Newly Diagnosed ...Needing someone to talk to

[lifebitesya]

So it happened to me and now I'm trying to deal with it.

After being in a 2 year relationship with my bf, I noticed that he had suspicious clusters in his pubic region which he explained were pimples and refused to get them checked out. He then informed me that he has been getting them for years. I looked up pictures on the internet and sure enough. I thought, ok, I probably have it now too and just haven't had any symptoms yet. So he had another outbreak of these so called pimples this year, and I made him go to a drop in clinic where he was diagnosed with HSVII... and his response to me was "No big deal, my Dr. said he has it too and when an outbreak occurs, he told me to just stick a band-aid over the area!" I was so upset, not only at the fact that he actually had Herpes, but that he was so nonchalont about the whole thing and previously had assured me he was STD free. Ok, so I played a part in it to by not practicing safe sex. My rationale was that we were together for a few years and I planned on spending the rest of my life with him. Now just a few weeks ago I actually had my first visible sign. It was a very small clear fluid filled bump. Seeing is believing. I went to my Dr. feeling embarrassed and very ashamed. A couple of days later, the diagnosis was confirmed. HSVII. At first I was in denial thinking, no, this couldn't happen to me, then I was mad and angry at my boyfriend AND myself, and lately I have been feeling very alone.. and finally trying to accept and come to terms. I feel like i've been living in a closet. So when things aren't great between us, one of my girlfriends always says to me, hunn, your beautiful and smart and have so many things going for you, what guy wouldn't want to be with you? And I think to myself, yeah, none of them would want to be with me if only they knew. I haven't told anyone. I feel like a statistic, and labelled. How can I get over these feelings?

Recently I was involved in a conversation with someone talking about a girl that just found out that she had Herpes and was referred to as dirty and that she should have know better to use a condom. I was shocked at her comment and advised her that I feel bad for this girl and that it could happen to a lot of people, cautious or not. She felt differently. I told her that many people have Herpes and don't even know that they have it. I also told her that there are a lot of people that don't even look in certain regions when they have intercourse, that it can also be contracted orally and that there are a lot of partners out there that cheat. I told her that it could happen to anyone.

I came across this forum today and thought it would be a great way to get this out... that and I know that none of you know me So if anyone feels like talking. I think I need a friend right now. How about you?

[blessedfreedom]

Hang in there!!! I hate to sound cliche, but it does get better with time. I've had HSV2 for two years now. At first I was devasted. Now, although I realize dating will forever be different for me, I know that my husband will truly love me for who I am.

I have also encountered people who say negative things about folks with H without knowing that I have it. I always warn them to be thankful that they haven't contracted an STD because unless the person is a virgin, they haven't done anything less risky than the person who caught it.

You have to know who you are at your very core in order to keep a postive self image. Don't let anyone's prejudice affect how you view yourself. Think about it- if people are talking about folks they know who have herpes without the goal of helping the person in some form or another, they're just engaging in pure gossip anyhow.

Try to keep a positive attitude!!!

[lifebitesya]

Hanging Tough

Hey, thanks for those words. I think I'm starting to finally come to terms with the initial shock of it all. I am accepting facts while trying to keep my self worth intact. It really does help when you know that others are going through a similar situation and that you aren't alone having to deal with this by yourself. It is hard to imagine in the beginning that life goes on..... sounds silly when I think about it now... but after you read the posts from people who are newly diagnosed, those horrible feelings all come back and I can relate. IT DOES GET BETTER IN TIME, as hard to believe as it might seem intially.

[BelleinBlueJeans]

identical story

Our stories are almost idential. I was a virgin and my BF of two years gave it to me- we had been together for over a year before we had sex and I had no idea he was infected. He claimed he had never had an outbreak and had not cheated on me . . . we broke up a year later and I found out things to lead me to believe otherwise, but that is the past now (four years ago).

What I want you to know is, things do get better. As time passes, you think about it less and less, especially if you go on suppressive therapy, which I HIGHLY recommend. It just takes the thought of it away and you don't worry about outbreaks as much, and you can live a "normal" life.

I too was worried about dating and I thought I had to stay with BF now because no guy would want me. But I broke it off with him about a year after I had my first outbreak. I was scared about dating again. Terrified. But I was lucky- the first guy I dated after BF was wonderful and he is now my husband. I told him as soon as I could (about a week or two into our relationship). He was very understanding and open to the idea. He researched the disease and decided we wouldn't be intimate at first but he wanted to be with me and didn't care about the herpes. As our relationship progressed, we took precautions, and to this day he has not had an outbreak, even though he says "Who cares if I do? Its just a skin disease."

Don't feel like you have to stay with the guy just because you both have herpes. Someone who truly loves you would have been honest with you, and there are great guys out there that will love you even in spite of what you see is a "flaw." In a weird way, its a great indicator of the losers and the winners. Sure, there will probably be guys that say thanks but no thanks, but don't let it get you down if that happens. There is so much more to you than this disease. Don't let it define you.

And educate everyone you can, like you did with the girl you talked to recently. People need to understand herpes is not just a disease that people who are irresponsible and sleep around get- its something that virgins and even people who have only had oral sex can get. If we educate those people around us (even if we don't tell them our personal stories) hopefully they will be more careful in their own sexual lives and help stop the spread of this disease.

And like I said, I promise it will get better.

[lifebitesya]

You certaintly can't change the past. Honestly, it feels like I first came across this forum a year ago, but really it has only been a few weeks since I joined and I can honestly say that I actually do feel better now than I did then. I'm trying to keep a positive frame of mind. This site has been a godsend, but at the same time, I don't like to come here every day as it seems to be a constant reminder. Thanks for sharing your experience. Agreed, to not lose our sense of self or our self worth because of Herpes or the man or woman that gave it to us.