Confused and Unsure of How to Feel

[BetrayedLady]

Hello everyone,

I was dating this guy for quite some time, about 5 months. The day after christmas we had sex. I was fine. A few days we had an argument in which I found out that he had cheated on me on New Years. I took a home pregnancy test immediately and made an appointment to see my GYN. While waiting for my appointment to come I started noticing changes. I was itchy and it burned when I peed. I cried myself to sleep in fear of what could possibly be happening to me. I went to see my doctor and she gave me the news that I have herpes. She recommended this site and a few other if I didn't want to go to a support group meeting. Right now to be honest I don't know how to feel. I'm angry and confused. I'm really just wondering how am I supposed to live life?? How can I be sure that I won't infect my family. My younger sister and my mother live with me. Needless to say I broke up with this guy. How do i go forth and have any sort of relationship ever again? How can I think of having children now. I've been trying to read as much as I can on the internet but it doesn't leave me very hopeful about my life.

[dinki]

Hey i can totally relate! i was with my boyfriend for almost a yr and then one day bam i had herpes. Finally i found too that he had cheated on me....let's just say that relationship is over, I don't want to be sitting at home and HIV would be brought to me either. First things first get tested, get your results, get on your pills, and prepare yourself mentally for good and bad days. It still hurts and i want to hurt him so bad for changing my life but in the long run i would only hurt myself. What has happened has happened, be thankful he didn't give u hepatitis C or worse HIV! Im currently on acyclovir suppressive therapy and even though it sucks now to have to take pills twice every day, it actually makes a difference. I have put dating on the back burner now and i am focusing on me.You will feel horrible some days and other days you will feel the same, this is one virus that fucks with you psychologically so take every day in strides. One thing that would make you feel better is researching and keeping up to date with herpes research. tk care and be strong.

[oblong]

Hi - Really sorry to hear your story. I just wanted to let you know that you've come to a great site for support and you WILL definitely get that support here - I came on here 2 days ago with a herpes related problem - I was pretty much feeling suicidal at the time. I got support straightaway and everyone was so kind to me. Two days later, and I now feel like I have started to get some control back and, specifically because of the support I was given on this site, I have started to take positive steps to sorting things out. Please hang in there as I'd lay money on it that you will get a lot of kind people posting to you on here and your spirit will start to improve pretty quickly. OK, in response to some of your points of concern - firstly, I'm no expert but I'm 99.999999% certain that your family are completely safe and you won't pass herpes on to them. Secondly, again, I'm no expert, but I pretty certain you can still have children when you have herpes - loads of women on here have got children - as far as I know, you just have to let the medical staff know so they can monitor things but I'm pretty sure it's not a big deal and nothing to worry about. Thirdly, in terms of dating in the future, this isn't as tricky as it might seem - everyone is internet dating these days and there's quite a few internet dating sites for people who have herpes (so if you date someone with herpes, the issue of passing it on effectively is no longer an issue as you both have it already Please try to stay positive - the last thing I want to say is that, based on what you've written, I'm guessing you're in the middle of a herpes break out at the moment - once that has passed and everything seems like it's back to how it normally is down below, you'll feel a WHOLE lot less upset. I hope this all helps a bit...

[BetrayedLady]

thank you both for responding. i got tested at the gyn she prescribed acyclovir in the form of a gel and valtrex pills that i just started taking today. emotionally i'm all over the place. i'm angry, i'm sad, i want to be tough and do what i need to do to take care of myself and i want to cry. i'm numb. i don't know how to tell anyone. i don't know what to say and i'm scared of people's reactions. its only been a day and already i'm so tired of presenting a happy face to people at work and at home. i want to just hide and cry. i came home from the pharmacy yesterday after leaving the gyn and i started to cry. i had to stop because my niece asked auntie why are you crying. i told her it was cold outside and the weather made me cry. i know that there is no use crying over spilt milk so to say but it doesn't stop me from wanting to.

[oblong]

Your response is completely natural and normal - going from not having this virus which (unfairly) has a real stigma attached to it to having it, is a shock to the system. However, please rest assured that once this break out you are having now has cleared in the next couple of weeks or so, things will start to calm down (physically and psychologically) - you'll get back onto an even platform. In terms of its appearance, your body will go back to normal and you life will go back to how it was. The only difference now in terms of how you relate to others is that if you want to have sex with someone, you will need to make sure they know in advance (check the brilliant advice on how to do that on this site) and then take a few precautions to make it safe for them - then carry on as normal

[norcallove]

Hi. Sorry to hear about your story and to hear you were cheated on. I know you're experiencing a lot of emotions right now, it is like an emotional roller coaster in the beginning, but it gets better. I can say that from personal experience. This site has helped me a lot. Stat - I'm glad the site has helped you too. I was diagnosed with GHSV2 almost 6 weeks ago. I was a mess when I left the doctors office, found this site, and did the typical first post. I had a lot of the same emotions as you. It has gotten a lot better for me though, and it will get better for you as well with time.

There is a lot of great information to the right and a lot of supportive members who understand what you're going through. As for having children, you can still have children. Look at the having children tab under the life and love tab to the right. You can still have a natural child birth as long as you are not having an active OB. There are numerous people on here that gave birth to healthy and happy children even though they have H. My doctor told me I could still have children as well. Also, your family will be safe. You can only spread this virus from skin to skin contact. Just make sure to wash your hands after you use the restroom or touch yourself down there - which I'm sure you'd do anyways.

Try to remember that you are the same great person you were before H. Don't let it change your or define you. It is just a skin condition - a common and mostly harmless virus. A lot of people kept telling me that and it seemed to help thinking about it like that. I know its hard, but just try to remain positive. It will get better. There are also a lot of success stories of people who date people without H and tons of success stories of giving the "talk". Plus, it tends to weed out the crappy guys I had my 1st OB 4 months into dating a guy (no one cheated, seems that it was dormant in me for awhile....), he does not have it, from the second I told him he just wanted to make sure I was ok and wanted to stay with me and said nothing changed. See - there is hope! I hope you're doing even better by the time you read this. Take care.

[Always Persevere]

Betrayed, I know how you feel. My story is different in that I have no idea who infected me. Whoever it was either knew and didn't tell me, or had no idea. There are so many feelings that come with this diagnosis. I want to encourage you to look at it like it's a health problem, not an STD. Everyone in America has some sort of health problem. Heart problems, lungs, kidneys. We just happen to have a little pesky skin condition. I found it really hard to deal with the stigma more than the actual virus. People have all sorts of messed up perceptions about it, and frequent jokes about it don't help either. I want to encourage you to let yourself feel. It's ok to be sad and angry and confused. Hell I still cry at times just from what is going on inside of me. But please know that you aren't alone by any means!! There are millions of people affected by this. More people have herpes than have diabetes. That's a whole lot of people! Only people with herpes aren't able to admit it as freely without feeling dissaproved of. You are suppose to live life to it's fullest. You won't infect your family unless you are rubbing your skin where you are infected against them. I know it feels hopeless right now, but you will have relationships again. In the past five years, I have never had anyone reject me after telling them what I have (although I have just told someone and still waiting for his response) . You will just have to be more cautious and up front with people. You can definitely still have children, but some extra precautions may be needed. The internet does present a dim picture, but don't give up! I think they make it sound a hundred times worse than it actually is.

[BetrayedLady]

I just wanted to respond and say thank you. You guys were right. I have my good days and I have my bad days. Some days worse than others. I don't really mind taking the pills everyday anymore. It's kind of like just taking vitamins. What I struggle with is the Stigma. Since January I've told some friends and my mom. Everyone tries there best to be there for me. I think they are worried I'll fall into depression or something. It's sweet and appreciated but I do resent it sometimes. It's hard to go back to my normal life when everyday someone wants to ask me "Are you okay?" But I'm rambling. I just wanted to say thank you for the support.

[Kat93]

I can so relate I just had hay happen a couple days ago tho. My boyfriend said I was cheated on him because supposedly he doesn't have herpes and so it got so bad that I cried and my mom took me to the hospital. I asked my boyfriend to go and he said he'd be their when I got out, he called left a voicemail saying he is on his way home because he didn't think I was in the hospital still. Well it tore me up so bad, I just couldn't believe he wasn't their for me. Now after I told him i had it he hasn't talked to me at all. He keeps saying I got it from someone else what do I do.?

[Ultraman]

I can so relate I just had hay happen a couple days ago tho. My boyfriend said I was cheated on him because supposedly he doesn't have herpes and so it got so bad that I cried and my mom took me to the hospital. I asked my boyfriend to go and he said he'd be their when I got out, he called left a voicemail saying he is on his way home because he didn't think I was in the hospital still. Well it tore me up so bad, I just couldn't believe he wasn't their for me. Now after I told him i had it he hasn't talked to me at all. He keeps saying I got it from someone else what do I do.?

Sounds like this guy is either a jerk or immature and probably not worth your time to stay in a relationship with.