Desperate

[highlystrung]

Hi there,

I have not been tested yet but I am almost positive I have HSV II.

I'm feeling suicidal, desperate, depressed, anxious and my primary fear is that I have unwittingly passed it on to other people through intercourse and oral sex. I'm 23 and about 5 months ago have started seeing someone a little younger than me, he's spectacular, bright and genuinely cares about me. He has such a bright future ahead of him and I think if he has caught it from me I would never be able to live with the guilt.

I suspect he has also never slept with anyone and if I have denied him the opportunity for sex I will never, ever forgive myself.

I have a wonderful job that I've worked hard for and am university educated, and ever since I have suspected having the virus I have been on the phone to crisis centers, suicide prevention centers and help lines, but these make me more agitated. I vacillate between anxiety that's so bad that I can't breathe and eerie calm about ending my life.

I am so anxious I can't sleep and I honestly can't think of a way

out other than suicide. It seems surreal and I worry that in the

aftermath people will find out and call me promiscuous, a whore

and diseased. I was well educated about sex and I have always

been careful, so this comes as an enormous shock to me.

Does anyone have any advice?

Running the gamut of emotions.

[WarriorKing]

Well first off your ideas about this virus are completely wrong and uneducated.

I can bluntly tell you this because I DID get this virus at 20 years old and have carried it for over 32 years. It has been a very small thing in my life and has been that way for "millions", probably "hundreds of millions" of people over time being that it has been hosting on us for over 4500 years. The recently invented stigma about this virus is complete nonsense.

I have known in person and via the internet, hundreds of people personally who carry herpes. Please post again so that you can join live chat and learn much more from us.

[highlystrung]

Thank you

Thank you mr. Honest. I needed a bit of a virtual slap so I could pull myself together.

Thanks again.

[idcanymore]

i am 18 and just found out i have herpes. feel like i will never have a future. feels fabulous.

[misshoneybee]

i am 18 and just found out i have herpes. feel like i will never have a future. feels fabulous.

Why would a common skin infection stop you from having a future? Surely there's more to you than your genitals?

[Margaux]

Our society makes having herpes very difficult. We can't post to our Face Book status that we are home from work with a fever and painful genital blisters and have people write back, "Awww feel better soon honey. Can I bring you anything?" It is unjust. I understand wanting people to think of you in a certain way and that the stupid stigma surrounding H can change how you feel people view you. The only thing I can tell you is that you are stronger than you think and this trial will show you just that. You can get through this. Take this as an opportunity to take super great care of yourself-not just because feeling less stressed and being physically healthier will stave away outbreaks, but because you honestly love yourself and deserve good care. No one did anything to anyone maliciously and you don't know if you've passed something on. Take this one day at a time. Be sweet to yourself and come to this website often. The people here are wonderful. (((HUGS)))

[highlystrung]

False.

Turned out to be acute folliculitis, but it had me so worried. However, these forums are absolutely wonderful and supportive. Thanks for your kind words.

[Sunshine2you]

Hi highlystrung,

Thanks for letting us know how everything turned out, and I'm glad it wasn't herpes. It still really concerns me that you were contemplating suicide. Though those thoughts can be natural when you are upset and newly diagnosed with something, it sounds as if you were low enough to call the hotlines (and I'm glad you did). Just want to make sure that you are okay mentally and emotionally. I hate to say it, but how would you have handled even more devastating news than herpes? And what if your diagnosis HAD been herpes? Please know (and I think you do) that there are always people to turn to when you are low and thinking about ending your life. Your life is precious, and I want you to know that!