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Have had for 20 years & marriage, now dating & haven

ChargerFan

By ChargerFan
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ChargerFan

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I've been separated for 8 months with a divorce almost final. I contracted H over 20 years ago and now rarely get outbreaks. I have been in a new relationship for about 3 months & have been sexually active; and I have not told her. I actually didn't think it was a big deal becuase I made sure I was not symptomatic while having sex. I decided to tell her as we are getting much more serious and in researching, found out about "shedding"...I had honestly never heard of this before and now I know I have to tell her. Obviously I am scarred shitless about telling her...I'm 42 w/3 kids and an ex who has H as well. The woman I'm dating is 28 and still wants to have kids. We have recently said the "L" word to each other. How do I explain to her why I haven't told her w/o her losing any trust she might have w/me....I rarely get outbreaks (last one years ago), so how likely is it really to get H while shedding? Does the likelihood of shedding decrease the longer time has gone by since one has contracted the disease? I'm going to tell her Wednesday (next time I see her) and I feel totally sick to my stomach.....

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You didn't tell your partner you had herpes because you believed that you could not spread the virus without having symptoms. In your case I believe you, you've had the virus for over 20 years so the information you recieved has obviously been out dated and you were simply unaware. I would tell her almost exactly what you posted here. And yes, it is true that the longer you have the virus the less you shed the virus. Your immune system get's a better handle on it which decreases both the number of outbreaks and the amount of shedding. The only problem is.. You don't know when the virus is active and when it is not so the length of time you've had it is no gaurntee that she's safe. Just be honest and open with her, about everything. You are doing the responsible thing, telling her now that you know, and it's never easy. (but that doesn't mean the outcome is always "bad"..)

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