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Stay or go (I'm really worried)

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Hi I'm Steve from mancheter in the UK

Ive just found out the girl I have been seeing for the last 4 months has Genital Herpes

I just have a whole range of emotions because she didn't tell me that she has had it for the last 4 years.

I do care for the this girl but i feel let down, worried angry and sad.

Its not helped that i got my divorce papers servered on me on nye.

To say my head is in a mess is a understatement.

She says she loves me but i think it was wrong of her not to tell me before we started a sexuall relationship.

We had had unprotected sex once.

She says she had a outbreak in december but she made sure we didnt have sex that week and it was her first outbreak in a year.

My heads in the gutter Help!

I only just joined the forum and now at the moment I'm more worried than before ater reading other stories.

I'm so anoyed my girlfriend decided not to tell me she had the condition.

I know it cant be easy dating someone and having to tell them you have herpes but to not say anything ,well its hurt me a lot more than her being up front with me.

We have spent nearly every day together this last month and now where both upset.

The cahnces are Ive got herpes now and even if i havn't if i keep seeing her i probally will.

This makes me sound horrible because I'm worrying about me and not her but I feel in a mess.

Last edited by smithyuk; Yesterday at 11:13 PM.

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Don't assume that you caught herpes from her, or that you will if you continue to see her. I have been with many women and never passed it along, and that includes a lot of unprotected sex. I have chatted with married people who have been married decades and never passed it to their spouses.

Did you know that it is harder for a guy to catch it from a girl than vice versa? And if she takes daily antivirals she can cut the risk of transmission by 50%. Here is a link to a good post about transmission rates:


Have you ever had mono, chicken pox or a cold sore? If so, you already have herpes. All those are caused by the herpes virus. 80% of the adult population has it in one form or another.

Don't base your relationship decision soley on this virus. She is much more than a stoopid bug.

What she did was wrong in not telling you before you were intimate and you have a right to be mad, but concentrate on what qualities she had that made you want to be with her and try and move forward.

Come to the Chat Room and there you will meet many nice Herpsters who can offer you their support.

Good luck!


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Thankyou that helps alot JB

I do have the hsv 1 and am i right that also helps tp protect you a a bit

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Arnold Lane

Hey Smithy,

Your girl at least owned up to it, albeit later... I caught mine from an ex-partner who neglected to tell me; I met someone else and unknowingly passed it on to them...I felt terrible, so guilty and confronted the ex and she denied she had it; eventually the new partner ended up becoming my wife !

JB is right, the relationship is greater than this virus,

All the best !!

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package deal

nothing wrong in the way you feel or thinking about yourself. It does not matter she avoided sex while she had a outbreak there is a little thing called shreeding. as far as you being exposed or may have it there is a possiblity that your not effected. If she was not sheading at the time you wont have it. I would go to doc to be tested.

I can really symphized with you. Your story is close to mine. My ex had herpies did not tell me until after i got effected. Rubbers does not protect against getting it either. I know because my ex and I used condums 100 percent of the time. Rubber tear fall off etc

your right to be mad what she did was unforgivable. not only did she put you at risk but she robbed you of the right to make a choice and that is unforgivable.and she does not deserve another chance. What else has she not told you about?

Without honesty there cannot be a healthy relationship.

Again your not wrong in thinking about yourself.

Brake it off and go find yourself another girl who knows how to be honest because this present one of yours cannot

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package deal

here is some info you might find helpful

icon1.gif great info must read for every newly diagnosed

i found this on another sight and I am cross posting it here. It great info. Handbook and video too this is great for all newly diagnosed

this is a free online resource for you and your partner if you haven't read it already. Terri Warren keeps it up to date with the latest information. it has all the basic info on genital herpes you need.

If you don't mind paying money, she also wrote a book this year "the good news about the bad news". It really goes into the psychological side of having herpes more than the free handbook does. There is also a free patient counseling video on her site too if your provider didn't already give you the valtrex herpes packet with the dvd in it -

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Try a Lysine supplement for cold sores

  • The Hive is Thriving!

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  • Posts

    • Quest
      Him holding my hips, grabbing ass, then grabbing his cock is what I worry about. I also worry about shedding anywhere from the boxer shorts area and that's a mighty big area. It is the unknown. It would be nice to cover the entire area and then I just don't have to worry! Then the part that is exposed which  would be a very small spot. Maybe cover with that liquid glove?!? I just like the idea of doing my best
    • 35hope
    • Hairpees
      I wouldn’t because that would be outing myself as well unfortunately. It just sucks because our mutual friends have no clue why I carry such resentment towards him, and wonder why they can’t even bring up his name around me anymore. Im sure they think I’m a crazy jealous person who is hurt things didn’t work out or that I’m being dramatic for no reason. I can’t explain to or confide in anyone but the users on this forum.
    • Jorjanewnew
      Girl! I am actually on the same exact position. My new bf gave it to me and he put the blame on me! When he was my 2nd partner and I hadn’t had sex in 5 years (last guy was a virgin). I know that alone feeling but know you’re not alone. I just got diagnosed 2 weeks ago too. It’s crazy you see yourself differently but I promise no one around you does.
    • Cas9
      How would that location (upper crack) come in contact with him during doggy style sex? Maybe after the act if he fell on top of you while you're face down. I would suggest simply observing whether there are sores in these areas that are somewhat removed from the genital area. If there are no sores than the odds of you transferring to him such as the lower stomach or leg etc.., are pretty damn low. Obviously, we can come always come up with a scenario where you could transmit. For example, if you were on your stomach and he was sliding his dick up and down your butt crack and you had sores there, then yes, he could get infected. If you were just shedding there it would be less likely but possible. But try doing that with your clothes on. I don't think that would work out very well; Do you?  Wearing clothes during sex like that woman you portrayed in your earlier comment is sexy. But that's all together different.

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