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Stay or go (I'm really worried)

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Hi I'm Steve from mancheter in the UK

Ive just found out the girl I have been seeing for the last 4 months has Genital Herpes

I just have a whole range of emotions because she didn't tell me that she has had it for the last 4 years.

I do care for the this girl but i feel let down, worried angry and sad.

Its not helped that i got my divorce papers servered on me on nye.

To say my head is in a mess is a understatement.

She says she loves me but i think it was wrong of her not to tell me before we started a sexuall relationship.

We had had unprotected sex once.

She says she had a outbreak in december but she made sure we didnt have sex that week and it was her first outbreak in a year.

My heads in the gutter Help!

I only just joined the forum and now at the moment I'm more worried than before ater reading other stories.

I'm so anoyed my girlfriend decided not to tell me she had the condition.

I know it cant be easy dating someone and having to tell them you have herpes but to not say anything ,well its hurt me a lot more than her being up front with me.

We have spent nearly every day together this last month and now where both upset.

The cahnces are Ive got herpes now and even if i havn't if i keep seeing her i probally will.

This makes me sound horrible because I'm worrying about me and not her but I feel in a mess.

Last edited by smithyuk; Yesterday at 11:13 PM.

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Don't assume that you caught herpes from her, or that you will if you continue to see her. I have been with many women and never passed it along, and that includes a lot of unprotected sex. I have chatted with married people who have been married decades and never passed it to their spouses.

Did you know that it is harder for a guy to catch it from a girl than vice versa? And if she takes daily antivirals she can cut the risk of transmission by 50%. Here is a link to a good post about transmission rates:


Have you ever had mono, chicken pox or a cold sore? If so, you already have herpes. All those are caused by the herpes virus. 80% of the adult population has it in one form or another.

Don't base your relationship decision soley on this virus. She is much more than a stoopid bug.

What she did was wrong in not telling you before you were intimate and you have a right to be mad, but concentrate on what qualities she had that made you want to be with her and try and move forward.

Come to the Chat Room and there you will meet many nice Herpsters who can offer you their support.

Good luck!


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Thankyou that helps alot JB

I do have the hsv 1 and am i right that also helps tp protect you a a bit

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Arnold Lane

Hey Smithy,

Your girl at least owned up to it, albeit later... I caught mine from an ex-partner who neglected to tell me; I met someone else and unknowingly passed it on to them...I felt terrible, so guilty and confronted the ex and she denied she had it; eventually the new partner ended up becoming my wife !

JB is right, the relationship is greater than this virus,

All the best !!

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package deal

nothing wrong in the way you feel or thinking about yourself. It does not matter she avoided sex while she had a outbreak there is a little thing called shreeding. as far as you being exposed or may have it there is a possiblity that your not effected. If she was not sheading at the time you wont have it. I would go to doc to be tested.

I can really symphized with you. Your story is close to mine. My ex had herpies did not tell me until after i got effected. Rubbers does not protect against getting it either. I know because my ex and I used condums 100 percent of the time. Rubber tear fall off etc

your right to be mad what she did was unforgivable. not only did she put you at risk but she robbed you of the right to make a choice and that is unforgivable.and she does not deserve another chance. What else has she not told you about?

Without honesty there cannot be a healthy relationship.

Again your not wrong in thinking about yourself.

Brake it off and go find yourself another girl who knows how to be honest because this present one of yours cannot

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package deal

here is some info you might find helpful

icon1.gif great info must read for every newly diagnosed

i found this on another sight and I am cross posting it here. It great info. Handbook and video too this is great for all newly diagnosed

this is a free online resource for you and your partner if you haven't read it already. Terri Warren keeps it up to date with the latest information. it has all the basic info on genital herpes you need.

If you don't mind paying money, she also wrote a book this year "the good news about the bad news". It really goes into the psychological side of having herpes more than the free handbook does. There is also a free patient counseling video on her site too if your provider didn't already give you the valtrex herpes packet with the dvd in it -

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Try a Lysine supplement for cold sores

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      That's some new info for me you mentioned about talking valtrex during the first month of infection. When I got mine, it was after heavy nights of partying (that I don't normally do) in the southern islands so my immunity was definitely dead. I was still a student back then.. I didn't start Acyclovir until a month after or so.  For mixing BHT with coconut oil, I just added them together into a glass pipette bottle and put the jar in a bowl of almost boiling water. It worked very easily to create a 250mg/ml solution.  I might give BHT another try, I quit if after 2 weeks because I didn't get any effects from it. Might give it another go at 1g/day.  Root canalled tooth.. is this because you get the outbreaks in your mouth? I also have a root canalled tooth but the OBs are genital. 
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      To save everyone time in translating, the article is about Trivalent and contains nothing “new” to share.  However, fingers crossed on this one :-)

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