man, he just has to accept the risks. And who knows he may have herpes, most of the population does. You just have to be careful, take vitamins, etc. that is what I am doing, I have never taken so many pills in my life =) But life does go on, you just have to take it one day at a time.

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package deal

hey have him and you to watch this i think it will really help you

http://www.westoverheights.com/genital_herpes/handbook.html

this is a free online resource for you and your partner if you haven't read it already. Terri Warren keeps it up to date with the latest information. it has all the basic info on genital herpes you need.

If you don't mind paying money, she also wrote a book this year "the good news about the bad news". It really goes into the psychological side of having herpes more than the free handbook does. There is also a free patient counseling video on her site too if your provider didn't already give you the valtrex herpes packet with the dvd in it - http://www.westoverheights.com/genital_herpes/video.html

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Lost321

Hforhope,

I like your ID...I am thinking some day I am going to change my name from Lost to something more positive :). There are a lot of things that he and I have to work out, but the way he reacts makes me think that H is not so much the priority as are the other issues... H is in the picture and will always be, but more than anything he has just been supportive. He asks me if I take my "vitamins " (acyclovir meds.). Makes me think maybe I did do something good to have such a man in my life even just as my friend... so many thoughts have crossed my mind about who I got it from, but maybe finding out now is a "blessing" as I haven't had my first outbreak yet and am on suppressants. I agree that I have to take it a day at a time... patience and faith...that's what I am trying for every day :). Take care :)

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      That's exactly right, you can return to your life and get the blood test as a sleep easy in 12 weeks time (from the last episode).
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