New here. First time posting. Need to vent... please read!

[akress]

Hello all!

I'm "Akress." I'm 37. This past week, I had an annual physical exam and a blood test. (Well, I didn't take the physical every year.)

2 days after the exam, I was told by phone by the doctor's assistant that I had, at one point in my life, been exposed to the genital herpes virus. I freaked out. She tried to calm me down, but I was very worried. So, very late that night, my doctor (I do not think he is a Christian) tried to calm me down by saying several things. Such as:

- it's much more common than many people think

- many people don't know they had it

- all that the blood test results said was that it was positive - he said I don't even know I "have" genital herpes

- it is possible that many people out there who don't know they have it give it or got it without knowing it.

That phone call made me feel better. However, I must admit that my life changed since that day. I have not told one single person - nobody in my family and none of my friends - because I've still been trying to cope with this discovery. I've been praying like crazy; I cried to God; I went to church tonight and prayed, and felt very blessed.

I know that people w/ HSV1 and HSV2 can and do live normal lives. I've been doing that. Let me explain, with some history. This goes back to the doctor's phone call.

I committed fornication (I was already a believer, but I sinned) in early 2006. A few days later I noticed an odd itch down there, and I consulted a urologist. If I remember, I had a blood test done. She said I tested positive, but she didn't really explain. Looking back, that doctor was very cold and apathetic - she didn't really take the time to explain what this meant. But she did say something akin to, "it's common in the general population."

So, as I was alarmed and confused, I went to another urologist not long after and had him examine me. He said I was fine. With this, I totally forgot about this incident.

The next 5 years came and went. I lived my life normally. Then, this past week, I had the exam and the results, and the phone call.

When I told my doctor this story, he said that it may well mean that I have a very mild strain of the virus. I told him this, and I'll tell you all: I've never had a "real" outbreak. No sores, etc. Never. My penis did have an odd itch in early 2006, but since then, nothing. No tingling either. The only time I feel something is if my underwear is tight or if it's hot, but that's it.

My doctor's phone call was very encouraging, and I have read online that people with herpes do get married.

However, these are my concerns. I'm kind of paranoid by nature, so bear with me.

1. Unprotected sex will only spread the virus IF I am having an outbreak. Is this true?

2. If, say, my lips are chapped because of the winter and I "dry" kiss somebody on the cheek - can they get the virus this way?

3. If I have, say, a very small cut on my finger and I shake somebody's hand - can they get the virus?

4. the doctor said it's nobody's business but mine. He even said he doesn't recommend telling a potential spouse. I am not sure I am OK with this. What do you say?

Also... I'm still struggling emotionally and trying to go to God with this discovery. I've been worrying and thinking about whether I can ever get married. I don't ever want to tell anybody in my family this (especially my mother, who is a believer) because it would upset her deeply.

OK, so this is my "testimony." Please feel free to give me your feedback, advice, suggestions. I never once in my life thought I would ever have herpes or anything like it, but this is what the blood test results said. I'm glad I found a Christian website to help me cope. Maybe one day I will be able to tell one of my friends, but for now, I would rather keep it to myself.

[Tiny]

First of all, fornication or not is immaterial...herpes does not punish it is a virus. Whores and virgins get it...it does not discern. So don't make yourself believe that this is some sort of punishment, its not.

Not only do people with herpes get married, they also live in sin, have babies, work, go on holiday, contribute to charity, go sky diving...whatever. 25% of people have HSV 2 (normally in the genital region) and 80% have HSV 1 (normally on the lips but it is apparently becoming more common on the genitals)...that would be a lot of sad singles if none of them ever married.

Also a lot of drs and medical people do not have relevant or specific knowledge about herpes--perhaps more important than having a Christian dr is having a herpes positive dr! There is no such thing as a weaker strain, just peoples' differing immune responses. The virus my cause no symptoms in you but if you pass it to your partner she/he may get very frequent outbreaks--it really depends on the individuals body and/or immune system how the virus manifests.

1. Nope. Not true you can spread it even when you don't have symptoms. Also it is much easier for a women to get it from a man than vice versa. The best ways to minimise the spread to to take suppressive medication, use condoms and know your partner's status--this helps you understand exactly what the risks are. If they have the same strain then they are relatively immune for getting it elsewhere as they have antibodies (not completely, though), if they have a different strain they have about a 50% immunity. However there will never be no risk.

2. Um, I guess they could if you had HSV 1 on your lips. Have you had a blood test? If you have and you are positive for HSV 1 and 2 then it is a possibility that you could spread it via kissing--if you don't then no. Herpes can only be spread by skin on skin contact with the affected area.

3. No, not unless you get herpes infections in your finger or you have scratched a sore and not washed your hands (then there could be a slim chance) . The herpes virus is not spread through blood.

4. Your dr is wrong. You have a responsibility to to tell anybody you sleep with that you have it, preferably before you sleep with them. Especially as a Christian--not telling them would be lying. Also it will spare you a lot of guilt, could you live with yourself passing the uncertainty and life changing nature of this experience to somebody else?

While there are people who would not feel comfortable exposing themselves to the risk of herpes, there are plenty of loving people for whom it will not matter. You will find somebody...your life it not over. You will survive.

Also I think you need to get yourself some better drs! Maybe try a sexual health clinic there is a herpes clinic in Westover Height in Portland, in fact they put a lot of good information on their website: http://www.westoverheights.com/genital_herpes.html

Arm yourself with as much information as you can and you will feel more confident and in control. Stay strong.