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Very Surreal!


lswh11

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Diagnosed a couple of months ago.I find myself saying "this is all a dream" The commentaries regarding support is really great and so is this entire site. Best on the web by far! Been on 3 dates with an interesting women and unfortunately have so much anxiety about breaking the news ( will be my first time ever) that i just stop calling. I know it's wrong but...

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Awwwww...hang in there. There are threads here with ideas about how to have the talk. I realize it isn't easy, but it can be done and it can go well. :D

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lswh11- please call that woman! Tell her you stopped calling because you were afraid to have this talk with her. Realistic Gal and I are both wonderful women who chose to be with H positive men when we were/are not H positive ourselves. This lady may be the same. Call her!!!

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margaux is right. That lady may be sitting there, boohooing and wondering what went wrong that made you stop calling. She could be blaming herself...thinking she did something that drove you away. If you like her a lot and feel a desire to be intimate with her, and think she feels the same, let her know.

If she says no, you have not lost her any more completely than you had by cutting off all contact.

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You girls are great but here's part B. I am a senior manager at company x...the girl that introduced us works under me. If the whole thing goes bad or if it does one day in the future then I'm very afraid that word will spread within my company. that would be beyond a nightmare! Now what do you guys think?

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Hmmm, a dilemma. I think the nice ladies are right better to try and maybe have something than have the poor girl wandering through life thinking you are a jerk.

Girls are funny creatures...a man they can nurse is often appealing to some woman ;-)

In regards to the work stuff there are laws against discriminating against people based on irrelevant medical conditions, most people have HSV 1 and going to work with a cold sore does not destroy their careers. And they are wearing it on their face. Allegations about a condition nobody can see and that does not affect your job--the least of your worries. This is real life, not junior high!

I have got to the stage now where I talk about it to people, I think if more people talk about it that is the best way to break down the silly stigmas. The fact is few people judge a person if it is on their lips and nobody should judge a person if it is elsewhere.

Don't go into things thinking they will go bad, if it does cope with it then. If it does get out at work, just don't respond or if you have to say "yeah, I get cold sores" (and most people will just assume it is on you lips). If somebody came to me whispering that so and so had herpes my instant reaction is to assume they are being spiteful or vindictive because of a bad break up. Spreading rumours can always back fire on the person spreading them!

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Everyone on this site seems to know what to say :). I appreciate your response. i think i will be calling. hopefully it's not already too late. Thanks to all

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Good advice from VTiny. Though I have to say, I'm pretty sure it is men who are members of the funny species.

Hope it isn't too late, Iswh11. Just be straight with the girl.

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VTiny is right about the rumor-spreading looking bad. I think you should still talk to her. Just cutting off the contact is what will make you look bad, not having a virus. I think when you explain to her that you were scared to talk to her about it, she will be quite understanding. It shows vulnerability and as a chick I can tell you- we love that in a man!

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      Hey @WilsoInAus ok thank you, I will do my best to move on and stop trawling forums haha. 
    • WilsoInAus
      Hey @sgt98 but there is no feasible infection or outbreak to suppress and antivirals do not suppress an initial outbreak in any event 
    • sgt98
      Thanks @WilsoInAus I understand apologies for this but the only other thing I am worried about is that I did take a course of Famvir on day 1 as I felt like I was having an outbreak of cold sores and am worried that has suppressed the initial outbreak genitally 
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      Hi @sgt98 it is not feasible to obtain a HSV-2 infection from receiving oral sex - only HSV-1 is feasible but you've already got that and immunity from any further infection with HSV-1. You do not need any further tests for HSV. You're feeling regret, try to forgive yourself and calm down, let the rational take over. You know the answer here and it won't be long until you believe it too.
    • WilsoInAus
      Hi @NerdP423 and welcome to the website. You raise a lot of points and I think the best way to address your concerns is add some comments at each key point. I've copied your note again below and added these comments in square brackets. I appreciate any insight (even speculation) as to what has been going on with me. I'm a 37y/o M. I last was intimate with a new partner on 2/11/2022, and a few days later started having a huge amount of discomfort in my face. [The first thing that happens though is that herpes causes lesions or at least some skin based disruption. Other symptoms are then related to the actions of the immune system responding to the virus. Without lesions, it is highly questionable that the ailment is related to herpes, yet testing is useful if you have concerns as you have done so.] About a month after that [herpes causes issues within days, if the first 'symptoms' are a month later - its extremely unlikely they are related to herpes], significant discomfort downstairs, however every test I have ever taken for HSV 1 and 2 has been negative. Here are the details: Face: Previously, some significant tingling and itching on the right side of my mouth, lips and chin (still there, but milder) [herpes does not cause general tingling and itching, it can cause a reasonably concentrated feeling of itch/throb from which a herpes lesion appears within hours]. Occasional hot flashes near my right eye, cheek and ear [herpes does not do this, it may be a immune response to something, or stress]. Sometimes it will feel like the skin is crawling on the right side of my face [herpes does not cause a general crawling sensation]. Never seen anything that looked like a traditional cold sore [that's extremely telling, even people with associated atypical symptoms will have experienced herpes lesions]. Occasionally, the left side of my face will have a momentary feeling of skin crawling, but it's so mild that I am not really worried about it. Downstairs: Thankfully, most of these are now milder than they were before. Occasional momentary pinch of pain at the base of my genitals. [herpes does not cause a general pinch feeling.] Aching pain in my boxer area (groin, leg folds) [nor this] Occasional feeling of cold in my boxer area, butt, or lower back. ( also in my shins and occasionally even my arms) [nor this] On 4/30/2022, I had been in discomfort for almost two months. I scratched an itch, noticed it hurt, and then checked - I did have an open ulcer down there. Took myself to the ER to get swabbed, came back negative. 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There are hundreds if not more than a thousand experiences on this website alone that are similar to yours that are truly negative for herpes I'm one of them!]  
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