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I feel so lost.


RadioLove

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I recently met a friend of my brother-in-law's. We started hanging out and a week later he got hurt on the job. He stayed with me and I did everything from changing his bandages, made him meals and even did his laundry while he stayed with me. About a week into this, he said he wanted us to be together as a couple. We've been dating for a month now.

About five days ago he started getting sick, mostly fever, upset stomach, headaches and such. I started getting a fever and on the third day of my fever I noticed some sores. When I told him he said the most devastating things to me... I remember telling him once I was sitting in the tub and he made a comment about "disinfecting yourself won't work". I haven't been to the doctor for a formal diagnosis because I am on very limited funds and have to health insurance. I am hoping to get a spot for an appointment for the local health department but it's proving very difficult as they have limited spots.

He called later that night and apologized for saying those hurtful things to me. He said he could have easily infected me and that he read a lot about it online. He said he doesn't know if he wants to be with me anymore. He's coming over today to pick up his stuff and drop mine off. I've accepted him leaving me. Now I feel like I am facing this alone and the one person who should have stuck around is abandoning me.

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First of all... what a jerk. You obviously cared about this guy and gave it your all, you were honest with him and in response he reacted poorly. Shame on him. You are never alone. There are so many people here who have experienced similar things, far better or worse. We all have a different story. It is so hard in the beginning, but please keep your head up! I randomly got a blood test that came back positive when I had no symptoms. Five years later I had my first outbreak. So what you are experiencing may not even be from anything recently.

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Thank you so much. Unfortunately, things have gotten worse... After work he called me and said he needed to talk to me. He has a fleshy bump on his shaft now and he's upset with me all over again... turns out he was getting back with his ex of two years ( she cheated on him ) and to be with his son. He blames me for not being able to go back now.

I feel used.

It gets worse as he told his mom and I had to face her when I came over to talk to him at his place. She didn't even look up at me and just walked by really quickly. He told his best female friend, and he forced me to call my sister and brother in law and tell them I have herpes and I made him sick.

He's afraid that he'll infect his son, step daughter and was even entertaining the idea of really working it out with his ex. He says once he tells her " I was f***ing around with some girl in Atlanta and got herpes " she'll kick him back out and never let him see his son. Yeah, so our short relationship was all just a way to burn some extra free time for him... way to make me feel worse.

I feel so guilty... neither of us had symptoms before a week ago. I made some mistakes in my life and it's difficult to argue that he may have as easily infected me. I don't want to aggravate this anymore so I just take all the weight on my shoulders.

My sister said I shouldn't freak out until I get tested. I can't really go anywhere Sunday so I wait until Monday to find someplace to get tested. It's painful to urinate and I am seeing small amounts of blood in the urine now. I have a daughter who lives with me and I am constantly in fear of infecting her.

The only support I have is a male friend who listened to me cry... he didn't criticize me or make jokes like everyone else did. It's devastating enough to wake up one morning feeling like the flu is coming and three days later find sores.

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Damn it! I had a whole reply typed and then I clicked cancel! Well here goes again..

First off. Get tested. Have him get tested. If you both have never been tested for this before, then there is no use to place blame. It is impossible to tell who got it first or where. I had the H for five years and then had my first outbreak. Blaming people makes you feel like you aren't at fault, but it doesn't really help the situation. He needs to accept responsibility. You sleep with someone which means you take a risk. Period.

As far as his ex wife goes, that has nothing to do with you. That is his business and is not your fault. You can't control him or his relationships etc... let that go. Sounds like he isn't that much of a stellar guy anyhow. I know, easier said then done.

I understand why you would feel used, it's like this guy was just lying to you and filling in his time! What a jerk....

It is always hard when someone you tell informs other people. I hate this, as people often have huge mis-perceptions on the H. They make having the H even worse with their comments and actions. Honestly, this thing isn't as bad as it seems. Put it into perspective. You wouldn't shun someone with cold sores or shingles or chicken pox. You would just stay away from them while they were having an outbreak. It is the same damn thing just that people get all riled up because of the "STD" title. It isn't right, but that's the way it is. I would encourage you to not go off of what other people think or say, form your own opinion. Things will get better over time.

As far as infecting family and friends... this is nearly impossible, so wherever he is getting his info, it's incorrect. As long as his sores don't come into contact with his family then they are fine. You can't catch it from toilet seats, towels, etc... so how could they get it? He is just being ignorant now and trying to make you feel bad.

You said you've made mistakes in your life... that is no reason why you should have the H. No one deserves this, no one did anything to get it. It just is. We rolled and unlucky number. I know people who took far more risks than I who came up with nothing. Don't blame yourself for this... Life just is.

If you are seeing blood in your urine, you may have a urinary tract infection as well. Putting a zinc like compound (like a cream) can help with the itching/burning and taking vitamin C, Lysine bioflavinoids will decrease the time of the outbreak. I'm mentioning these because they are all over the counter. You will not infect your daughter. Not unless you are touching the open sores, not washing your hands then touching her eyes or mouth or genitals. Under prevention, read the "How you can prevent spreading herpes". Good info.

It is devastating to discover some foreign critter hitching a ride on your body, but please don't despair. You are more than your vagina. Keep your head up... things will improve. I read a quote today that helped me out, and I hope it will encourage you as well.

"Never talk defeat, use words like hope, belief, faith and victory"

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Fearing the things we don't know enough about or care enough to learn about is pretty silly but it's easy. I've been doing a lot of reading and going over different parts of the forum and I am feeling a bit better about this now.

I am dreading the appointment for the diagnosis but in a way I am ready for it to be done and over with so I know what I am facing.

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"Fearing the things we don't know enough about or care enough to learn about is pretty silly but it's easy" Radiolove~this is a profound statement that applies to so many aspects and situations in life. You obviously have a good head on your shoulders. Keep yourself away from this toxic man. There are better things and people in life for you. Let us know how you are doing. (((HUGS)))

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Dear RadioLove,

You are not alone, I promise. There is nothing worse than being heartbroken by a miserable guy and then having to deal with health problems and a possible herpes diagnosis. No matter what happens at the doctor's office, please know that you will be okay, and once again, you are not alone. :wavey:See? For some reason, this little smiley-face that waves seems to make me feel better.

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If he started being sick before you, but just with symptoms of another viral illness/infection, and you then got sick, then it is possible that HE gave this to YOU. If he was ill, then his immune system would have been impaired, allowing the virus to surface and hence infect you.

However, you CAN find out for sure. Get a herpes blood test, NOW. If you test negative at this point, then you have contracted the virus very recently and he probably infected you. If your blood test is positive, then you have had herpes for more than 3-6 months and may well have infected him.

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what a dog he gives you herpies and had the gall to say what he said then to actually leave as if this your faulk when it his. girl he a dog and your better off without him good ridinese for bad rubbage if you ask me. This man odvously does not care about anyone but himself and is a danger to anyone he meets.

i cannot beleive he did this to you after all you done for him. here is some helpful info for you and a very good video to watch

great info must read for every newly diagnosed

i found this on another sight and I am cross posting it here. It great info. Handbook and video too this is great for all newly diagnosed

this is a free online resource for you and your partner if you haven't read it already. Terri Warren keeps it up to date with the latest information. it has all the basic info on genital herpes you need.

If you don't mind paying money, she also wrote a book this year "the good news about the bad news". It really goes into the psychological side of having herpes more than the free handbook does. There is also a free patient counseling video on her site too if your provider didn't already give you the valtrex herpes packet with the dvd in it -

Linda

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I've been reading how the blood test results and a visual/blister swab culture could possibly give me a window of time to figure out if he did infect me or vise versa... I'm not trying to pin it on anyone though I just want to know what I have. We both made mature ( not always smart though... ) choices in this matter and now I have to live with the consequences.

I did cry over him... the deception just ruined all the good I saw in him as a person. I'm done being sad and hurt over someone as vile as he is. I caught him at his "fiance's" house when he said he was in the "mountains" and it's been made perfectly crystal clear that the police will be called if he comes anywhere near my home. I'm not concerned with him anymore and when this damn snow/ice is gone, I am ready to go forward and take this head on.

Thanks Linda, I'm not going to let this change who I am.

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remember you are not alone! it is hard because nobody ever talks about it so you feel like the only one but just in my opinion it sounds like he had it first, don't worry about him and just think of yourself! I am only 7 days into finding out and I promise it gets better everyday! keep your head up!

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    • sgt98
      Hey @WilsoInAus ok thank you, I will do my best to move on and stop trawling forums haha. 
    • WilsoInAus
      Hey @sgt98 but there is no feasible infection or outbreak to suppress and antivirals do not suppress an initial outbreak in any event 
    • sgt98
      Thanks @WilsoInAus I understand apologies for this but the only other thing I am worried about is that I did take a course of Famvir on day 1 as I felt like I was having an outbreak of cold sores and am worried that has suppressed the initial outbreak genitally 
    • WilsoInAus
      Hi @sgt98 it is not feasible to obtain a HSV-2 infection from receiving oral sex - only HSV-1 is feasible but you've already got that and immunity from any further infection with HSV-1. You do not need any further tests for HSV. You're feeling regret, try to forgive yourself and calm down, let the rational take over. You know the answer here and it won't be long until you believe it too.
    • WilsoInAus
      Hi @NerdP423 and welcome to the website. You raise a lot of points and I think the best way to address your concerns is add some comments at each key point. I've copied your note again below and added these comments in square brackets. I appreciate any insight (even speculation) as to what has been going on with me. I'm a 37y/o M. I last was intimate with a new partner on 2/11/2022, and a few days later started having a huge amount of discomfort in my face. [The first thing that happens though is that herpes causes lesions or at least some skin based disruption. Other symptoms are then related to the actions of the immune system responding to the virus. Without lesions, it is highly questionable that the ailment is related to herpes, yet testing is useful if you have concerns as you have done so.] About a month after that [herpes causes issues within days, if the first 'symptoms' are a month later - its extremely unlikely they are related to herpes], significant discomfort downstairs, however every test I have ever taken for HSV 1 and 2 has been negative. Here are the details: Face: Previously, some significant tingling and itching on the right side of my mouth, lips and chin (still there, but milder) [herpes does not cause general tingling and itching, it can cause a reasonably concentrated feeling of itch/throb from which a herpes lesion appears within hours]. Occasional hot flashes near my right eye, cheek and ear [herpes does not do this, it may be a immune response to something, or stress]. Sometimes it will feel like the skin is crawling on the right side of my face [herpes does not cause a general crawling sensation]. Never seen anything that looked like a traditional cold sore [that's extremely telling, even people with associated atypical symptoms will have experienced herpes lesions]. Occasionally, the left side of my face will have a momentary feeling of skin crawling, but it's so mild that I am not really worried about it. Downstairs: Thankfully, most of these are now milder than they were before. Occasional momentary pinch of pain at the base of my genitals. [herpes does not cause a general pinch feeling.] Aching pain in my boxer area (groin, leg folds) [nor this] Occasional feeling of cold in my boxer area, butt, or lower back. ( also in my shins and occasionally even my arms) [nor this] On 4/30/2022, I had been in discomfort for almost two months. I scratched an itch, noticed it hurt, and then checked - I did have an open ulcer down there. Took myself to the ER to get swabbed, came back negative. [If this was a PCR then this will be very conclusive.] Practitioner said it may come back negative because it was already open. However the lab report noted that it definitely didn't look like what you'd expect a typical first herpes outbreak to look like [how would the lab know??]. All blood tests negative so far. I had two western blots, the second one was nine months after exposure. [Two negative Westernblots!!! Many that's real convincing]. All other swabs also negative. I went to urgent care, because I know the timeliness of when the Swab is taken matters. One time, a swab was not done, because practitioner said it was folliculitis and wouldn't swab it (It was at my belt line). [Belt line is highly unlikely to relate to herpes.]   A blood test revealed I had low-ish B12 (technically in range, but at the very low end, especially for a man of my size). I had a series of B12 injections, and I am taking a B12 supplement. I am not taking any lysine or arginine at the moment. I was taking the Arganine to see if I could induce an outbreak. [This is irrelevant, there is no known linkage between herpes outbreaks and arginine/lysine intake - its a myth - and B12 infers nothing.] I think what I am asking is - has anyone here ever repeatedly tested negative over and over again over long period of time, before getting a definitive answer, be a positive test, or something else? [The answer to this is: Extremely few people with a HSV-1 infection and even more rarely HSV-2 test repeatedly negative on Westernblot and actually carry the virus. Of the cases that I know of that had delayed detection by a swab and negative blood tests in the meantime (and that's only 3-4 cases), they had some form of lesions within days of infection but did not obtain a swab for various reasons and then obtained a positive swab of a subsequent lesion with the record being 11 months later. A couple of the cases did have some 'background' symptoms they thought might be related to herpes but that isn't ascertained and some did not have any unusual symptoms at all apart from the lesions. Hence as you did not have lesions around your mouth or lips within days of the last sexual encounter as is exceptionally common for a primary oral HSV-1 infection, that pretty much rules out herpes orally as it is. The fact that you had no genital symptoms for a month also rules out genital herpes. I am not aware of anyone at all who has genuinely gone on to test positive by swab or blood in your specific circumstances. There are hundreds if not more than a thousand experiences on this website alone that are similar to yours that are truly negative for herpes I'm one of them!]  
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