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Please help - i need support badly


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FOr all you kind people, please give me some words of encouragement - I never been at such a low point in my life. Please bear with me, I know this post is long; however, I really wanted to tell the great people here how I feel so that I can get support towards how I feel. FYI, iam a 28 year old single male

Its been exactly one month since I was diagnosed with genital herpes (hsv 2). Of course, on the day I was given the news from my Dr, I was having a nervous breakdown to the point where I was light headed and felt like vomitting. Needless to say, THIS IS BY FAR THE HARDEST THING I HAVE EVER HAD TO DEAL WITH!

I am one of those people who was just plain damn unlucky - I caught it from an ex gf who I suspect never knew she had it. We broke up a year ago and I have not been sexually active since. About a month and a half ago, out of nowhere, I broke out with a pretty intense outbreak. It subsided in a a few weeks and I have not had anything major since.

This past month, my mind will simply not rest! I find my self constantly thinking about my diagnosis and that my sex life is basically ruined. I also find myself obssessively reading online about herpes and that is not helping either. I dont want to be thinking about it anymore - Iam tired

FYI, I am aware of the fact that 20% of the population has this disease. I also know that genital herpes is exaggerated and it is nothing more than a heavily stigmatized condition. I try telling this to myself over and over again and somedays it makes me feel better. However, there are times that I think to myself and realize "Oh my god, I have genital herpes" and it becomes a wake up call to me that my life will never be the same. During these "wake up calls", the statement that the condition is so common and it is nothing more than a stigma loses weight and I just start having another nervous breakdown.

I think the worst thing about this is that I knew two really attractive women who had genital herpes and I felt sooooooooooo sorry for them. I use to say to my self, "I should be thanking god I am not in there shoes; having an incurable STD would ruin me" And now, I am in there shoes!!! Talk about irony!!! Life is truly unfair! I have only slept with three different partners my whole life! But enough with that - I know that I can't change time and go back and I have to accept that I have it.

My biggest question to everyone is timeline. I know that time is the greatest healer of all and I realize my mind is trying to cope with the fact that I have this disease. My question is, how long did it take you to stop caring that you have this disease?? I just want my mind to rest and be happy! If I was married right now, I would not nearly care as much about my condition because if you are in a monagomous marriage than who really cares! My fear is FINDING a women who will accept this.

I unforunately dont think I can ever accept telling a partner of my condition or even try to use a herpes dating website so I feel lost - I simply refuse to do this! I know, I may sound ignorant by saying this but I simply cant.

My biggest fear is that this condition is eventually going to take me into clinical depression! Please someone provide me with some hope!!


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Hello to be honest it is different for everyone I mean you have just been diagnosed so I will tell you that since having it for over 15 years you aren't feeling anything that I wasn't feeling when I was first diagnosed.I was in denial and in shock as it was very traumatic for me so to answer your question my timeline was actually about 2 years but it doesn't have to be that way for you try to take it easy on yourself and do not let this completely consume you as I did so many years ago.

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I felt the same way when i found out I had herpes. It's been about four months since i was diagnosed. Some days or better than others as if it was like old times, but it hits me the hardest when i hangout with friends and it seems pointless to even have a conversation with someone new without thinking this will go no where. It hurts me every time because I don't want to pass it to anyone else. I try to focus on things that i have been longing to do to help my mind pass by the time and not think of the disease as much. Maybe that's a start.. I hope that you find a way to ease your mind.

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Hi Hockey,

I responded to one of your other posts about a timeline, and I probably wasn't as helpful as you had hoped someone would be. I wish I could give you a timeline, and even more, I wish I could say something that would make your heart and mind find some peace and comfort. So, the only thing I can do is be honest in telling you that you are not alone, and the feelings you are having are very similar to those that other people have when they are first diagnosed. I'm not going to say they are the same feelings, because every person is different, and every individual grieves in his/her own way. People's situations are different, too...

I, too, have done tons of research on herpes, and I can quote all of the statisics too. Like you have already said, they don't bring me much comfort when I'm feeling sad and hopeless about my future dating and sex life. I truly never thought I was the "type" of person who would get herpes-I always practiced safe sex, I knew my partners, I was SO careful. However, I have now learned that there really is no "type" of person who gets herpes, or any other STD for that matter. People can get herpes the first time they ever have sex, and it is often common for them to get herpes from a partner who doesn't even know that he/she has it. You said it best in your post-it's just bad luck.

I know you are having a really difficult time right now, and I am right where you are right now (I was just diagnosed a month ago, too). I find comfort from this forum and my friends and family (meaning those I have told). Mostly, though, I keep hoping that there will one day be a man who loves me so much-for my kindness, my intelligence, my smile, my good nursing skills, and my honesty-that he will still want me for all of those things, even when I tell him about my herpes diagnosis. Yes, it will make things a little more difficult (okay, a lot), but hopefully things will work out in the end.

I have a good feeling that you will be okay, especially since you took the time to share your story with such warmth and honesty. There is a woman out there who will appreciate your heartfelt sincerity, so please know that you will be okay. You will get through this. Give yourself time to grieve, accept, and feel your emotions, and you will be fine. :)

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      @CHTany thoughts? Thanks!
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      @WilsoInAus saw you responded to others, would appreciate any thoughts.
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