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Stay or go (I'm really worried)


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Hi I'm Steve from mancheter in the UK

Ive just found out the girl I have been seeing for the last 4 months has Genital Herpes

I just have a whole range of emotions because she didn't tell me that she has had it for the last 4 years.

I do care for the this girl but i feel let down, worried angry and sad.

Its not helped that i got my divorce papers servered on me on nye.

To say my head is in a mess is a understatement.

She says she loves me but i think it was wrong of her not to tell me before we started a sexuall relationship.

We had had unprotected sex once.

She says she had a outbreak in december but she made sure we didnt have sex that week and it was her first outbreak in a year.

My heads in the gutter Help!

I only just joined the forum and now at the moment I'm more worried than before ater reading other stories.

I'm so anoyed my girlfriend decided not to tell me she had the condition.

I know it cant be easy dating someone and having to tell them you have herpes but to not say anything ,well its hurt me a lot more than her being up front with me.

We have spent nearly every day together this last month and now where both upset.

The cahnces are Ive got herpes now and even if i havn't if i keep seeing her i probally will.

This makes me sound horrible because I'm worrying about me and not her but I feel in a mess.

Last edited by smithyuk; Yesterday at 11:13 PM.

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Don't assume that you caught herpes from her, or that you will if you continue to see her. I have been with many women and never passed it along, and that includes a lot of unprotected sex. I have chatted with married people who have been married decades and never passed it to their spouses.

Did you know that it is harder for a guy to catch it from a girl than vice versa? And if she takes daily antivirals she can cut the risk of transmission by 50%. Here is a link to a good post about transmission rates:


Have you ever had mono, chicken pox or a cold sore? If so, you already have herpes. All those are caused by the herpes virus. 80% of the adult population has it in one form or another.

Don't base your relationship decision soley on this virus. She is much more than a stoopid bug.

What she did was wrong in not telling you before you were intimate and you have a right to be mad, but concentrate on what qualities she had that made you want to be with her and try and move forward.

Come to the Chat Room and there you will meet many nice Herpsters who can offer you their support.

Good luck!


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Hey Smithy,

Your girl at least owned up to it, albeit later... I caught mine from an ex-partner who neglected to tell me; I met someone else and unknowingly passed it on to them...I felt terrible, so guilty and confronted the ex and she denied she had it; eventually the new partner ended up becoming my wife !

JB is right, the relationship is greater than this virus,

All the best !!

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nothing wrong in the way you feel or thinking about yourself. It does not matter she avoided sex while she had a outbreak there is a little thing called shreeding. as far as you being exposed or may have it there is a possiblity that your not effected. If she was not sheading at the time you wont have it. I would go to doc to be tested.

I can really symphized with you. Your story is close to mine. My ex had herpies did not tell me until after i got effected. Rubbers does not protect against getting it either. I know because my ex and I used condums 100 percent of the time. Rubber tear fall off etc

your right to be mad what she did was unforgivable. not only did she put you at risk but she robbed you of the right to make a choice and that is unforgivable.and she does not deserve another chance. What else has she not told you about?

Without honesty there cannot be a healthy relationship.

Again your not wrong in thinking about yourself.

Brake it off and go find yourself another girl who knows how to be honest because this present one of yours cannot

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here is some info you might find helpful

icon1.gif great info must read for every newly diagnosed

i found this on another sight and I am cross posting it here. It great info. Handbook and video too this is great for all newly diagnosed

this is a free online resource for you and your partner if you haven't read it already. Terri Warren keeps it up to date with the latest information. it has all the basic info on genital herpes you need.

If you don't mind paying money, she also wrote a book this year "the good news about the bad news". It really goes into the psychological side of having herpes more than the free handbook does. There is also a free patient counseling video on her site too if your provider didn't already give you the valtrex herpes packet with the dvd in it -

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    • WilsoInAus
      Hi there @ScubaSteeve and welcome to the website. If you have had genital HSV for 10 years there is a chance the testing did not distinguish type. The answers to the following questions will help a bit: - where are your outbreaks specifically and what frequency? - have you had any IgG antibody testing for HSV?
    • CHT
      Hi LLS.... I'm very sorry you are having so much discomfort from this outbreak.... the first outbreaks are always the most troublesome but  they will get less aggressive as time passes.  I personally find that valacyclovir is much more effective than just acyclovir so you may want to ask your doctor about switching and seeing if that helps.  Ask your doctor on Saturday if you really need to take a higher dose.... and as WilsoInAus suggested, I would ask for a 1,000 mg tablets with at least a 90 day supply to start.  As for pain, you may want to ask your doctor for a Rx of Zovirax ointment.... it contains acyclovir and the ointment form calms the sores down and reduces friction.... it should lessen the pain down there. As for diet, many people, myself included, learn what foods often act as triggers for outbreaks.  I can tell you from experience that the following are big outbreak triggers for me:   1. Too much caffeine (I've basically stopped coffee and have learned to enjoy a variety of decaf teas) 2. Any kind of nuts - including corn and even popcorn 3. Chocolate 4. Too much alcohol - particularly red wines  5. If possible, avoid any kind of steroids/immunosuppressants like prednisone in high doses.... anything that suppresses your immune system will give the virus free rein to run amuck - I learned this the hard way! 6, Stress.... although easier said than done, it will help with your overall health.  Studies show that stress is a common HSV outbreak trigger.... try to find a way to lower your stress levels. 7. lack of sleep.... personally, if I get less than 6  hours of sleep this often leads to an outbreak within a day or two.... work at getting a good 7-8 hours of solid sleep each night (I often use melatonin to help here). Some people find certain vitamins that boost the immune system, like zinc, help with overall healing and can lessen the severity of outbreaks and possibly prevent some outbreaks.  I personally take a number of antiviral/anti-inflammatory/anti-oxidant herbs/vitamins not so much for my HSV2 but for overall health (I don't have the healthiest of diets so, I feel I need to supplement to offset my lousy diet).  A google search of supplements that help with herpes will provide you with a long list of vitamins/herbs that may be of benefit but, try not to get carried away - many/most won't make much, if any, difference.... but, you can always experiment. As WilsoInAus also mentioned, a healthy diet is likely your best option. I should also mention that while some find vitamin C to be helpful, I found it to have the opposite effect.... the more I took the more it seemed to provoke outbreaks.   Things are always the toughest after initial infection.... it's going to get better, trust me.  Stick with the antiviral meds daily, try not to obsess on the fact you've contracted this virus, and try to avoid some of those triggers relating to outbreaks.  With time the number of outbreaks starts to decline and when you do have an outbreak, they will become less virulent. As WilsoInAus mentioned, a lot of your achiness, pain and overall flu-like symptoms are related to the fact your immune system is adjusting to this virus.... these lousy symptoms are just your immune system in action working to do its best to fight this virus... with time these symptoms will also lessen and disappear.   I hope this helps in some way.... please let us know if you have more questions.... and remember, go easy on yourself right now.... turn to those things in your life that calm you and also distract you from obsessing over the virus situation.  You are going to be just fine.... just give yourself some time to get past this initial unpleasant phase.... it will get better, I promise.    
    • Justme88
    • ScubaSteeve
      I was diagnosed with HPV2 ten years ago, which I contracted from an ex-girlfriend who was unaware she had it. Since then, I've lived a reserved life, not really opening up to others. There was only one person I felt interested in enough to share this with, but it didn't work out. There have been a few instances where I've let my guard down, had a night out, and ended up sleeping with someone. I know I should feel guilty about not discussing it beforehand, but I found it challenging because they know my family, and it felt overwhelming at the time, and I had alot of pent up desires from not ever being with someone for a long time.  After finally opening up to someone and realizing it wasn't the end of the world, I now understand that finding the right partner might be a matter of numbers. I desire to have more intimate relationships but need to find better ways to approach this topic and ensure I never spread it.  Thank you all for providing a space where I can be myself.
    • i82much2young
      My swab results won’t be ready for another 5 days. Is there any harm is continuing the Valacyclovir? I was prescribed 1gm tablets for 10 days.
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