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timeline - how long does it take to mentally get over a diagnosis?


stilloptimistic

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Hi,

I wish I could tell you how long it will take, but I am newly diagnosed myself...I think everyone probably deals with his/her diagnosis in different ways, in different amounts of time. I have read some wonderful and heartfelt success stories on this site, and it is inspiring and comforting to hear that people diagnosed with herpes can go on to leave happy, healthy lives. I know this may sound dramatic, but I really thought my world was coming to an end (at least my dating world) when I was first diagnosed. This site/forum has made me feel better-hope it helps you, too.

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Wondering the same thing! I got the "news" in October and am still not dealing great with it. About 3 weeks ago I finally confronted my ex and that has made the anxiety, anger & bitterness worse. He is not cooperating and at all and even had his attorney draw up a release for me to sign. Then tried to trick me into signing it. Now I feel backed in a corner and mad.

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as much as I think confronting my giver and telling him about how much of a liar I think he is and how much I feel he ruined my life, it won't make herpes go away. It hasn't RUINED my life per se. It's just added a difficult situation to it.

And yes - sometimes confrontations we may think will help us cope and make us feel better, but it just fuels the fire.

Let go, and let God. I am learning to do that every day.

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Honestly, no one can tell you how long it takes to mentally get over a diagnosis. Everyone is different! Just like this virus affects everyone differently. It will all get better with time :) I was diagnosed 6 weeks ago and already feel so much better. I think some of the reasons it got better for me so fast is because of the following - I have a supportive BF, my mom and best friend have been great, this site has helped me a ton and I have always been a positive person. I did have a really hard time the first couple days and then it slowly stared getting better. I also did a lot of research, that helped me feel better. Read the information to the right, join the chat room, ask any questions you have, and read through the treads on this site. You will see a lot of success stories. I hope this helps a bit. I know it is hard right now but have hope that it will get better!

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Wondering the same thing! I got the "news" in October and am still not dealing great with it. About 3 weeks ago I finally confronted my ex and that has made the anxiety, anger & bitterness worse. He is not cooperating and at all and even had his attorney draw up a release for me to sign. Then tried to trick me into signing it. Now I feel backed in a corner and mad.

Hi Hardknocks - why did your ex go to his attorney? I was just wondering. Do you know for sure that he gave it to you and that he knew he had it? Sorry you are not feeling better and feel backed into a corner. I hope things start getting better for you soon :)

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I have no answers. Was hoping for answers by contacting him -now I am just more confused and angry.From his response and actions I am assuming he not only knew but has been through this before. I was really hoping due to the seriousness of the matter that he would act mature and responsible and be up front and honest. Thanks for the well wishes.

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Hardknocks - so sorry to hear that and that you are having to deal with your ex. That does sound pretty shady and like he might have known. Going straight to his attorney does seem like he might have been through this before. My heart goes out to you. It is really hard when we are searching for answers. You may never get the answers you are looking for. Personally, I don't know when I got this. I believe it had been laying dormant for while. I hope you are able to get some answers if that will help make you feel better though. Take care!

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Hardknocks,

When I got diagnosed with HSV2, I confronted my giver because **I KNEW*** he gave it to me. He made up some lie about his past sexual health and an occurence he described from 3 years prior and described what I NOW realize to be him having a Herpes outbreak but he told me he went to his doctor and they told him it was NOT herpes. I was naive at the time. But this explanation of course, was AFTER we had sex. Not before.

I had my inital OB about a week after having sexual relations with him, and he threatened me with a lawyer.

Think about it. When someone is hiding something and then realizes he's been caught and can get in big trouble for it. That person is capable of taking extreme measures to scare you, like in your case.

IMO - He's guilty, and he knows it. The whole 'lawyer' thing, is to make it look like it was your fault to take the spotlight off of him.

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He never asked what I had, what he needed to get tested for or anything. A few comments asking if he needed to get an attorney, if this was going to be like a divorce and that he needed some time to think about how to handle this situation and we would talk the next day. He has owed me some money for quite some time--so the attorney had the check for me for that and a release to sign for "everything and anything" else. I passed.

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"he needed some time to think about how to handle the situation"

translated into: "He needed some time to figure out how he was going to GET OUT of this situation".

He's guilty. He's not even co-operating.

That might sound like me being bitter to some - but the proof is in the pudding.

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Oh, it is SO hard when the exes act shady and immature. I gave up trying to contact my ex-boyfriend, who I suspected gave me herpes. Funny this is (well, not really funny), his current partner just called me out of the blue the other day because she's freaked out about my diagnosis-she saw all of my e-mails and texts that I had sent him, and that's the only way she even found out....long story short, he talks to her, and he swore up and down to her that he has been tested and he's "clean..." However, he won't even get in touch with me and try to give me peace of mind. We both think he's lying, since he's done it before, and I happen to think that he knows I'm smarter (and a little tougher) than she is, and not only would I see right through him, but I wouldn't put up with his shit...

The point I'm trying to make is the same one others have made in this thread: when people know they are wrong or guilty, or when they are scared and uncomfortable, they lie and act in ways that only end up hurting you even more (like getting a lawyer). Hang in there, hardknocks, because you certainly aren't alone, and one day you will find someone who is honest and loving, someone who you truly deserve. Take care.

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So nice to know that I am not alone!! Thanks for the sharing, encouragement and support. Sunshine-- I understand the smarter and tougher. Same here--good for us. And there are always easier targets out there. I did state I wanted the test results mailed or emailed directly to me or for him to give the facility permission for me to verify. He lies, lies, lies.

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It took me about 6 weeks. I was out of my mind when I had an outbreak and then was diagnosed. It's worse when you are having an outbreak all I could think of was how I would never have a normal life again, no one would want me and unlike some people I have only told two people total. One was the last guy I was active with at the time and he was amazing and understanding. I don't know if it was he who gave it to me, I honestly still think I received it thru contact on something. A little over a month after I was diagnosed I met someone and immediately told him. It was the scariest thing I have done. He was very understanding and we talked about it. We have been together since then.

It does help to have at least one person you can talk to. I read these boards and it was great for information but to have a person that you can text or call when you are losing it makes a big difference.

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      Hey @WilsoInAus ok thank you, I will do my best to move on and stop trawling forums haha. 
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      Hey @sgt98 but there is no feasible infection or outbreak to suppress and antivirals do not suppress an initial outbreak in any event 
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      Hi @sgt98 it is not feasible to obtain a HSV-2 infection from receiving oral sex - only HSV-1 is feasible but you've already got that and immunity from any further infection with HSV-1. You do not need any further tests for HSV. You're feeling regret, try to forgive yourself and calm down, let the rational take over. You know the answer here and it won't be long until you believe it too.
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Without lesions, it is highly questionable that the ailment is related to herpes, yet testing is useful if you have concerns as you have done so.] About a month after that [herpes causes issues within days, if the first 'symptoms' are a month later - its extremely unlikely they are related to herpes], significant discomfort downstairs, however every test I have ever taken for HSV 1 and 2 has been negative. Here are the details: Face: Previously, some significant tingling and itching on the right side of my mouth, lips and chin (still there, but milder) [herpes does not cause general tingling and itching, it can cause a reasonably concentrated feeling of itch/throb from which a herpes lesion appears within hours]. Occasional hot flashes near my right eye, cheek and ear [herpes does not do this, it may be a immune response to something, or stress]. Sometimes it will feel like the skin is crawling on the right side of my face [herpes does not cause a general crawling sensation]. 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