Doesn't understand why me. So many questions.

[Aubrey]

Never thought it could happen to me. Laid in bed for a week, no contact with anyone, with very suicidal thoughts. Should I be mad at myself? Or the person who gave me this horrible virus.

[package deal]

you should not be mad at yourself. why should you ? You did not give this to yourself be mad at the person who gave it to you. if your seriuosly having suicidal thoughts then you should seek out help immediatly

[Sunshine2you]

Dear Aubrey,

I'm so sorry that you're going through such an upsetting time right now. First, please know that you're not alone...not with your diagnosis, your questions, your pain, or your depression. When I was diagnosed a month ago, I felt like I had been kicked in the stomach. Many other members will tell you about their shock, anger, and sadness as well. You have every right to grieve, and you have every right to be angry at the situation. Please don't be angry with yourself, because you didn't ask for this. As for the person who you think gave it to you, I don't know whether he knows he has it or not. If he knows and he had sex with you and didn't tell you, then I would definitely be upset with him...very understandable.

I do understand the suicidal thoughts, and I think they are normal, also, to a point. Lots of people feel like their worlds are coming to an end when they are first diagnosed (I did, too). If you really think you are suicidal, please call a suicide hotline immediately and talk with someone. Herpes is not worth a precious life such as yours.

Once again, you are not alone, and I'm so glad you reached out to other people in this forum. I have gotten a lot of comfort from other members, and I hope I can give you some comfort as well. Your sun will come out again, even if it doesn't seem like it now. Just take one minute at a time, even if it means just getting out of bed and into a nice warm bath. Then, take it from there. Good luck, and I hope you feel better soon.

[curiouskaren]

I understand what Aubrey is feeling. sometime I feel dirty and unworthy. I'm single (my boyfriend broke up with me), depressed and confused (but not suicidal). I want my OLD life back and cant. I want to be in a relationship, but dont know where to start.

[dinki]

Oh Aubrey, please let those emotions flow but don't let it consume you! I know exactly how you feel hun, I got it from my ex who broke up with me and went back to an old girlfriend of his who he's probably going to infect as well. I thought i could handle this disgusting virus if i was with someone and i didnt have to give the talk to anbody ele or be alone, but all of that changed! i also felt dirty, damaged and actually had a well thought out suicide plan but i ended up not doing it Thank God. So it is ok to feel the way you are feeling right now, but one day and i hope soon you will get to that point where you love yourself again! yea its ok to be mad at the person who did this to you but focus on getting better, taking your pills and being yourself again.This forum would help a lot with that and i believe one day there would be a treatment to completely suppress this virus or at least prevent others from getting it and it'll make living with this easier. tk care