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Maybe I do, and maybe I don't, but until I know, what to say to wife?

johnnyQ

By johnnyQ
in Could I Have Herpes or Cold Sores?

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johnnyQ Newbie

johnnyQ

Posted
Posted

HI, a little history...

I am a 40 year old male. For the last two weeks I have had first lumps near the base of my penis, then blisters then open sores that are painful to the touch and sometimes when I move around. I currently do not have any other symptoms that I know of, other then allergies. I went to the doc last monday and got a blood test and I am waiting on the results. It has been two weeks and I still have the open sores.

I may not like it, but I will deal personally with whatever the results are and move on.

Here is the crux. I have not told my wife anything yet. I know there is no magic ball to tell when you are infected, but it all seems strange.

I have NEVER had an outbreak before. I would have remembered this. what is weird is the last time I had intercourse, my wife had been complaining of being very itchy. The day after she started her period. The next day my lumps appeared. I have been with my wife for over 8 years and no one else. I find it very difficult to think that she had been with someone else during that time( I know that may be wishful thinking).

So the questions are, When did I get this? Have I had it all this time without an outbreak? (possible I know) Did she have it all this time and just recently had symptoms and just now transferred it to me? How would you tell the difference? She gave birth to our son 2.5 years ago, and I thought they tested for this when you are pregnant. Is that true?

And finally regardless of how, How do I start the conversation without accusing her, or her accusing me?

It would feel better to have someone to talk to about it, but I have that shred of doubt that it might affect my marriage regardless of the test results.

Sorry for the book. Any answers to all or part would be comforting.

Thanks

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AquariusAngel Acknowledged Support Member

AquariusAngel

Posted
Posted

Hi johnny and welcome to you. It is good that you went to the doctors and got this looked at. The problem though is that if you have only recently been infected, it may not show in blood tests as there will be no antibodies in your bloodstream as yet. It would have been better to have one of the blisters swabbed. If your blood test comes back negative, you will need to test again in another 6 to 8 weeks.

That is correct, someone can carry the virus for many years some times and not even know it. Therefore it is just as likely that this is the case for your wife, as it is for you.

As far as I know, they do not test for herpes during pregnancy. Not even a standard screening of tests for STD's involves a test for herpes.

The two of you don't have to necessarily end up in the blame game over this. If you know the facts, there can be more room for understanding and patience with each other. Take the time to read some of the information to the right of here and if your wife feels comfortable with it, bring her to this site and you will learn lots together.

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      Hey @WilsoInAus ok thank you, I will do my best to move on and stop trawling forums haha. 
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      What is the usual order of events in initial infection for GHSV?

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      Thanks @WilsoInAus I understand apologies for this but the only other thing I am worried about is that I did take a course of Famvir on day 1 as I felt like I was having an outbreak of cold sores and am worried that has suppressed the initial outbreak genitally 
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      Hi @sgt98 it is not feasible to obtain a HSV-2 infection from receiving oral sex - only HSV-1 is feasible but you've already got that and immunity from any further infection with HSV-1. You do not need any further tests for HSV. You're feeling regret, try to forgive yourself and calm down, let the rational take over. You know the answer here and it won't be long until you believe it too.
    • WilsoInAus
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      Hi @NerdP423 and welcome to the website. You raise a lot of points and I think the best way to address your concerns is add some comments at each key point. I've copied your note again below and added these comments in square brackets. I appreciate any insight (even speculation) as to what has been going on with me. I'm a 37y/o M. I last was intimate with a new partner on 2/11/2022, and a few days later started having a huge amount of discomfort in my face. [The first thing that happens though is that herpes causes lesions or at least some skin based disruption. Other symptoms are then related to the actions of the immune system responding to the virus. Without lesions, it is highly questionable that the ailment is related to herpes, yet testing is useful if you have concerns as you have done so.] About a month after that [herpes causes issues within days, if the first 'symptoms' are a month later - its extremely unlikely they are related to herpes], significant discomfort downstairs, however every test I have ever taken for HSV 1 and 2 has been negative. Here are the details: Face: Previously, some significant tingling and itching on the right side of my mouth, lips and chin (still there, but milder) [herpes does not cause general tingling and itching, it can cause a reasonably concentrated feeling of itch/throb from which a herpes lesion appears within hours]. Occasional hot flashes near my right eye, cheek and ear [herpes does not do this, it may be a immune response to something, or stress]. Sometimes it will feel like the skin is crawling on the right side of my face [herpes does not cause a general crawling sensation]. Never seen anything that looked like a traditional cold sore [that's extremely telling, even people with associated atypical symptoms will have experienced herpes lesions]. Occasionally, the left side of my face will have a momentary feeling of skin crawling, but it's so mild that I am not really worried about it. Downstairs: Thankfully, most of these are now milder than they were before. Occasional momentary pinch of pain at the base of my genitals. [herpes does not cause a general pinch feeling.] Aching pain in my boxer area (groin, leg folds) [nor this] Occasional feeling of cold in my boxer area, butt, or lower back. ( also in my shins and occasionally even my arms) [nor this] On 4/30/2022, I had been in discomfort for almost two months. I scratched an itch, noticed it hurt, and then checked - I did have an open ulcer down there. Took myself to the ER to get swabbed, came back negative. 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I was taking the Arganine to see if I could induce an outbreak. [This is irrelevant, there is no known linkage between herpes outbreaks and arginine/lysine intake - its a myth - and B12 infers nothing.] I think what I am asking is - has anyone here ever repeatedly tested negative over and over again over long period of time, before getting a definitive answer, be a positive test, or something else? [The answer to this is: Extremely few people with a HSV-1 infection and even more rarely HSV-2 test repeatedly negative on Westernblot and actually carry the virus. Of the cases that I know of that had delayed detection by a swab and negative blood tests in the meantime (and that's only 3-4 cases), they had some form of lesions within days of infection but did not obtain a swab for various reasons and then obtained a positive swab of a subsequent lesion with the record being 11 months later. A couple of the cases did have some 'background' symptoms they thought might be related to herpes but that isn't ascertained and some did not have any unusual symptoms at all apart from the lesions. Hence as you did not have lesions around your mouth or lips within days of the last sexual encounter as is exceptionally common for a primary oral HSV-1 infection, that pretty much rules out herpes orally as it is. The fact that you had no genital symptoms for a month also rules out genital herpes. I am not aware of anyone at all who has genuinely gone on to test positive by swab or blood in your specific circumstances. There are hundreds if not more than a thousand experiences on this website alone that are similar to yours that are truly negative for herpes I'm one of them!]  
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