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A sad detour


soulshine

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The guy that I've been dating for a couple of months, and not yet been intimate with, went in for yearly physical. Blood work shows that he is positive for herpes. This call from his doctor was received just hours before we were due to leave for our first weekend away.

He has never had an outbreak, that he is aware of, and both of us will be talking to our doctors this week. I'll be tested since I have learned that many people have no idea they carry the virus. Based on those results, I have so many decisions to make.

I don't want to end this relationship, and I hate all the restrictions this will put on our intimacy. I feel so bad for him, and on a selfish note, also for me.

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As far as I know- blood work cannot prove 100% that he has herpes- he has to have a breakout and have have it tested. I would double check on that, because that is what I have been told. Also- why will this put restrictions on your intimacy? Yes, it may change some things if he has a breakout, but you can still have a normal relationship with a healthy intimate life!

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Hi soulshine and welcome.

It is good you will both be looking into this with your doctor shortly. Hopefully, regardless who infected who, you will just move on with things and it will only strengthen your relationship and the bond you share. I agree with nycgirl that this should not restrict your love life. It will only interfere if you let it. We aren't talking about him having a wardrobe of lingerie for himself or severe psychosis..herpes is a very common skin virus. You have mentioned that he hasn't even had an outbreak before, therefore there is always the chance that he won't and he will remain asymptomatic.

Your doctor should be able to help you two decide the best plan of attack. Your partner may need to go on suppressive therapy so that your chances of transmission are reduced even further. However, once you know all the ins and outs of herpes, you will feel far more comfortable with it and learn to simply carry on with life as before. Give it time and you will be fine.

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I saw my doctor this morning, will now wait for test results. He was able to provide additional information. So, just a waiting game now to see if I'm positive. And then depending on those results on to the next step.

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Angel you mean that men really aren't supposed to have lingerie?? ROFL! You make me laugh!

Soul, it really shouldn't change your relationship at all. Plenty of people date non h people and vice versa, it really isn't a big deal. Good luck!

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My concern is if I'm willing to accept the fact that there is a good chance that I will eventually be infected when and if we take that step to an intimate relationship. All research I've read indicates that even avoiding sex during an outbreak and consistent use of condoms, the infection can still be transmitted. I know the chance is small <5%, but still.....

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It absolutely did not impact the intimacy for my boyfriend and I, if anything, it brought us closer. We don't use condoms. We just avoid sex when I am having an outbreak. Chances are, everyone comes in contact with the virus at one point in there life. People still drive cars when there is a chance of an accident....

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Lmao Daisy :) you're a funny girl !! Miss you heaps xx

crazytalk: what you wrote certainly wasn't 'crazy talk' now was it! It has been a very matter of fact way of looking at it. I have often said to people that it will bring them closer together, and you are obviously a living example of that. It is true too that nearly everyone will come into contact with herpes at some stage, and many will not even know it. Darn good point too about driving on the road. I guess we all take risks in our every day lives really.

Soulshine: Best of luck with your results and try not to worry too much..after all worry/stress/anxiety are the herps 3 best buddies! Take care of you and your man.

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I'm really not stressing over it at all. I've never had an outbreak, so even if I test positive.....I don't see much changing at this point.

It would actually make things easier with the guy that I'm seeing. Knowing that we're positive....much less to worry about.

It of course would make 'the talk' necessary if I began seeing someone new....and that would be the only foreseeable problem.

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