Jump to content
World's Largest Herpes Support Group
Sign in to follow this  
KMD

Devastated & in a relationship...who gave it to who?

Recommended Posts

KMD

Hi everyone,

I recently had an outbreak on my face and it was so brutal, I had to miss work and work from home. It was accompanied by bad nerve pain and just a brutal looking sores. I've been miserable for a week and was convinced it was Shingles. I thought that maybe it could be HSV-1 but don't recall EVER having one cold sore on my face so I was a bit confused.

Well my doctor called me with some surprising news... I have oral HSV-2. It comes as an absolute shocker as again, I've never had cold sores on my face and certainly have never had genital outbreaks (as HSV-2 is more common genitally).

I'm in a loving relationship with a woman (I'm a woman too). She is very honest and just great. She's out for the evening and I just found out tonight and am devastated.... both with having something like this and having to talk to her about it and letting her know. Thing is, I spoke to the doctor who said that if I have never had outbreaks on my face/genitals, that it's likely from a recent relationship. I've been with this girl for 9 months....

I'm sitting here wondering if there is any chance that I had it before I met her somehow and it stayed dormant until now? I mean again, it's ORAL HSV-2 which is so strange..... it is on my chin, so it's almost obvious that I got it from oral sex with a woman? Keep in mind this is my first real female relationship. I almost WANT to blame myself for some reason... I don't want her to feel the pain that she will have knowing she gave it to me.

Thing is, she says she's had cold sores since she was young on her face....she had a TINY one a few months back (never looking as awful as what I just had though). If she's had it since she was young, odds are it was always HSV-1 as it's more common on the face and from what I hear wasn't sexually active under she was older.

I read that is you have one strain of HSV, you're unlikely to get the other strain in the same spot. Does this mean that she probably has genital HSV-2? And that I contracted it while giving her oral sex? Now I'm worried I can get it in my genitals as well.... or maybe she somehow got oral-HSV2 from another lesbian and passed it to me just by kissing? Odds are slim - particularly if she already had oral HSV-1 emouth..... eek.

My head is spinning and I don't want to play the blame game at all but I'm just trying to find out what the most logical explanation is for how I contracted this strain on my face which is rare... and just who has what - where. I'm now wondering if we'll be OK..if we can even have sex going forward.... just.... oh man.. I'm devastated.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Mystory101

Woa - it sounds like you have a lot going on and many questions. I'm sorry you're having such a rough experience. I would start with what you know for sure and what you can do with what you know. You know you have HSV-2 on your face, so I would have the "talk" with my partner, mainly because if she is not the carrier, then you can pass the virus to her. And she should be tested as well. Then you would have more answers. If she doesn't have it, then you know you didn't get it from her. And yes, it's possible that you got it from someone else and it stayed dormant in your system. If she does have it, then it's possible that you did get it from her. And yes, you could've contracted the virus through oral sex. I'd say that's the most likely way you got it. You said it yourself, that HSV-2 is usually found in the genital region and you have done oral sex. Also, you can get it on your genitals as well, if your gentials touch the infected area during an outbreak or viral shedding. Also, be careful - since it's on your face, be careful that you don't touch your face during an outbreak and then touch your eyes. That can be very dangerous, I think.

Regardless of the outcome, you will be able to continue your relationship if you both choose to do so including sexual intimacy. You may just have to make a few changes depending on if she has HSV-2 or not.

And if she doesn't have it, I wouldn't worry too much over who you got it from (unless you really need to know or want to let that person know if you don't think they know, etc. - I just tend not to focus too much on the past). I would be more concerned with moving forward with my current relationship.

Anyway, I hope something I said will be helpful.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
NolaTown

The thing that gets me is that everyone knows to get tested for HIV, but unless you ask to be tested for Herpes, most likely it will not be done. You could have had it for years. My doctor said more than 50% of all the human race may have it and will never know unless they ASK to be tested. I asked to be tested, came back positive.....told my girlfriend, she got tested, came back positive. She questioned a former girlfriend and the %$#@& apologizes if she gave it to her! I thought I passed this on and she may have given it to me. But who knows? Now she is an ex and we both are alone.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
speedbird

Hi KMD

not sure where u are but we are living parallel lives at the moment! Same diagnosis,same symptoms and background. Im man in a relationship with another man who gets cold sores. Not sure what his type is, but mine in HSV2. Got it on my face shaved and spread it across my face and up my left nostril. The scabs have finally fallen off today and after a second course of antibiotics the infection is subsiding. My glands appear to be reducing but still sore. I have a scalp ache which i am keeping an eye on.

I have been unbelievably stressed of late and in all honesty the perfect time for herpes to make it appearance!

I thought that i may have caught for a dirty snorkelling set that i used in Boracay, Philiippines? I have been going sir crazy trying to identify, but have given up and decided to accept it and deal with it.

I have yet to discuss it with my partner. Wish me luck.

Speed

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
hardknocks

KMD-- How were you diagnosed? Curious if the lesions were swabbed and cultured. And if you also had a blood test?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
speedbird

Hi Hardknocks mine

started with a pimple that i burst and then spread after shaving. I went to my GP who swabbed the area. The swabs came back with staph and strep. the viral swab took longer and it returned yesterday with a positive swab for HSV2. They didnt do a blood test, but given the intensity of this infection they are diagnosing it as the primary infection.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
NolaTown

This can stay dormant for years??? Only get testede for HIV not Herpes....Then just all of a sudden....BAM........youre positive and can pass this on to someone else?? How are you suppose to know?? How are you suppose to keep yourself from getting herpes if everything is such a damn mystery?? I try to remind myself that it is not HIV and it could have been worse. I mean, I feel sorry for the people who got tested and they came back positive for HIV/AIDS. This is why I keep saying Im done. What if next time the diagnoses is worse.. I cant go through this again. Sex for one!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  

Advertisement

Try a Lysine supplement for cold sores

  • The Hive is Thriving!

    • Total Topics
      68,280
    • Total Posts
      455,775
  • Posts

    • Chicken23
      Kelly bean yes I had an ulcer in my mouth. I know it' unusual but as soon as he had told me that I got it swabbed and it came back positive. Then I had a blood test and that came back positive as well.   Anon222 Thank you it's just incredibly difficult thing to deal with. Especially being such a new thing to me.  It will change things though. I will never rest easy. I will always be worried about getting another one come up, I will have to pay expenses for preventative measures. I will have to tell everyone that wants to kiss me (not that I go around just kissing people but as this is life long never know how many people that may be) so it will be changing a lotg for me. I will never feel comfortable just kissing someone anymore. I will always be worried about passing it onto them. It changes my whole life. I will never be able to kiss a new born baby (If I ever have another child)  I will not be able to do so many things without stress and worry for the rest of my life:( 
    • Anon222
      Hey there Chicken, I agree with what helpme said. Really no one cares about OHSV-1. Not to diminish your feelings but I just want you to know that it’s going to be okay. You honestly don’t have to worry about this at all. As he also said you are now in the MAJORITY of people. Please just go on living your normal life this should not change anything at all! Good luck! 
    • helpme12345
      I know blood test doesn't tell location. I know i have it orally since i had it as a child but i dont have any breakouts at all, the last breakout i remember was inside my lips when i was a kid. Like me my friends and my gf we are all asymptomatic orally. im just worried if the above mention symptoms say i have ghsv1?  and about disclosure im happy to tell. im not scared of it im just worried if i got it in the genitals, although all my doctors say im fine.
    • Hairpees
      I don’t understand this post. You seem highly concerned of having herpes for someone who already tested positive for herpes. Your girlfriend has tested positive for herpes. What more is there to freak out about? Blood tests do not tell you location, are you worried if you break up how you will handle disclosure To someone else? That’s where I’m getting confused. 
    • mconcerned1986
      Tested negative for both 1&2 for western blot. 
×

Important Information

We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue.