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Dealing with this...


Pepper2006

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After reading (again) about herpes I stumbled on this site... I was relieved to find it and wonder how I've gone the last 9 months without it. I've looked through a few of the stories and can't help but notice so many similarities.

I was diagnosed with herpes last spring. Three weeks after having sex with my boyfriend I was diagnosed with genital herpes. At first I didn't know what was worse, the physical or the emotional pain that I suffered when I experienced that first outbreak. Luckily after a few days and an antiviral medication the physical pain went away but my emotional pain has yet to leave.

I am now single and dating and fear the moment that I find someone that I'm completely attracted to... I fear having someone that becomes attracted to me because at some we're going to have to discuss the issue of herpes which is something terribly difficult for me to do.

I can only hope that the stories shared here will help improve how I deal with having this virus and how to go about informing a potential partner.

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Read as much as you can here and visit live chat as well. You will find people that have been faced with giving "the talk" :)

Also visit the Secret to our Success posting area where you will see that life does go on, and you don't have to imagine the worst.

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Hi Pepper,

Thank you for your post. I'm having a lot of the same worries that you are having now. I was diagnosed last month. After finding out that my ex-boyfriend had lied to me about a lot of things, including his sexual partners, I thought it would be a good idea to get tested for STDs, and unfortunately the herpes test was positive. For awhile, I was still so heartbroken about the end of this relationship (and all the lies) that it was easier to concentrate on that instead of the herpes diagnosis. Now that I'm slowly getting over the guy, I'm starting to deal with the herpes diagnosis, and I am very sad and scared. I, too, dread having to tell a potential partner, almost to the point where I don't want to even think about dating someone again. However, I keep telling myself that if someone loves me enough, he'll love me inspite of the herpes. If he doesn't want to be with me just because of that, then he obviously isn't the right person for me. I know this is one of those "easier said than done" scenarios, but I like to think that something good will one day come out of this. I hope something good happens for you, too, because you deserve it. Good luck, and I hope you feel better soon.

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@MrHonest

Thank you. I've been looking throughout the site and have already found so many resources and positive stories to help ease my anxiety.

@Sunshine2you

You're right, it is definitely easier said than done but I agree that something good will come of this. I refuse to let this define me. I know I am so much more than a diagnosis... So are you! I know its going to be a struggle but I'm confident that with time it'll become easier to deal with. Best of luck to you too!

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    • sgt98
      Hey @WilsoInAus ok thank you, I will do my best to move on and stop trawling forums haha. 
    • WilsoInAus
      Hey @sgt98 but there is no feasible infection or outbreak to suppress and antivirals do not suppress an initial outbreak in any event 
    • sgt98
      Thanks @WilsoInAus I understand apologies for this but the only other thing I am worried about is that I did take a course of Famvir on day 1 as I felt like I was having an outbreak of cold sores and am worried that has suppressed the initial outbreak genitally 
    • WilsoInAus
      Hi @sgt98 it is not feasible to obtain a HSV-2 infection from receiving oral sex - only HSV-1 is feasible but you've already got that and immunity from any further infection with HSV-1. You do not need any further tests for HSV. You're feeling regret, try to forgive yourself and calm down, let the rational take over. You know the answer here and it won't be long until you believe it too.
    • WilsoInAus
      Hi @NerdP423 and welcome to the website. You raise a lot of points and I think the best way to address your concerns is add some comments at each key point. I've copied your note again below and added these comments in square brackets. I appreciate any insight (even speculation) as to what has been going on with me. I'm a 37y/o M. I last was intimate with a new partner on 2/11/2022, and a few days later started having a huge amount of discomfort in my face. [The first thing that happens though is that herpes causes lesions or at least some skin based disruption. Other symptoms are then related to the actions of the immune system responding to the virus. Without lesions, it is highly questionable that the ailment is related to herpes, yet testing is useful if you have concerns as you have done so.] About a month after that [herpes causes issues within days, if the first 'symptoms' are a month later - its extremely unlikely they are related to herpes], significant discomfort downstairs, however every test I have ever taken for HSV 1 and 2 has been negative. Here are the details: Face: Previously, some significant tingling and itching on the right side of my mouth, lips and chin (still there, but milder) [herpes does not cause general tingling and itching, it can cause a reasonably concentrated feeling of itch/throb from which a herpes lesion appears within hours]. Occasional hot flashes near my right eye, cheek and ear [herpes does not do this, it may be a immune response to something, or stress]. Sometimes it will feel like the skin is crawling on the right side of my face [herpes does not cause a general crawling sensation]. Never seen anything that looked like a traditional cold sore [that's extremely telling, even people with associated atypical symptoms will have experienced herpes lesions]. Occasionally, the left side of my face will have a momentary feeling of skin crawling, but it's so mild that I am not really worried about it. Downstairs: Thankfully, most of these are now milder than they were before. Occasional momentary pinch of pain at the base of my genitals. [herpes does not cause a general pinch feeling.] Aching pain in my boxer area (groin, leg folds) [nor this] Occasional feeling of cold in my boxer area, butt, or lower back. ( also in my shins and occasionally even my arms) [nor this] On 4/30/2022, I had been in discomfort for almost two months. I scratched an itch, noticed it hurt, and then checked - I did have an open ulcer down there. Took myself to the ER to get swabbed, came back negative. [If this was a PCR then this will be very conclusive.] Practitioner said it may come back negative because it was already open. However the lab report noted that it definitely didn't look like what you'd expect a typical first herpes outbreak to look like [how would the lab know??]. All blood tests negative so far. I had two western blots, the second one was nine months after exposure. [Two negative Westernblots!!! Many that's real convincing]. All other swabs also negative. I went to urgent care, because I know the timeliness of when the Swab is taken matters. One time, a swab was not done, because practitioner said it was folliculitis and wouldn't swab it (It was at my belt line). [Belt line is highly unlikely to relate to herpes.]   A blood test revealed I had low-ish B12 (technically in range, but at the very low end, especially for a man of my size). I had a series of B12 injections, and I am taking a B12 supplement. I am not taking any lysine or arginine at the moment. I was taking the Arganine to see if I could induce an outbreak. [This is irrelevant, there is no known linkage between herpes outbreaks and arginine/lysine intake - its a myth - and B12 infers nothing.] I think what I am asking is - has anyone here ever repeatedly tested negative over and over again over long period of time, before getting a definitive answer, be a positive test, or something else? [The answer to this is: Extremely few people with a HSV-1 infection and even more rarely HSV-2 test repeatedly negative on Westernblot and actually carry the virus. Of the cases that I know of that had delayed detection by a swab and negative blood tests in the meantime (and that's only 3-4 cases), they had some form of lesions within days of infection but did not obtain a swab for various reasons and then obtained a positive swab of a subsequent lesion with the record being 11 months later. A couple of the cases did have some 'background' symptoms they thought might be related to herpes but that isn't ascertained and some did not have any unusual symptoms at all apart from the lesions. Hence as you did not have lesions around your mouth or lips within days of the last sexual encounter as is exceptionally common for a primary oral HSV-1 infection, that pretty much rules out herpes orally as it is. The fact that you had no genital symptoms for a month also rules out genital herpes. I am not aware of anyone at all who has genuinely gone on to test positive by swab or blood in your specific circumstances. There are hundreds if not more than a thousand experiences on this website alone that are similar to yours that are truly negative for herpes I'm one of them!]  
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