In love and scared.

[hank]

Well, here's my story. I've been seeing a girl that I've been friends with for years. About a year ago she left her abusive, drug addict boyfriend who is also the father of her 3 year old and then discovered she was pregnant by him again.I was there through the pregnancy as a 'friend' (lots of tension, I know she likes me too and we were together once upon a time.) and I was there when the baby was born. Her ex is now completely out of the picture and doesn't even bother to see his kids or pay child support. Hasn't in almost a year. I'm great with her kid and I've been helping here and there with her newborn as much as I can. I'm good with kids, but I don't have any of my own and kinda lack experience with the really little ones. Anyways, today I was diagnosed with genital herpes. I'm gonna have to tell her but I'm so scared that she won't accept me. I know it's true that I've always been there for her and it doesn't make her a bad person for not wanting to be with me anymore. It's just that the anxiety is crushing me. If the relationship is still doable I'm willing to take all precautions. Condoms, waiting at least three weeks after break outs before having sex, and I'm uninsured and curious about any otc drugs I can take. Maybe something that can help keep me from spreading it. If anyone has tips for what I can do I would greatly appreciate it. And also I'm curious about how likely I really am of spreading it even if I'm careful and about the statistics of 1 out 6 or 8 people having this. That seems like awfully high to me.

[AquariusAngel]

Hi hank, gosh we could all do with a friend like you. Can we clone you? We all lack experience with little kids initially, but you have to start somewhere. Don't worry about it, you are doing an amazing job helping and your girl is very lucky to have you.

Can you be certain that you did not contract herpes from your girlfriend? Do you have reason to believe you may have been previously exposed to the virus? You would need to go on a form of suppressive therapy which decreases the chances of transmission. I believe Acyclovir isn't as expensive as some. OTC meds can be anything from lysine to zinc to topical creams. We all experience herpes differently, therefore we find that we have different triggers and what medications work for one person may not necessarily work for the next. Take the time to listen to your body and find what triggers your outbreaks off and what the best form of medication is for you.

Many members here (including myself) find that being stressed and run down are common triggers for outbreaks. I think the key for a lot of us is keeping our immune system healthy. Eating right, exercising and getting plenty of sleep should also help you for starters!

[In it for life]

Hello In Love and Scared,

The anxiety about having "the talk" is usually much worse than actually having "the talk". You have been such a good friend to her thru a lot of major life events, it seems hard for me to imagine that she would be any thing less than kind to you when you tell her.

I don't think there is a clear cut answer to the likely hood of you spreading hsv while being careful. And you're right the statistics are very high! But even higher are the statistics of people who carry hsv1, 80 to 90%. many of the people who have hsv1 and/or hsv2 don't even know that they carry the virus. And hsv1 can be spread to the genitals via oral sex. (i'm sure you've been reading all about this) what do you think the possibility of your gf already having hsv is?

and btw I take Acyclovir and it works for me. I am able to get 3 months for 12.99 at walgreens... maybe you have some drug stores in your area that offer discount programs for self pay customers?

[hank]

Thanks for your kind words and I'm sure I havn't contracted it from her, as we havn't been sexually active since our first fling that ended before the pregnancy by her now ex. I wrote this during my first outbreak and and I'm nearly positive I got it on new years from a person I thought to be a friend. (I'm never having sex without a partner knowing...ever!) I exibited the text book symptons of feeling a general malaise and fever a few days after the encounter and had sores (had a fairly minor first outbreak, hope that's a good sign) a couple weeks after that. Our relationship has progressed beyond just friendly as of recently and I feel 'the talk' is coming soon. I'm kinda nervous, but I think she may understand. An odd bit of forshadowing to this moment was when we were seeing eachother originally, we saw a valtrex commercial on tv and she stated that she didn't think she could date a person with an std. I'm placing my bets on that 'didn't think' working to my benefactor. I'm willing to do a lot for her and her boys and I think she'll realize that. She just may be the girl for me for life. And even if she get it 20 years from now.. than so what's the big deal? Yay! no more condoms and medication! Though I'm still planing on doing all I can to never transmit this to her or anyone else.

[hank]

I think you're very right about the anxiety being worse than the talk itself. I've came to terms with this recently and plan on providing her all the info and giving her time to think about it. and btw, are you uninsured as well? I'm very interested in dicount programs and if you have info on this that would be great. $90 for a month worth of valtrex is kinda tough for me to come up with.