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phoenixlove

Wait..I am not ready for this ..

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phoenixlove

I just found out 2 days ago I have herpes on my vag.? I just left my husband after 6 years I am not sure how,when or where I got it! I was born with oral herpes due to the fact my mother passed it along during child birth as an infant I had it in my throat and mouth so grownig up I was used to my 2 breakouts on my lip no big deal. Never even thought about it much. I may have had B.o while married and thought It was a yeast infection or u.t.i I almost am positive but the b.o were nothing like the one that just landed me in planned parenthood with my new relationship. The pain was so bad I am sure I would remember it! BACKPAIN and PELVIC pain was by far the worst I could not get through work (bartending is not easy with blisters,chills,fatuige and the body achs) I may have transferred this from my breakout on my lips to my genitals 3 weeks ago.I told my x husband and new boyfriend both were understanding but you see as most of you may understand I love sex I am a very sexual chick,I have found power in my sexuality and hace been bi sexual my whole life! Now I Feel like all that was stripped away and I am a sick,discusting peice of garbage who is worthless as a woman! I am still waiting on if its hsv 1 or 2 what ever the hell that even means how do I know if my boyfriend or my x-husband were carriers? the doctor said blood test wont show if my boyfriend has it if he does not have a breakout...huh? I had sex in the beg, of this b.o so how do I know if I gave him this? When will I know? I feel so bad ! How sexy am I now that I gave you herpes? how will my life be now being single? Is oral out the question will I never be able to freely enjoy all that sex can offer? Can my kids get it from my towels? I need info bad! I have been researching non stop I AM OBSESSED its unhealthy...Is there life after this??? god I hope this site helps, I am a lost soul ! I went from a beautiful,fun,confident sexual woman to a gross,low self esteem,debbie downer in 48 hours I am on valtrex can my partner take it as a precaution? HELP! :madd:

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RealisticGal
I just found out 2 days ago I have herpes on my vag.? I just left my husband after 6 years I am not sure how,when or where I got it! I was born with oral herpes due to the fact my mother passed it along during child birth as an infant I had it in my throat and mouth so grownig up I was used to my 2 breakouts on my lip no big deal. Never even thought about it much. I may have had B.o while married and thought It was a yeast infection or u.t.i I almost am positive but the b.o were nothing like the one that just landed me in planned parenthood with my new relationship. The pain was so bad I am sure I would remember it! BACKPAIN and PELVIC pain was by far the worst I could not get through work (bartending is not easy with blisters,chills,fatuige and the body achs) I may have transferred this from my breakout on my lips to my genitals 3 weeks ago.I told my x husband and new boyfriend both were understanding but you see as most of you may understand I love sex I am a very sexual chick,I have found power in my sexuality and hace been bi sexual my whole life! Now I Feel like all that was stripped away and I am a sick,discusting peice of garbage who is worthless as a woman! I am still waiting on if its hsv 1 or 2 what ever the hell that even means how do I know if my boyfriend or my x-husband were carriers? the doctor said blood test wont show if my boyfriend has it if he does not have a breakout...huh? I had sex in the beg, of this b.o so how do I know if I gave him this? When will I know? I feel so bad ! How sexy am I now that I gave you herpes? how will my life be now being single? Is oral out the question will I never be able to freely enjoy all that sex can offer? Can my kids get it from my towels? I need info bad! I have been researching non stop I AM OBSESSED its unhealthy...Is there life after this??? god I hope this site helps, I am a lost soul ! I went from a beautiful,fun,confident sexual woman to a gross,low self esteem,debbie downer in 48 hours I am on valtrex can my partner take it as a precaution? HELP! :madd:

You have a lot of questions, which is normal. Your feelings of disgust and shame are also normal at this point, but that is only because herpes has a stupid stigma attached to it. That stigma is recent, only for a few decades, although herpes has been around for thousands of years.

Anyway, it is a virus. It does not matter who a person is, herpes does not respect any boundaries. But it also does not change who you are at all unless you let it. You are still the sexy, powerful person you've been.

You have found a good site with a wealth of balanced information here. The links on the right side of this page should help you.

I will say this --- your doctor is mistaken about blood tests. About 70% of those infected with HSV do not know it because they have not had recognizable symptoms, however a blood antibody test WILL show that they have herpes whether they have had an outbreak or not.

You are assuming you spread this from your oral/facial area to your genitals. But it is also quite possible that you got it from someone else. That could include any of your previous intimate partners, who might not have even known they had it.

I will also say that sex is not what makes you worthy. But also, there is no reason you cannot still enjoy a full, active sex life. You may need to tap the brakes for a moment and change the way you do things (i.e., you need to disclose that you have herpes to potential intimate partners), but you need not come to a full stop.

It will probably take some time and education for you to get back to seeing yourself as you used to. That's okay, take all the time you need. Education is power.

About the valtrex question. I've never heard of an uninfected person taking it as a precaution. Wouldn't make sense to me, as the way it is supposed to protect is by decreasing viral shedding in the person who is infected. But just because I've never heard of it, doesn't mean it doesn't exist.

Just for what it is worth, I am the uninfected partner of a man who told me he had herpes prior to us becoming intimate. There are a bunch of others here with similar stories (couples who are serodiscordant --- where one has herpes and the other doesn't). It is possible to have a sex life including all the stuff you want to do. It just means you have to discuss it and decide how to proceed --- what precautions to take, which to ignore --- and then go from there.

So explore the links and the forum discussions here. Ask questions. I believe it will help you a lot.

Take care... :wavey:

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phoenixlove

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply, I am a 35 year old mother of 2 and I always am in control of everything around me and I am a strong woman who can always deal with every situation with a calm outlook and now I am spinning out of control and your calm and sweet words just made me stop for the first time in days and breath..I can not sleep or function very well right now. Thank you for stopping my spinning top for the moment!

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RealisticGal
Thank you so much for taking the time to reply, I am a 35 year old mother of 2 and I always am in control of everything around me and I am a strong woman who can always deal with every situation with a calm outlook and now I am spinning out of control and your calm and sweet words just made me stop for the first time in days and breath..I can not sleep or function very well right now. Thank you for stopping my spinning top for the moment!

Gosh, it makes me feel really good that I could help you remember to breathe. That oxygen in and out thing is quite important.

Sleep is very important too. Without it, our immune systems get bogged down which is likely to cause increased outbreaks of herpes, along with even worse stuff. But I totally understand how worries like this can make sleep elusive.

I'm a bit of a controller myself, but with a bit more age on me, I have come to understand that some things you simply have to let go and let them be. Loosen your grip a bit and you may find a lot more ease. Take a nice warm bath (if that is your thing) or whatever will help you relax and get some rest.

Just a quick note: If your current partner did happen to get herpes from you, rather than the other way around, it can take a while to show up in a blood antibody test.

What tests did you have done to confirm that you have genital herpes yourself?

Is your partner going to get tested? It would be a good idea for him to get a type specific IgG-based blood antibody test done right away, as a baseline.

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phoenixlove

I was having a breakout so I had a swab of sores internal and on labia done(ouch) My X-husband and partner are both going to get blood test. My partner now should wait then? I guess I will have him call his pcp or is there a certain kind of doctor for him to go to? my X husband is going at the end of the week . Do you get scared ever that you may be at risk or do you just know so much that you feel very comfortable? It gives me some hope to a healthy sex life in my future...what does IgG stand for? Also If I have a latex allergy do you know if the lambskin condoms I use are still just as safe?

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RealisticGal
I was having a breakout so I had a swab of sores internal and on labia done(ouch) My X-husband and partner are both going to get blood test. My partner now should wait then? I guess I will have him call his pcp or is there a certain kind of doctor for him to go to? my X husband is going at the end of the week . Do you get scared ever that you may be at risk or do you just know so much that you feel very comfortable? It gives me some hope to a healthy sex life in my future...what does IgG stand for? Also If I have a latex allergy do you know if the lambskin condoms I use are still just as safe?

Did the lab "type" the culture of your sores? Do you know if you have HSV1 or HSV2?

If I were your partner, I would want to find out my current status with a blood test right away ---- with the knowledge that I might need to get tested again in a few months if it comes up negative at this point.

It all depends on your guy's PCP as far as whether or not he is a good resource for getting an accurate herpes test. Your partner should call him and ask about whether or not he uses Type Specific IgG-based blood testing for herpes. Get a feel for the knowledge and attitude, and also ask SPECIFICALLY what test kit they will use to test him. If they use the old technology of IgM-only testing, or if they try to say that if he has not had an outbreak a blood test won't tell him anything, I would suggest going to an STI clinic such as Planned Parenthood.

As for me, I have learned enough about HSV that it does not scare me. I recognize that if I get it, I might have a bad time with it, at least for a while. But I also recognize that there are far worse things in this world.

Here is information about the most accurate type of blood tests (IgG-based Type Specific tests):

How To Get An Accurate Herpes Blood Test

I've read that the lambskin condoms are not effective at blocking the herpes viral particles. Just remember that with herpes, there is no such thing as 100% safe sex anyway. Condoms only cover a small portion of the "boxer shorts" area on a man. Same is true of the female condom. There is still a lot of skin surface that could be shedding virus that is not covered by any type of condom. Antivirals are probably a more efficient way to cut down on the chance of transmitting herpes, but of course condoms do protect against other things.

Hope this helps.

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