newly diagnosed last week

[trayfish]

hello everyone, not sure where to begin, but I was just diagnosed with herpes last week. I've been with my husband for 12 years, have 2 wonderful children and I do not understand how this could be happening to me. I have never cheated on my husband nor do I think my husband ever betrayed me since we have a wonderful marriage. My husband gets cold sores and I know that it is possible to contract it from oral sex so I thought for sure if I had it, I could only have type 1. My culture only showed type 1, but my bloodwork was positive for both types. Type 1 had a level 3.6 and type 2 was 5.9. I can't stop thinking about this and keep trying to think how this is possible?! My husband has never showed any signs of an outbreak and we always use condoms because I'm not on any kind of birth control. I know those who would read this would automatically assume infidelity, but I whole-heartedly trust my husband and I view my children and my husband as my entire world and I would never do anything to jeopardize that. Never in a million years would I have ever thought I would be experiencing this. I've also read that the virus can lay dormant for years...but 12?! None of this makes any sense to me...I feel less of a person and I would appreciate any support or feedback from anybody. Thank you so much for taking the time to read my story.

[Amalia]

Hello trayfish and welcome.

First of all, I am glad that you found your way here. This is an excellent web site for information and support. This site helped me to find my smile again : )

So yes herpes can lay dormant for years. It is difficult to imagine but it is true. The fact that both hsv1 and 2 showed up means that you have had the viruses long enough to develop antibodies to show up in your blood work. People take different amounts of time to seroconvert but most people convert around the 12 week mark or so. In the end, this doesn't really tell you much except you have herpes.

Has your husband been checked yet? I think it would be a good idea for him to have blood work done too. You both need to know your status. I also don't think that your husband had to cheat for this to show up. Some people carry the virus and never have any symptoms. Herpes is tricky that way.

I know you feel like "less of a person" but you are not. Herpes is a virus that is carried by millions of people. In Italy, where the customary way of greeting family and friends is with a kiss, the oral hsv rate is up around 95%. One in four women carry the hsv virus in North America. You are not alone and your are not less than. You are still you with a loving husband and children. It will get easier in time. Hang in there : )

[AnaBella]

I don't automatically assume infidelity...reason being the same thing happened to me. My husband and I had been together for 10 yrs married for 5 of them when I found out that I had ghsv2. He also gets cold sores but I didn't test positive for type 1 oral. When I found out it dropped me. The first thing I told the dr when she told me she wanted to test me for herpes was that I had never cheated on my husband and I didn't think he had cheated on me. She told me that it was possible that he could've given me this and not known that he had it (my husband tested positive for ghsv2 2 weeks after my diagnosis). Also, I could've had this for yrs and just now had an outbreak that was noticeable. I went to the dr thinking that I had a yeast infection that I just couldn't treat. I trust my husband and he's never given me any reason not too. Herpes is something that can lay dormant or be confused with so many other things, it's easily confused. In women in can be confused with yeast infections or bacterial infections or uti's...in men jock itch especially when they can't see any outward issues like sores. Don't think any less of yourself b/c of this. I struggled for an entire yr after being diagnosed and I regret that so much. It was a yr of my life that I spent crying, confused, panicstricken, lonely, and completely unattached from everything that was going on around me. I asked myself the same questions that I'm sure you're asking. I couldn't understand how this happened, how could I not have known that I had something like this, when did this happen, how long have I had this...I was trying to pinpoint every aspect of it. But the more I tried to figure things out, the more confused and depressed I got. Then it struck me that I couldn't live my life going backwards...I had to focus on my family (which is just me and my husband b/c we have no kids) and how to make myself happy again. It's been a long road but things have gotten better...and how thankful I am for that. I know that this is difficult but you can make it through this. Rejoice in your family and each day the pieces will fall back into place. This site is very helpful and full of supportive people. You and your husband will make it through this...we did... with alot of communication, trust, and understanding. You're in my prayers.

[trayfish]

Thank you so much for your response. Your kind words truly mean a lot. My husband has not been tested yet but I agree with you that he should be tested. I'm worried though if it actually comes back negative...then where does that leave me? Could it be possible that I was infected with the virus and never transmitted it to him throughout the years even when we weren't using protection? I'm also scared that he'll assume that I had an affair when I DIDN'T!! I'm still trying to make sense out of all this and it is consuming me. The fact that my culture only showed type 1...does that just mean type 2 didn't grow in time before the results were read? Could I have possibly been carrying type 2 all this time not knowing it and been exposed to type 1 from oral sex from my husband which led to my initial outbreak?? There's so many unanswered questions that I don't understand...

[trayfish]

thank you AnaBella for your response. It is so comforting to actually hear from somebody that has experienced a similar situation to mine. I'm sure as time passes I will deal with this a little better and learn to accept it. In the meantime, I'm struggling with how this could possibly be happening to me when I've been with my husband for 12 years and am 31 yrs old?! I stumbled upon this site while insanely doing research and I am so glad I did, because it so nice to have people to talk to about this that are experiencing or have experienced being diagnosed with this. I feel I can't talk to anybody about this...nobody knows except my husband of course because I think everybody will assume the worst.

[AnaBella]

I know how you feel...I thought everyone was going to think of me as some kind of leper. In the end only 5 people in all know. My mom, 1 sister, my best friend, a very close friend (who I found out later that has the same situation as I do going on) and of course my husband. I was 33 when I found out (now 34) and it's understandable how you feel. Finding this out tests the best of us. No one has to know this unless you want them to know...this isn't anyones business except for you and your husband. Things happen, no one can or should judge you for this. It's good to vent...I still have my days when I barely want to leave the house or feel like screaming at the top of my lungs, and if that's what I feel like doing then I do it. So, however you need to vent then do you. Whatever it takes to help you cope. Just always think somewhere in the back of your mind, even on your roughest days, that things will get better (I know it cheesy but it's true:rolleyes:)

[Sunshine2you]

Hi trayfish,

I hope that by the time you get my message, you will be feeling a little bit better. AnaBella said all of the same things I would have said to you, and hopefully she made you feel better, too. I know she made me feel better with her sweet replies when I was first diagnosed a little over a month ago.

I just want to let you know that it is very possible that the herpes virus could have been lying dormant in your system for many years, without you having any signs or symptoms. I was completely flabbergasted when I was diagnosed, because I have never had any typical symptoms or outbreaks whatsoever. I had what I thought were a couple of bad yeast infections, but I never would have thought I had genital herpes. When I found out, I racked my brain trying to figure out where I had gotten it from, or who I could have given it to, and I felt absolutely terrible. To make things worse, I'm a nurse, and for some reason that makes me think I should have known...The best thing you can do, for both you and your husband, is to learn as much as you can about herpes (this website has a lot of good information), and hopefully you can find some peace in knowing that this little bastard of a virus is very sneaky, easy to catch, and difficult to know about if you don't have any typical symptoms. I honestly believe that you will be okay, and that you will make it through this difficult time. Good luck, and I am sending you a hug.

[trayfish]

thank you Sunshine for your response. I am feeling a little better today knowing that I have support on here. The more I think about this I question whether the few times when I thought I had yeast infections in the past were outbreaks. I just don't understand why now? If outbreaks can occur in times of stress, why has nothing happened in the last 12 yrs? I have 2 children and nothing happened while i was pregnant or anything. My first real symptoms started around xmas when I became terribly itchy but that was it. I never had any tingling or flu-like symptoms and again I thought I had a yeast infection. My husband and I had sex the day befor xmas eve so when I first noticed an initial sore, I thought it was an abrasion due to lack of lubrication. Then my glands started swelling and several other ulcers appeared. The pain was unbearable when I urinated and I knew something was wrong. I tried getting into the dr's on new yrs eve but office was closed so had to wait until following monday. I too am an RN, so I feel the same way....why didn't I know? But again, I never had any symptoms until now and why would I have ever think that's what it could be if I've been in the same relationship for 12 yrs?! So therefore, because I know neither I or my husband has never been with anybody else, I have had this virus dormant for yrs. I mentioned to my husband about getting tested but his response was that it didn't make a difference whether he has it or I have it because it's not going to change anything between us. He still feels he doesn't have it though since he's never had any symptoms but I've explained to him that he doesn't need to. It's just comforting to know that my husband is completely supportive and understanding with this whole situation. He trusts me and I trust him and that's truly all that matters. I made the comment to him that I just wished this would've happened 10 yrs ago because it would've made more sense back then. I have to try to think that there are far more worse things that could happen. My husband says this is just "an inconvenience" and he still thinks I'm beautiful nomatter what. I'm still on my initial Acylovir meds and I am terrified to have another breakout. If somebody can give some advise on how to deal with them that would be wonderful. I can handle the ulcers but the excruciating pain during urination I can't. I was avoiding drinking anything because the thought of peeing made me physically ill. Is it true that this will be the worst outbreak and they will only get less severe over time? Again, thank you everybody for all your kind responses and support. Words can't express how much I appreciate it.

[norcallove]

Hi trayfish. I am happy to hear that you are feeling a little better today. This site has helped me a lot. There are so many supportive members who understand what you're going through. I has diagnosed with GHSV2 about 6 weeks ago. I do not know when I got it. I know it was not from my current BF and I believe it was dormant in me for awhile. It seems like it is hard for a lot of people to pinpoint when they got it. Especially since 70% of people don't show symptoms or know they are having an OB and because it can lay dormant for years. I just read a story about someone who was married 28 years and another married for 20 and then they had their 1st OB, so it can definitely lay dormant for a long time. I did not think infidelity when I read your post

I had the exact same question as you, "Why now". This is honestly pretty much the least stressful time in my life in years. I work full time and my job hasn't been as stressful lately and I just got my MBA in May - so I was working full time and getting my masters and that didn't cause an OB. Yet, I am happy, in a great relationship, not stressed, felt like everything was falling into place and going great and I get one. So I understand what you mean. Ugh, so annoying. What I always say is I wish someone sent HSV a memo on how it is supposed to act. What I have learned about this virus are these 3 things:

1 - nothing about HSV is truly "typical"

2 - this virus affects everyone differently

3 - no one told it how it is supposed to act, because it does a lot of weird things (like laying dormant for 10+ years)

There are so many questions, ifs, whens, etc with this virus. Honestly, I decided not to spend that much time thinking about them. I have it, that's all that matters, and decided to move on from there. I know it is hard, but racking your brain about it really isn't going to help. I know its easier said than done though.

I love hearing stories about people having supportive partners. That is awesome that your husband is being so great. My bf, who does not have it, has been amazing as well. I found out about 4 months into the relationship, when I had my 1st OB and it never changed a thing between us. Your husband is right, you are still beautiful and the same person you were before. Your husband should still get tested though, so you know if he has HSV2 as well or not. (Since you both already have HSV1).

One last thing - while I didn't have problems peeing I have read a lot of tips on this site. You should actually drink MORE water. This will dilute it and it will be less acidic and hurt less. There are tons of other tips to - peeing in the bathtub or shower, having a bottle of water next to the toilet and pouring the water over you while you pee, or peeing through a tampon tube... hope that helps. As I said before, this virus affects everyone differently - but it is true that typically the first OB is the worst and they will get less severe over time.

Once again, I am so happy you are feeling a little better. Take care

[trayfish]

thank you so much Norcallove. Your kind and inspirational words mean a lot. I'm glad to hear that you are in a supportive relationship as well. I know that has made a tremendous difference for me in trying to cope with all of this. If it wasn't for him and my children I know I would not be dealing with this well at all. I still consider myself not dealing with this very well because it's just so hard to believe this is happening, but I know I can't keep dwelling on this. I need to just accept this and move on. I think the scariest part in all of this is not knowing the future in how bad this virus is going to affect me. As I know it affects everyone differently, I'm terrified I'm going to be one of those cases with constant recurrent outbreaks. I guess only time will tell....Thank you again and take care.

[Sunshine2you]

You know what else might help ease the pain while you pee? A sitz bath! Norcallove's suggestions reminded me of that. I think you can buy them at most drug stores. Just set it up to run warm water over your vagina, and you can pee right into the sitz container, then dump it all down the toilet (kind of like women do after they have delivered babies and have had episiostomies. Hope this helps, too!

Also, what about witch hazel? I'm not sure if this is good for herpes, and I'll need to do some research, but sometimes the nurses would suggest this to women who were sore after delivering. You could add it to your sitz bath water.